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Questions and Comments After My First Week

Old 06-28-2009, 09:52 PM
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Questions and Comments After My First Week

I just had some questions and comments of things that are on my mind, and I felt this would be the best place to post them. If anyone would like to chime in please feel free.

-I don't know if I'm interpreting a lot of this site and other things that are recovery oriented such as AA correctly or not, but it seems to me that there is a message that that drinking is almost always a negative. Is that a correct assessment or not??

I honestly do not feel that responsible drinking is bad. I feel that most people who do drink do it responsibly, and I have no issue with that. I also feel that irresponsible drinking is very bad. The reason I quit isn't because I think alcohol is bad. I quit because I was very wreckless and irresponsible with it and I put myself in extreme jeopardy so many times that I cannot believe I didn't come to a crashing hault rather than stopping on my own. I also feel that I've had setbacks due to constant binge drinking, but that was due to the fact that I binged and didn't control it, not because I drank in the first place. I don't mind if my friends or family drink because I feel most of them do it responsibly.


-Having said what I said above, it's been kind of awkward breaking the news to several people that I know that I've quit drinking and don't plan to do it again any time soon. When they ask why, I point to a few examples of when I put myself in situations that could have easily turned out to be much more disastrous than what they did, and that I just don't want to take anymore chances. The common response is "well, just don't drink so much and you'll be fine." They're right, but what they don't understand is that the best way for me to not drink "so much" is to not drink at all. I don't know if I can make them understand that. I suspect that certain people now think of me as being weak because I cannot do something as simple as control my drinking. What do I say to these people, if anything??


-Is it possible for me to become a social and responsible drinker?? Before answering that, don't panic. I haven't been sober for that long (seven days), but I have no plans on drinking tomorrow, or the next day. I have some college friends that are coming to visit me over the Fourth of July, and I've already told them that I've quit drinking. ("for awhile" is how I put it. I never told them it was for good, and maybe it's not, but it is going to be for at least one more week) I said I had no problems hanging out with them and that I still wanted them to come, but that I've scared myself one too many times and because of that I'm not going to drink.

However, I don't think there is anything wrong with being a social and responsible drinker, and if I could some day become one myself I don't think that it would be a bad thing. It's just right now I do not feel that I can, and I feel that a non-drinker is ten times better than a habitual binge drinker, which is what I am/was.


-Am I an alcoholic, or a habitual binge drinker?? The reason I ask is because quitting so far hasn't been THAT much of a struggle. I don't have cravings if I don't drink. I just binge when I do drink. I want my fourth drink way more than I want my first, and my eighth drink way more than I want my fourth, and my twelve drink more than my eighth, and so on. Is there even a difference between an alcoholic and a habitual binge drinker?? I'm asking because I don't know. I'm not trying to deny that I am an alcoholic. I'm merely trying to identify whether or not I am one. I'm being totally honest when I say that.


-I've been able to tell most of my friends over the past week (although not all), but I don't know how to tell my parents. I just visited them over the weekend, and wanted to tell them, but I didn't. The biggest issue is that they have no idea how irresponsible I've been over the past ten years. They have no idea of how on a seemingly regular basis, I put myself in a jeopardizing situation that could have turned out horribly bad. If I told them, it would upset them and scare them, especially since I've been sober for such a short time (one week). I want to tell them, but decided it's better to talk about a shaky past once it's further in the past. I wanted to give it a few weeks or months rather than just a few days. I don't know how they'll react. I'd like to think that relief will be one of the emotions, but it may not be the only one. Anger might be another because they will not be able to understand why I did so many stupid things. To be honest, I'm not sure I can explain that to them. Both my parents drink (responsibly) and I don't think they'll point to alcohol as being the source of the problem. They'll point to my own personal irresponsibility as being the source of the problem, and I can't say that I think they're entirely wrong. Still, it's an unplesant thing to think about. It's not going to be easy for me to admit to my parents what a screw up I was for so many years, and that the only reason I'm not in jail and have not lost my job is because I'm very very very lucky.


-The regrets of my wreckless past is still haunting me, along with asking myself "what if this had happened??" What if that had happened??" "What if I hadn't been so lucky??" It's driving me crazy. I'd almost describe it as borderlined tortureous. Is there a way to deal with this, or is it good that I feel this way??

