mamasmitty

I have not been able to get over the guilt of what I feel my "afair" and devorce did to my kids. At the time I moved out (or got "kicked out") of the house, it was right before my son's 13th birthday! My kids stayed with their father. He could better afford to continue giving them the life we both wanted them to have. It was around halloween, and I had bought the kids a nice pumpkin to carve out. Well, my son's BD was November 4th, and I baked him a cake, (or should I say my mom did, because the stupid oven in the apartment I moved into burned the cake I made. First time I used the oven there!) So I had the guilt over that. I was only able to ice it! And at dinner, I asked my son why they hadn't carved the pumpking for halloween. His reply..."Because you are never here". I will NEVER forget that! I had to keep myself composed for the rest of the night, but I felt so guilty! But it's not only that. Its the fact that I broke up their home. And then right after that my youngest (the one who turned 13) his whole attitude started to change. He was no longer the bubbly happy boy he used to be. even up to this day. He will be 18 this November. I moved back in the house 2 years ago because I couldn't stand being away from them. (My oldest is 21) He (my 17 1/2 year old) is now using marajauna. He is basicly a good kid, but is not very motivated and always seems angry. I know that it is the way most kids his age act, but I can't help feeling guilty and responsible for it. I need to feel released from this guilt! But I don't know how! His father, (my X that I live with) is an alcoholic. He drand a bit when I started seeing him again right before I moved back in, but now he is drinking heavly (in my opinion) and I feel I mys be the "tea totaler" goo example for my son. And my father was an alcoholic, and was in AA and sober for 13 years before he dies 10 years ago. I just need some peace in my life!

BabeGirl

Maybe you should try getting your youngest into therapy so he can work on forgiving you... I've been in therapy now working on trying to forgive my family for a lil now... I forgave my brother... but still working on letting go of the past with my mom and just lettin go of my "dad" Might help you if you go too. Learn that you can't change the past only work on now!

Just a idea from a youngin...

JT

I have many things I regret...but through my program (Al-Anon) I no longer have guilt about them. I was not the best mother or wife.

We do the best we know how to do and when we know better we do better.

Words are often not enough to fix the harm we have caused but saying the words to your child is better then not saying them at all. An opportunity will present itself...you can think about it and have your words ready.

The next thing to do is behave your way to making amends. You may have done the wrong things before but you can begin doing the right things today.

We cannot expect immediate forgiveness every time....that part is not in your control. You can't force forgiveness but you can loose some of the guilt.

Hugs,
JT