sigh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 35
sigh
not necessarily a bad sigh folks.
hi i'm rachel, and im addict.
I'm extremely shy with all this but i wanted to introduce myself to the forum. i constantly feel like i have SO MUCH to say, but when i comes down to it i clam up. I enjoy browsing this forum, reading other ppl's experiences, seeing the hope. it's so inspirational. I'm currently learning to find myself a better way to live.
I started going to meetings 2 1/2 weeks ago because i KNOW something is wrong with me (thankfully). I have been sober for 2 weeks yesterday
it's honestly a breath of fresh air but it's tough of course. I got myself a sponsor, I'm getting used to the whole 'calling' ppl thing which is so hard. I want to show the willingness that i want to work the program.
My mom and dad are both addicts, my dad is a gambler and my mom well, she enjoyed pretty much any mild altering substance. I grew up seeing all the partying and crazyness, it never really affected me so i thought. There was always bottles of alcohol in the fridge, my parents were always out to satisfy themselves buying expensive things, doing drugs, partying. It was always more more more with them and i was just given anything i wanted to get out of their hair. It seemed nice @ the time, i was a spoiled lil girl, i got whatever i wanted, not because of love completely but because they wanted me out of their hair -- i mean it sounds so horrible (which it was) but they were addicts, and addicts are selfish so i can't hate them for this.
So they split up when i was in high school, I've kind of been on my own since then (I'm 23) coping with this nonsense using drugs. Anything i could get really. My drug of choice was cocaine -- ugh the word makes me cringe. It really made me come out of my shell. I wasn't that lonely shy child anymore. I would talk for hours with ppl. My boyfriend who still is current, was down for the ride all the time with my crazy use of drugs. It was all fun and games at 1st, we've been together 3 years and have used from the start until maybe 6 months ago because we couldn't afford it. Slowly i noticed because i somehow still have a brain left, we've been drinking A LOT -- HEAVY, its just getting worse and worse. worse fights, worse situations were putting each other in, irresponsibly, just horrible things.
I made the decision to be sober, i want a better life, i want to be a better girlfriend, a better friend, and better parent (when that day comes).
I'm tired of depending on using to feel comfortable, Ive been using for about like 6 years now, Ive completely lost myself. I'm nervous around people, i have a hard time making friends, i cant hang out with my friends now without drinking..its like I'm back to how i was when i was child. That shy little Rachel. I know I'm a GREAT PERSON, i have an amazing heart and i want people to see that again.
I lost the friends i had when i was a coke head, because i did so much coke, i was a different person, i couldn't hang i always had to do lines, and yeah my friends would do some but then they'd go home and I'd be there with my boyfriend blowing lines till the birds chirp in the wee hours of the AM.
Then i quit coke, i make new friends, 'drinking' friends, not the best of friends, and even the ones that try to be my friend i don't let them in, i just only want to use with them. Its completely ridiculous!! I've recently told these friends that I'm in the program and quit drinking and ya know some will flake away but the ones that care will stick through this with me and h'm scared of loosing people but i know i need to worry about what I'm doing which i know is the right thing.
Whew, well there it is ::SPLAT:: me. LOL read if you want, reply if you can, i just really needed to share, my sponsor didn't answer when i tried to call her right b4 this so i wanted to just say sOMETHING to someone.
Also, my bf i know he is an addict but he's completely unsure about all this. He doesn't want to stop drinking but I'm just keeping the faith that he will come around if we are meant to be.
hi i'm rachel, and im addict.
I'm extremely shy with all this but i wanted to introduce myself to the forum. i constantly feel like i have SO MUCH to say, but when i comes down to it i clam up. I enjoy browsing this forum, reading other ppl's experiences, seeing the hope. it's so inspirational. I'm currently learning to find myself a better way to live.
I started going to meetings 2 1/2 weeks ago because i KNOW something is wrong with me (thankfully). I have been sober for 2 weeks yesterday
it's honestly a breath of fresh air but it's tough of course. I got myself a sponsor, I'm getting used to the whole 'calling' ppl thing which is so hard. I want to show the willingness that i want to work the program.My mom and dad are both addicts, my dad is a gambler and my mom well, she enjoyed pretty much any mild altering substance. I grew up seeing all the partying and crazyness, it never really affected me so i thought. There was always bottles of alcohol in the fridge, my parents were always out to satisfy themselves buying expensive things, doing drugs, partying. It was always more more more with them and i was just given anything i wanted to get out of their hair. It seemed nice @ the time, i was a spoiled lil girl, i got whatever i wanted, not because of love completely but because they wanted me out of their hair -- i mean it sounds so horrible (which it was) but they were addicts, and addicts are selfish so i can't hate them for this.
So they split up when i was in high school, I've kind of been on my own since then (I'm 23) coping with this nonsense using drugs. Anything i could get really. My drug of choice was cocaine -- ugh the word makes me cringe. It really made me come out of my shell. I wasn't that lonely shy child anymore. I would talk for hours with ppl. My boyfriend who still is current, was down for the ride all the time with my crazy use of drugs. It was all fun and games at 1st, we've been together 3 years and have used from the start until maybe 6 months ago because we couldn't afford it. Slowly i noticed because i somehow still have a brain left, we've been drinking A LOT -- HEAVY, its just getting worse and worse. worse fights, worse situations were putting each other in, irresponsibly, just horrible things.