Anyway, I'm still feeling out this whole recovery thing. I hope the above post doesn't alarm anyone or upset anyone. I know some of it is unlike what most people probably post and feel, but I wanted to share nevertheless. I'm still committed to quitting, and sometimes writing like I have helps, even if it sounds bizarre to others.

thanks, and peace,

Ortho
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Old 06-28-2009, 10:36 PM
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I don't know that AA or recovery people in general say that all drinking is negative for everybody. It is just negative for an alcoholic because inevitably it leads us back to the place of destructive behavior that got us to the point where we felt we needed to quit in the first place. You seem to be struggling with whether you are one or not and that does not make you unique. Personally, I think you can be a binge drinker and not an alcoholic. I have many friends who went from drinking heavy in college to become light social drinkers now. I have others, including myself, who couldn't easily stop drinking heavily even once it became socially unacceptable to do so. I get the sense you are in the right place. Remember alcoholism is progressive, which means just because you can quit now without cravings doesn't mean that years from now you would be able to do the same. My favorite definition of alcoholism is the "allergy" the big book talks about--that once we have a little alcohol we lose the control to stop drinking. "The man takes a drink. The drink takes a drink. The drink takes the man." This sounds like what you were describing. Good luck on your journey.
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Old 06-28-2009, 10:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Ortho View Post
I just had some questions and comments of things that are on my mind, and I felt this would be the best place to post them. If anyone would like to chime in please feel free.

-I don't know if I'm interpreting a lot of this site and other things that are recovery oriented such as AA correctly or not, but it seems to me that there is a message that that drinking is almost always a negative. Is that a correct assessment or not??
A lot of us here are alcoholics so it's an understandble position - for me drinking is always a negative

I honestly do not feel that responsible drinking is bad. I feel that most people who do drink do it responsibly, and I have no issue with that. I also feel that irresponsible drinking is very bad. The reason I quit isn't because I think alcohol is bad. I quit because I was very wreckless and irresponsible with it and I put myself in extreme jeopardy so many times that I cannot believe I didn't come to a crashing hault rather than stopping on my own. I also feel that I've had setbacks due to constant binge drinking, but that was due to the fact that I binged and didn't control it, not because I drank in the first place. I don't mind if my friends or family drink because I feel most of them do it responsibly.
I agree with you wholeheartedly Ortho. Alcohol, when used responsibly, is great - it's my alcoholism that makes it impossible for me to do so.

-Having said what I said above, it's been kind of awkward breaking the news to several people that I know that I've quit drinking and don't plan to do it again any time soon. When they ask why, I point to a few examples of when I put myself in situations that could have easily turned out to be much more disastrous than what they did, and that I just don't want to take anymore chances. The common response is "well, just don't drink so much and you'll be fine." They're right, but what they don't understand is that the best way for me to not drink "so much" is to not drink at all. I don't know if I can make them understand that. I suspect that certain people now think of me as being weak because I cannot do something as simple as control my drinking. What do I say to these people, if anything??
In my experience they either get it or they don't Ortho. I used the A word because I really believe I am an alcoholic. I would have thought that would have settled all arguments but there are still those who want to argue I'm not an alkie. C'est la vie.

-Is it possible for me to become a social and responsible drinker?? Before answering that, don't panic. I haven't been sober for that long (seven days), but I have no plans on drinking tomorrow, or the next day. I have some college friends that are coming to visit me over the Fourth of July, and I've already told them that I've quit drinking. ("for awhile" is how I put it. I never told them it was for good, and maybe it's not, but it is going to be for at least one more week) I said I had no problems hanging out with them and that I still wanted them to come, but that I've scared myself one too many times and because of that I'm not going to drink.

However, I don't think there is anything wrong with being a social and responsible drinker, and if I could some day become one myself I don't think that it would be a bad thing. It's just right now I do not feel that I can, and I feel that a non-drinker is ten times better than a habitual binge drinker, which is what I am/was.
In my experience of 2 years plus here, very few people who have problems enough to actively search out a site like this and start posting here regularly find they can 'go back' to normal drinking....but I'm not going to say it's not possible.

-Am I an alcoholic, or a habitual binge drinker?? The reason I ask is because quitting so far hasn't been THAT much of a struggle. I don't have cravings if I don't drink. I just binge when I do drink. I want my fourth drink way more than I want my first, and my eighth drink way more than I want my fourth, and my twelve drink more than my eighth, and so on. Is there even a difference between an alcoholic and a habitual binge drinker?? I'm asking because I don't know. I'm not trying to deny that I am an alcoholic. I'm merely trying to identify whether or not I am one. I'm being totally honest when I say that.
I'm just a guy - I don't belong to AA or any other group - but I think one is a different variety of the other. It's not how much you consume, or how often, it's how you consume it and why that matters as far as I'm concerned.

