New here, with lots of questions amd some despair
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 187
New here, with lots of questions amd some despair
I'm glad I found this forum. Joined another one similar earlier(before finding this one). That one was so "inactive" that there was only one other person there to respond....Anyway...I'm almost 48, and started drinking at a young age(12 or 13). Never had a dui, problem holding a job, or legal issues associated with drinking. I HAVE suffered a few major traumas, both emotional and physical.....wrecks, physical problems and operations..and head injuries-4 of them. I'm probably leaving out some. I'm married, and quit drinking a couple months ago, at the wife's urging and my knowing the need to quit. Quitting was easy(too easy). I didn't have that "urge" to drink, but the major problems didn't express themselves for about 3 weeks. I am satisfied that I finally found the Lord during all this, and I'm praying that He will mold me into the man He wants me to be. I would come home from work and immediately mix one, two, three, and sometimes 4 or 5 strong drinks. Never got drunk, as my body had built up resistance. Now, fast-forward to today. My self confidence is lacking(in EVERYTHING). and I get emotional alot(yep, crying....). 6 months ago, I wouldn't have shed a tear for many things. I do read the bible daily now, and I'm very humble in spirit. Things that I used to get alot of pleasure from are often avoided now, due to confidence and humility. I am sober, but my life seems to be still somewhat of a mess emotionally, and I just wonder how long will it take for self esteem and confidence to re-appear? Will I be happy again??? I am not planning on ever drinking again, and I'm gonna "ride this thing out". But I can now see how messy this situation really is when the booze has been gone awhile...Thanks
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Welcome to SR, this forum is very active so I think you'll find a lot of great folks around here to 'talk' to!
What type of support do you have for your recovery? Have you tried AA, counseling, or other types of programs that might help guide you along the way?
Most of us can't do this alone, I sure know I wasn't able to!
What type of support do you have for your recovery? Have you tried AA, counseling, or other types of programs that might help guide you along the way?
Most of us can't do this alone, I sure know I wasn't able to!
Disposable Hero
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Being, ME
Posts: 3,758
Welcome to the SR community!
Humility isn't so much as something to get, it's a quiet attitude of the heart realizing it's place in the world and being willing to follow spiritual guidance, IMHO. Happiness is up for grabs. Please take a look at what you do have and i hope that it inspires a sense of gratitude that is much better than "happiness". Easy does it and keep coming back.
Thank you for staying sober today!
Humility isn't so much as something to get, it's a quiet attitude of the heart realizing it's place in the world and being willing to follow spiritual guidance, IMHO. Happiness is up for grabs. Please take a look at what you do have and i hope that it inspires a sense of gratitude that is much better than "happiness". Easy does it and keep coming back.
Thank you for staying sober today!
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Welcome waterman!!!
Yes, what you are feeling is completely normal.
Are you working any sort of recovery program? I do and have found that my program of recovery (AA) helped me to walk through all the emotions and work on all of my behaviors that accompanied my drinking. I do believe that drinking is but a symptom of our underlying issues. I had to really clean house in my life to start to feel tremendously better. It also helped me to get f2f support from other folks going through what i was going through.
I hope you stick around and post with us!
Yes, what you are feeling is completely normal.
Are you working any sort of recovery program? I do and have found that my program of recovery (AA) helped me to walk through all the emotions and work on all of my behaviors that accompanied my drinking. I do believe that drinking is but a symptom of our underlying issues. I had to really clean house in my life to start to feel tremendously better. It also helped me to get f2f support from other folks going through what i was going through.
I hope you stick around and post with us!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to SR! Lots of advice and support and experience here, so ask your questions. As to feeling so 'lost' and 'up and down', that's normal while your body and brain adjust to functioning without the depressant effect of alcohol. It does get better, just give it time and take it easy. Be good to yourself.
Welcome to the family!
Welcome to the family!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 187
Originally Posted by flutter 
Welcome to SR, this forum is very active so I think you'll find a lot of great folks around here to 'talk' to!
What type of support do you have for your recovery? Have you tried AA, counseling, or other types of programs that might help guide you along the way?
Most of us can't do this alone, I sure know I wasn't able to!
What type of support do you have for your recovery? Have you tried AA, counseling, or other types of programs that might help guide you along the way?
Most of us can't do this alone, I sure know I wasn't able to!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 187
Originally Posted by TTOSBT
Welcome waterman!!!
Yes, what you are feeling is completely normal.
Are you working any sort of recovery program? I do and have found that my program of recovery (AA) helped me to walk through all the emotions and work on all of my behaviors that accompanied my drinking. I do believe that drinking is but a symptom of our underlying issues. I had to really clean house in my life to start to feel tremendously better. It also helped me to get f2f support from other folks going through what i was going through.
I hope you stick around and post with us!
Yes, what you are feeling is completely normal.
Are you working any sort of recovery program? I do and have found that my program of recovery (AA) helped me to walk through all the emotions and work on all of my behaviors that accompanied my drinking. I do believe that drinking is but a symptom of our underlying issues. I had to really clean house in my life to start to feel tremendously better. It also helped me to get f2f support from other folks going through what i was going through.