I made the decision to be sober, i want a better life, i want to be a better girlfriend, a better friend, and better parent (when that day comes).
I'm tired of depending on using to feel comfortable, Ive been using for about like 6 years now, Ive completely lost myself. I'm nervous around people, i have a hard time making friends, i cant hang out with my friends now without drinking..its like I'm back to how i was when i was child. That shy little Rachel. I know I'm a GREAT PERSON, i have an amazing heart and i want people to see that again.
I lost the friends i had when i was a coke head, because i did so much coke, i was a different person, i couldn't hang i always had to do lines, and yeah my friends would do some but then they'd go home and I'd be there with my boyfriend blowing lines till the birds chirp in the wee hours of the AM.
Then i quit coke, i make new friends, 'drinking' friends, not the best of friends, and even the ones that try to be my friend i don't let them in, i just only want to use with them. Its completely ridiculous!! I've recently told these friends that I'm in the program and quit drinking and ya know some will flake away but the ones that care will stick through this with me and h'm scared of loosing people but i know i need to worry about what I'm doing which i know is the right thing.
Whew, well there it is ::SPLAT:: me. LOL read if you want, reply if you can, i just really needed to share, my sponsor didn't answer when i tried to call her right b4 this so i wanted to just say sOMETHING to someone.
Also, my bf i know he is an addict but he's completely unsure about all this. He doesn't want to stop drinking but I'm just keeping the faith that he will come around if we are meant to be.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Well.. that was bizzare. What you just wrote was my life at your age. I am very familiar with the disappointment of the first birds chirping in the morning.
I just wanted to welcome you, you're in a good place. Congrats on the 2 weeks, that is great! When I quit, I had to change my friends.. there was no way in hell I could continue relationships with them, and of course I realized they were not really friends. I also moved to another part of town, again, I had to protect myself as best I could. My issues with drinking however didn't end until about 6 months ago, but .. that's another story.
I am glad you're here
I just wanted to welcome you, you're in a good place. Congrats on the 2 weeks, that is great! When I quit, I had to change my friends.. there was no way in hell I could continue relationships with them, and of course I realized they were not really friends. I also moved to another part of town, again, I had to protect myself as best I could. My issues with drinking however didn't end until about 6 months ago, but .. that's another story.
I am glad you're here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by flutter 
Well.. that was bizzare. What you just wrote was my life at your age. I am very familiar with the disappointment of the first birds chirping in the morning.
I just wanted to welcome you, you're in a good place. Congrats on the 2 weeks, that is great! When I quit, I had to change my friends.. there was no way in hell I could continue relationships with them, and of course I realized they were not really friends. I also moved to another part of town, again, I had to protect myself as best I could. My issues with drinking however didn't end until about 6 months ago, but .. that's another story.
I am glad you're here
I just wanted to welcome you, you're in a good place. Congrats on the 2 weeks, that is great! When I quit, I had to change my friends.. there was no way in hell I could continue relationships with them, and of course I realized they were not really friends. I also moved to another part of town, again, I had to protect myself as best I could. My issues with drinking however didn't end until about 6 months ago, but .. that's another story.
I am glad you're here
it's def. hard loosing these so-called friends but the ppl that want to be there, will.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Hi Rachel,
Welcome!
I'm glad you decided to post. There is so much hope and you can change your life. And, you have the right attitude about doing what you know is right for you. Your real friends will stick with you and if you lose some friends, you will also gain new ones.
Welcome!
I'm glad you decided to post. There is so much hope and you can change your life. And, you have the right attitude about doing what you know is right for you. Your real friends will stick with you and if you lose some friends, you will also gain new ones.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,151
Welcome to SR. Loads of support and id here. Just a suggestion, which was given to me when I was new in, was to get as many girls' numbers as possible. That way you can call someone, if you need to, when your sponsor isn't available.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
Rachel,
Good to have you here. It's a good thing to see that you're getting help with this. There are lots of good people here to make friends with who share much of the same issues that you've wrote about. Keep coming back to SR for support and to share your successes as well as failures. Welcome to SR.
Good to have you here. It's a good thing to see that you're getting help with this. There are lots of good people here to make friends with who share much of the same issues that you've wrote about. Keep coming back to SR for support and to share your successes as well as failures. Welcome to SR.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Keep posting, alot of people relate to your story.
I woke up one morning when I was 23, down at Penn State, having quit school for the nth time, having had a string of bullsh*t jobs, partying every night, drinking heavily, coking, and basically going nowhere in life.
I realized that if I didn't do something I'd wake up in the exact same situation at age 33 too.
So I moved away, left it all behind me, and starting getting my act together.
You can look back and say, "been there, done that", and realize it is time for a change... or you can stay on the same course for a few more years.
Sounds to me like you are waking up.
I woke up one morning when I was 23, down at Penn State, having quit school for the nth time, having had a string of bullsh*t jobs, partying every night, drinking heavily, coking, and basically going nowhere in life.
I realized that if I didn't do something I'd wake up in the exact same situation at age 33 too.
So I moved away, left it all behind me, and starting getting my act together.
You can look back and say, "been there, done that", and realize it is time for a change... or you can stay on the same course for a few more years.
Sounds to me like you are waking up.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Welcome! I can definatly relate to your story as so many others will. I'm glad you are seeking help, a life free of alcohol and drugs is like being born again. I had forgotten how good life could be.
Glad you're here... Keep posting!!!
Glad you're here... Keep posting!!!
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