-I've been able to tell most of my friends over the past week (although not all), but I don't know how to tell my parents. I just visited them over the weekend, and wanted to tell them, but I didn't. The biggest issue is that they have no idea how irresponsible I've been over the past ten years. They have no idea of how on a seemingly regular basis, I put myself in a jeopardizing situation that could have turned out horribly bad. If I told them, it would upset them and scare them, especially since I've been sober for such a short time (one week). I want to tell them, but decided it's better to talk about a shaky past once it's further in the past. I wanted to give it a few weeks or months rather than just a few days. I don't know how they'll react. I'd like to think that relief will be one of the emotions, but it may not be the only one. Anger might be another because they will not be able to understand why I did so many stupid things. To be honest, I'm not sure I can explain that to them. Both my parents drink (responsibly) and I don't think they'll point to alcohol as being the source of the problem. They'll point to my own personal irresponsibility as being the source of the problem, and I can't say that I think they're entirely wrong. Still, it's an unplesant thing to think about. It's not going to be easy for me to admit to my parents what a screw up I was for so many years, and that the only reason I'm not in jail and have not lost my job is because I'm very very very lucky.
I told everyone because I no longer wanted to hide and, in my case, most people knew anyway - I was far from 'functioning'. But many others here have not told everyone, or anyone. I'd suggest do it if and when it feels right to do so

-The regrets of my wreckless past is still haunting me, along with asking myself "what if this had happened??" What if that had happened??" "What if I hadn't been so lucky??" It's driving me crazy. I'd almost describe it as borderlined tortureous. Is there a way to deal with this, or is it good that I feel this way??

Anyway, I'm still feeling out this whole recovery thing. I hope the above post doesn't alarm anyone or upset anyone. I know some of it is unlike what most people probably post and feel, but I wanted to share nevertheless. I'm still committed to quitting, and sometimes writing like I have helps, even if it sounds bizarre to others.

thanks, and peace,

Ortho
I think it's perfectly natural to feel that way after a week. Stay to stay in the day. The best way you can atone for past misdemeanors is by doing things right now, IMO

Your questions were great and all issues we've had to deal with.
I hope I helped.
D
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Old 06-28-2009, 11:00 PM
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Welcome back to SR...
Well done on your new sobriety.

Well....according to the Center for Disease Control
alcohol is a toxic liquid and damages those who drink it.
It harms all parts of your body....and not just for alcoholics.
I suggest you Google for their website for information.

Here is a link you might find of interest

Alcohol and Brain

And....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Sooo do I think drinking is bad for anyone?
I certainly do.

I did tell all my drinking friends I had started AA ...
that my apartment was now a non drinking zone
and that I was finding a new better lifestyle.
Most drifted away...
thus leaveing room for new sober friends.

When I told my non drinking parents I had quit....
they had no great reaction. They had no first
row seat to my life....we lived 900 miles apart.
I did not find it necessary to get into the gory
details of why I came to such a decision...
Heck, they never saw me have a drink of alcohol anyway.

As for you being an alcoholic....only you can determine that.
Another way to look at it is....Why is drinking important to you?

Good to see you again

Last edited by CarolD; 06-28-2009 at 11:21 PM. Reason: Added Link
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Old 06-28-2009, 11:07 PM
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Looks like Dee,Carol & hendershot covered everything I was going to say. All I would like to add is that you might be over thinking all of this in regards to telling people etc.

Just let them know that you have quit drinking for health reasons if it ever comes up. Which is true... if questioned about the "health reasons" its personal or it doesn't work with my medication.

Take care & good luck in your recovery.
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Old 06-29-2009, 10:01 AM
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I point to a few examples of when I put myself in situations that could have easily turned out to be much more disastrous than what they did, and that I just don't want to take anymore chances. The common response is "well, just don't drink so much and you'll be fine." They're right, but what they don't understand is that the best way for me to not drink "so much" is to not drink at all. I don't know if I can make them understand that. I suspect that certain people now think of me as being weak because I cannot do something as simple as control my drinking. What do I say to these people, if anything??
hi ortho and thanks for posting this.

sometimes i don't even say why I don't drink. I just leave it at that. when I'm confident of myself i am more able to just make the simple statement, and then not drink, and then be comfortable with my resove to not drink and with my knowing that that is right for me.

drinking is certainly nothing that is inherently wrong. there are some in AA who try to make drinking the enemy. I came to think that way when i first got sober in AA. but drinking is not the enemy. in fact I have come to find that i have to let go of "the enemy". I have to stay focused on the fact (for me), that people and things are all connected...that we are all one.

in my case i've had enough drinks for a few lifetimes and it's best that i dont' have any more for a bunch of reasons....and i like your reason that it's a lot easier to drink responsibly if I don't have any at all

thanks
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Old 06-29-2009, 10:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Ortho View Post
I just had some questions and comments of things that are on my mind, and I felt this would be the best place to post them. If anyone would like to chime in please feel free.

