Abundance

YUP!

What a great 'revelation' I had... that totally bit me in the arse. Why do I think I'm ready for things when really I am SO not ready!

I have talked with my guy a couple of times.... and I jumped the gun. It's too soon. I called him tonight - and no answer. Then got a text around 2am his time saying that he is sorry for missing my call and that it's been a rough day and he is going to bed.... and that he's thinking of me and has an early doctor appointment in the morning. My response was... hmmmm.... ending the day at 2am - eh? i'm regretting things.

::::sigh::: .... I did some self - talk regarding this type of thing happening - and that I can handle it. We are on our own separate journeys and we are going to give one another space.... and see what happens.

I know myself ... and there is really no way I can do this. I'm an all or nothing person - and I'm not sure I can handle much more self-sacrificing here.

I need to stay close to SR... and to my own recovery.

Tonight feels all too familiar of something I do not want to get back involved in!

When we talked over the last few days - he was reminding me of our "connection / bond" ... and it spoke to me. That fricking connection/bond thing!!!! It gets me every time- totally romanticizing the good. Suckaaaaaaaaa.

outtolunch

Romance feels great in the moment but rarely can it go the distance.

Abundance

Yeah... I mean.... I just need re-read lots of my writings so I can remember what the last 3 months of my life was when we were together! Where was our bond.... THEN??????

IDK..... I would think that it really goes without saying...... that if our bond is THAT strong.... that if he does work on himself and I do work on myself and we get to the point where we can actually enhance one another's lives ..... then what will be .... will be. Why even talk about that now?

Anyway - it's TOTALLY against all my codie boundaries to even tell him what I want him to be..... in order for us to have a relationship. DUDE - just be who you are.... and if you are what I want for a life partner..... AWESOME. If not... that is okay too!

Emotions, bond, connection...... all of it....

Callie

Abs - thanks for posting this. They slowly suck you back in - be careful. I don't doubt that there is a 'connection' there, but where was that connection on the plane with the redhead??? Don't let the good override the bad that you've been through.

Thanks for being honest and putting EVERYTHING out there - we all know it's not easy to completely detach and it's nice to follow your journey.

Abundance

Way to be Anvil!!!!!

IF IF IF IF .......

I prefer "IS" right now too! Right now ..... "IT IS WHAT IT IS".......

In this past week...... BOTH of my boys have made comments about how they haven't seen me cry! Grant it - they didn't know WHY I was crying.... except for me telling them that I was just releasing and it was a good clean way for me to process through some personal things.

IN FACT.......

here is some cool dialogue:

ME: "Son - I would just like you to know that cramps I get are forever constant... every single month for a few days!!! ::: said in an animated fashion/smiling/being goofy - folding up blankets) (this is after my mentioning that I'm going to meditate because I'm in massive period pain agony.)

Son is looking at me and giggling...

ME: Hey ... I'm just stronger every month for going through it... !!!! Flexing my muscles! hahaha

Son: :::jumps on me::: "Can you pick me up?" (I did.)

ME: "See... stronger every month - but it is also the strength I am growing within."

Son: But you don't cry anymore!

ME: "isnt' that great?... that is because I am feeling the power of being a goddess"

Son: "No... you should cry - it's a good way to get things out. It's good for you, sometimes."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If I want to think about "bond" and "connection" ......... I get my fill with my kids............ we're ONE TRIBE ya'll !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Abundance

Schwiiiiiiiiiiiiing!!!!! Too right!!!!!!! Good thinking!

A funny: He was saying that since he doesn't drink that it's hard to meet new people and make new friends.

My advice: "Hmmmm....... how about taking a plane ride?"

hello-kitty

If I had a nickel for everytime I said that to myself when I was going through the breakup with my ex, I'd be a millionaire. That and "this too shall pass."

It takes time Abs but you are doing the right thing. It helped me to have goals for myself and to keep my eye on those goals no matter what he was doing. Let no one - no man - deter you from your drug-free, drama free, lying and cheating free future Abs.

Dishonest men are a hard habit to break.

Kimmieh

I will also say that, in my case, the relationships that involved a special/magical/incomparable/supernatural/unbreakable/whateverthehellIusedtocallitbond were the most dysfunctional unions on the planet.

It usually went like this:

-> ->