kuljey

I saw my husband on fathers day weekend. At first it was horrible. I was so worried about the letter i had read that had said some yucky stuff about me to his daughter (*history--child from a one night stand-the mother not allowing me to be around child when he visits--the daughters grandmother works with me and her and her daughter think he is using me, treats me bad and gives us a short more time together) and i told him i knew. He was upset that i listen to them and that they are trying to cause problems. He feels he has to show disagreement w/me to keep the mother on his good side to see the child. He almost made me leave the visit, thought awhile and said that no...he didnt want me to leave and he was upset knowing that they are this way (wanting to cause problem) and that i am "so naive" that i believe them. he said bottom line is they didnt tell him till 3 years ago that he was a dad and he wants so very desperately to continue to get to know her--but they will not cause problems in our life. And, for me to not take what they say seriously.

Found out today that he is not getting out till next week. My mgr had rearragned the "world" for me to get out this friday for his graduation. I feel its important to me to be there in the end as i was in the beginning. So, no i hope i can get out next friday. I really doubt it cuz its the Friday before the 4th.

His daughters grandmother told me (and i cant get it out of my head) that he is using me. That his daughters mother (meeting me once) said he treats me bad and is using me. Using someone.... the thought that someone could say i love you, want to spend life with you...etc..uses you.. Is that possible??? Do people really give up their own life to USE someone. I do not have money, i work for what i have... My friends think they are trying to cause trouble. I dont understand why... but that they are. I would have to say he doesnt treat me so dang superbly---we have spoken (fathers day weekend at our visit) that i need to give him a chance to take care of me---give back to me for once.

I have learned that the anxiety of what is going to happen is just wholly consuming me. i NEED TO STOP!!! I KNOW i need to redirect my thinking... how..i dont know. Its taken me some time to start to put God in the drivers seat. Now, to focus on me, my kids...not my addict spouse.

It saddens me to think i have given my heart and maybe like his daughters grandmother is saying to someone who is using me. I dont know i just dont get it. I dont get people. My sons father just recently was kicked out of his girlfriends house. Right after he remolded it and CLEANED IT. yes i said cleaned..he showed me pictures, was disgusting. She changed locks, etc...wouldnt give him all his stuff back---and come to find out she has been w/another man for over a month. The things she kept range from his work tools, to my sons things. I just dont get evil people. Like the using thing... just evil. I dont get it...

Anyway... i pray that i can hold it together. Sometimes i feel like im on the verge of a breakdown. Nerves... sheesh.

whereami

I have been through this too, was promised the world and told he loves me and my daughter more than anything, but his actions show quite the opposite. The reason they say actions speak louder is for situations just like yours. Yes he may be using you, but what do you allow him to get away with, how do you allow him to treat you and do you want a change? It is not too late to decide you want the rest of your life to be appreciated and find someone who can do that. I don't recommend another guy, I am just saying that the people we surround ourself with dictate what we have to wake up to each day. Positive people=positive environment. If you are not working towards the same goals in everyday action, i.e. respectful treatment, appreciation and kindness for each other, what do you have? What is the point of waiting for someone to tell you he is using you, your standards should be reflected through his actions or he isn't buying it. In that case make the decision to settle or move onto a happier way. I hope that you realize you are worth more than settling, I fell for that and I am so much happier not having to worry about the liability of someone who refuses to give respect and sincerity through works and action. If someone wants a good relationship they have to put dedication and action into it, you are doing that by moving your schedule around and keeping your end of the deal, is he? The reason he doesn't want you to listen to others is because they are not supporting the "easy way" and he wants you convinced that the way he chooses to be is right...for him maybe, but you have to decide is it right for you?


I read this book called The Hot Mom Club, cute book, but the point is that it celebrates the woman who can claim herself through any situation and hang on to her own identity, not wavering to metamorphically change into a robot for someone else. If you are unsure of the way you are being treated and questioning being used, it will eventually make you question yourself and affect your esteem. It sounds like you need to focus on yourself and from today not allow him or anyone else to have the possibility to use you...because you won't allow that period. Good luck and God Bless...

whereami

My favorite thing to say to them when they try anything is: "I am no mans' doormat and you certainly have not earned my respect with your actions." I know mean 'eh? That is what happens when a codie starts cracking the shell...

Hope87

Hey Kuljey

How's it going? Sounds like you had better days. At least you and your husband are married but then again who knows. I'm not trying to be negative but I've had situations like this. It was all my own fault because I dated 2 different guys at the beginning of their divorces (yeah, I know how to pick 'em lets say) and both guys had kids with their wives. When I dated this guys everything was fine. Got along great, were together all the time..what have you. Well in both situations, the moms ended up giving me a hard time, harrassing me, you name it. The one guy I dated his ex wife had people spying on us. It got to the point she was letting him see the kids again and if she even knew i was anywhere near her ex husband...he was not allowed near those kids. This physco even sent a letter to my parents house!!!! That's how closely she was spying on us!!!! She said the same things...he's using you...all that crap. It was not a fun road to go down and it should NOT have happened twice. But in the end....all they care about are their kids which is complete crap. Cause if it's all about the kids, you don't leave in the first place and when a girl is into you you don't start dating her you say "I'm having issues right now and the my kids are my number one priority right now. I can't pursue a relationship right now." However, I was in the wrong for even considering it
His kid's mom sounds like she's going to want to cause problems just cause she can. Hopefully she doesn't begin to use the kid as a pawn like "if you are taking our daughter around your wife then you just can't see her"....Some of them can be extremely WACO!