-I don't know if I'm interpreting a lot of this site and other things that are recovery oriented such as AA correctly or not, but it seems to me that there is a message that that drinking is almost always a negative. Is that a correct assessment or not??

Me + Drinking = negative, yes. It's not my business about anyone else's drinking. For those who can and do drink responsibly, it's again not my business, and I honestly could care less about it..

I honestly do not feel that responsible drinking is bad. I feel that most people who do drink do it responsibly, and I have no issue with that. I also feel that irresponsible drinking is very bad. The reason I quit isn't because I think alcohol is bad. I quit because I was very wreckless and irresponsible with it and I put myself in extreme jeopardy so many times that I cannot believe I didn't come to a crashing hault rather than stopping on my own. I also feel that I've had setbacks due to constant binge drinking, but that was due to the fact that I binged and didn't control it, not because I drank in the first place. I don't mind if my friends or family drink because I feel most of them do it responsibly.


-Having said what I said above, it's been kind of awkward breaking the news to several people that I know that I've quit drinking and don't plan to do it again any time soon. When they ask why, I point to a few examples of when I put myself in situations that could have easily turned out to be much more disastrous than what they did, and that I just don't want to take anymore chances. The common response is "well, just don't drink so much and you'll be fine." They're right, but what they don't understand is that the best way for me to not drink "so much" is to not drink at all. I don't know if I can make them understand that. I suspect that certain people now think of me as being weak because I cannot do something as simple as control my drinking. What do I say to these people, if anything??

I just say that I don't drink. I don't feel that it warrants an explanation, it's not my responsibility to justify it to anyone. I'm a non drinker, it shouldn't become their interest or issue.


-Is it possible for me to become a social and responsible drinker?? Before answering that, don't panic. I haven't been sober for that long (seven days), but I have no plans on drinking tomorrow, or the next day. I have some college friends that are coming to visit me over the Fourth of July, and I've already told them that I've quit drinking. ("for awhile" is how I put it. I never told them it was for good, and maybe it's not, but it is going to be for at least one more week) I said I had no problems hanging out with them and that I still wanted them to come, but that I've scared myself one too many times and because of that I'm not going to drink.

I echo what Dee said. I tried to do this for years. I have also not seen anyone who's sought out and posted here, a recovery website about problems with alcohol go out and come back to tell us that it was great and they were now magically in control. I could be wrong.. but I doubt it.. if we could control it, this site wouldn't exist.

However, I don't think there is anything wrong with being a social and responsible drinker, and if I could some day become one myself I don't think that it would be a bad thing. It's just right now I do not feel that I can, and I feel that a non-drinker is ten times better than a habitual binge drinker, which is what I am/was.


-Am I an alcoholic, or a habitual binge drinker?? The reason I ask is because quitting so far hasn't been THAT much of a struggle. I don't have cravings if I don't drink. I just binge when I do drink. I want my fourth drink way more than I want my first, and my eighth drink way more than I want my fourth, and my twelve drink more than my eighth, and so on. Is there even a difference between an alcoholic and a habitual binge drinker?? I'm asking because I don't know. I'm not trying to deny that I am an alcoholic. I'm merely trying to identify whether or not I am one. I'm being totally honest when I say that.

many people get lost in the semantics and often argued differences between heavy drinker, alcohol dependent, binge drinker, alcoholic, problem drinker... ad nauseum. Bottom line is.. is your life better with or without alcohol? Is it a problem for you? I don't know what category I fit into, and honestly I don't care. I know that my life is not enhanced or made better when I drink. I know that my life is much better now that I don't. It matters not the amount, frequency or reason for the drink. Is it better for you to drink, or not to? Really.

-I've been able to tell most of my friends over the past week (although not all), but I don't know how to tell my parents. I just visited them over the weekend, and wanted to tell them, but I didn't. The biggest issue is that they have no idea how irresponsible I've been over the past ten years. They have no idea of how on a seemingly regular basis, I put myself in a jeopardizing situation that could have turned out horribly bad. If I told them, it would upset them and scare them, especially since I've been sober for such a short time (one week). I want to tell them, but decided it's better to talk about a shaky past once it's further in the past. I wanted to give it a few weeks or months rather than just a few days. I don't know how they'll react. I'd like to think that relief will be one of the emotions, but it may not be the only one. Anger might be another because they will not be able to understand why I did so many stupid things. To be honest, I'm not sure I can explain that to them. Both my parents drink (responsibly) and I don't think they'll point to alcohol as being the source of the problem. They'll point to my own personal irresponsibility as being the source of the problem, and I can't say that I think they're entirely wrong. Still, it's an unplesant thing to think about. It's not going to be easy for me to admit to my parents what a screw up I was for so many years, and that the only reason I'm not in jail and have not lost my job is because I'm very very very lucky.

Again, you don't have to say anything.. Were you someone who was defined by the status of whether you drank or not? If you quit, you're a non drinker. That's not really the business of anyone else. I just say "I don't drink anymore".


-The regrets of my wreckless past is still haunting me, along with asking myself "what if this had happened??" What if that had happened??" "What if I hadn't been so lucky??" It's driving me crazy. I'd almost describe it as borderlined tortureous. Is there a way to deal with this, or is it good that I feel this way??

Those regrets probably ease with time, but for me they haven't. They serve as a constant reminder for why I live a sober life today. I never want to worry about anything like that again. I will never get a DUI, I will never get into a drunken bar fight, and I will never do things or say things that I don't remember the next day. That is a good way to start chipping away at the past. Why would I ever WANT to drink again if that's where it got me? No thanks.

Anyway, I'm still feeling out this whole recovery thing. I hope the above post doesn't alarm anyone or upset anyone. I know some of it is unlike what most people probably post and feel, but I wanted to share nevertheless. I'm still committed to quitting, and sometimes writing like I have helps, even if it sounds bizarre to others.

thanks, and peace,

Ortho
My responses are in bold.. I'm not savvy enough to seperate and comment line by line
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Old 06-29-2009, 12:38 PM
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Thank you to all who responded. Again, this type of dialogue really helps me out.

As far as overthinking what to say to others, maybe I am. I think part of it (if not all of it) stems from a desire to come clean. By talking about my past with others, it's almost as if I'm looking to get it off my chest. I believe that had somethign to do with why i sought this place out. Maybe I don't have to. To be honest, fessing up is not something that I've really ever gone way out of my way to do. I have done it, but it is usually with a little prompting, or because I have feelings of guilt. I guess I'm feeling guilty, or at the very least very regretful, of how dangerous and irresponsible I've been when I put myself in jeopardy so many times.

Thanks again to all those who responded. This site has really helped me out and encouraged me.

Ortho
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Old 06-29-2009, 12:43 PM
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Old 06-29-2009, 12:45 PM
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Hi Ortho,

Good for you getting through your week sober!

For me, I did not tell people that I was stopping drinking. I had let my family down in the past when I made promises and I wanted to just do it and let them see for themselves. I felt that stopping drinking was a very personal decision and I was embarking on my recovery, a very personal journey. Here at SR, I find support and comfort, and it's here that I talk about my recovery.
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Old 06-29-2009, 01:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Ortho View Post
Thank you to all who responded. Again, this type of dialogue really helps me out.

As far as overthinking what to say to others, maybe I am. I think part of it (if not all of it) stems from a desire to come clean. By talking about my past with others, it's almost as if I'm looking to get it off my chest. I believe that had somethign to do with why i sought this place out. Maybe I don't have to. To be honest, fessing up is not something that I've really ever gone way out of my way to do. I have done it, but it is usually with a little prompting, or because I have feelings of guilt. I guess I'm feeling guilty, or at the very least very regretful, of how dangerous and irresponsible I've been when I put myself in jeopardy so many times.

Thanks again to all those who responded. This site has really helped me out and encouraged me.

Ortho
"fessing up" would likely only be self serving.. to ease your guilt.

Do this on your own, for you, within you.. maybe it'll just ease on it's own along the way
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Old 06-29-2009, 01:57 PM
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I have some thoughts on this. I never drank until I was in my late twenties and it wa just social. Caught up to me when I was on pills and mixed this in. I grew up jn fear and never had a relationship with my father because he drank, dying from it. I had a fiancée who'd always had a couple boxes of wine in the fridge , ya really classy. Shed throw things at me and hit me. I lived in fear of her. Still I didn't drink.

I promised myself I'd never drink. I think pills altered my mind and opened up this poision to me.

Honestly I can't did one good reason to drink. I never knew anyone who said oh i got got trashed last night and a better cuz of it. It's an awful drug just makes you sad sick and u lose your soul to it.

I guess many drink to forget themselvs and be social but is best to work on that sober.
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Old 06-30-2009, 06:05 PM
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Originally Posted by smacked View Post
"fessing up" would likely only be self serving.. to ease your guilt.

Do this on your own, for you, within you.. maybe it'll just ease on it's own along the way
I think you really hit the nail on the head. It is only self serving. I couldn't have said it better myself....and didn't.
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