I hope you stick around and post with us!
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Originally Posted by Waterman
I'm going it alone, for the most part, although I do have the AA 12-step book, the Bible, and I am going to see an 82-year old Christian counselor(yesterday was the first day). I work alot of nights, but need to go to AA meetings. If I could just get my wife to undertand how time-consuming and difficult all of this is. She never drank, and thinks it's simple...quit drinking and BOOM...you're alright immediately!!!!........how wrong.... THANKS FOR YOUR POST
He is very supportive of my recovery but does not understand it. That is what I have my sponsor and girlfriends in AA for. One thing that my sponsor stressed from the beginning was balance. I am a wife and a mother and I work full time. So I could not spend all of my free time in meetings.
But I did choose a couple of meetings and those became my regular meetings. I told my husband that I wanted to go to these three meetings every week and he agreed. So, unless something else takes precedence (like his working out of town, etc.), the family knows that on Monday, Wednesday and Friday night, I will be gone from the house for an hour and a half. My little girl complained for a bit but now the whole family knows that meetings are something I need to stay healthy.
It takes adjustments from everyone in the family. And I make sure that my husband and kids get my undivided attention as well, as much as possible. They already suffered so much from my neglect as a result of my drinking, they deserve all the love and attention I can offer.
It sounds like you are really trying to take care of yourself and that is what is most important. And no matter what, just don't drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 187
Originally Posted by TTOSBT
I can relate to this! My husband is a "normie" and I have shared before that I do not think it was until I was about 9 months sober that he fully accepted that this was my life now and that I intended to never drink again.
He is very supportive of my recovery but does not understand it. That is what I have my sponsor and girlfriends in AA for. One thing that my sponsor stressed from the beginning was balance. I am a wife and a mother and I work full time. So I could not spend all of my free time in meetings.
But I did choose a couple of meetings and those became my regular meetings. I told my husband that I wanted to go to these three meetings every week and he agreed. So, unless something else takes precedence (like his working out of town, etc.), the family knows that on Monday, Wednesday and Friday night, I will be gone from the house for an hour and a half. My little girl complained for a bit but now the whole family knows that meetings are something I need to stay healthy.
It takes adjustments from everyone in the family. And I make sure that my husband and kids get my undivided attention as well, as much as possible. They already suffered so much from my neglect as a result of my drinking, they deserve all the love and attention I can offer.
It sounds like you are really trying to take care of yourself and that is what is most important. And no matter what, just don't drink.
He is very supportive of my recovery but does not understand it. That is what I have my sponsor and girlfriends in AA for. One thing that my sponsor stressed from the beginning was balance. I am a wife and a mother and I work full time. So I could not spend all of my free time in meetings.
But I did choose a couple of meetings and those became my regular meetings. I told my husband that I wanted to go to these three meetings every week and he agreed. So, unless something else takes precedence (like his working out of town, etc.), the family knows that on Monday, Wednesday and Friday night, I will be gone from the house for an hour and a half. My little girl complained for a bit but now the whole family knows that meetings are something I need to stay healthy.
It takes adjustments from everyone in the family. And I make sure that my husband and kids get my undivided attention as well, as much as possible. They already suffered so much from my neglect as a result of my drinking, they deserve all the love and attention I can offer.
It sounds like you are really trying to take care of yourself and that is what is most important. And no matter what, just don't drink.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Waterman I have a feeling I know the general area you live in, I come from a family of watermen. As others have said, I have found freedom in the program and fellowship of AA, much of what you are going through right now is a part of early sobriety, working a program will help immensely, there are some great folks in AA where I live which is fairly close (I think) to where you are at.
Welcome to SR!
Welcome to SR!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,470
Hi Waterman,
Yes, it's true that the issues we've been hiding from seem to hit full-force in early sobriety. I would ask what other changes in your life you have made since you stopped drinking? You said that you are avoiding things that you used to enjoy doing because you lack confidence. It can be hard to deal with certain situations, such as social situations, in sobriety. Give it some time and be kind to yourself. You might also think about trying some new activities.
Yes, it's true that the issues we've been hiding from seem to hit full-force in early sobriety. I would ask what other changes in your life you have made since you stopped drinking? You said that you are avoiding things that you used to enjoy doing because you lack confidence. It can be hard to deal with certain situations, such as social situations, in sobriety. Give it some time and be kind to yourself. You might also think about trying some new activities.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Waterman, Don't pay any attention to Taz. He's a beltway guy. Now as I live at the mouth of the Chesapeake, I know water. But anyway, he's absolutely right about AA. You need a support group. And if you work nights, go to daytime meetings. There are even early morning ones in most places. Get your hands on a schedule (available at any meeting) or call the AA number in the phone book. They'll hook you up. It's great that you're working on your spirituality, but that's only part of recovery. And suggest that your wife attend Al-Anon. She'd find that helpful in understanding what you're going through.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
Absolutely, give AA a chance to support you! You have a good attitude, better than most who come through the door. It sounds to me like you are ready to do whatever it takes to stay sober, and that is a good part of the battle right there, your willingness. I live on the Chesapeake bay as well, on the MD side, but I can tell you that in this general area, and where I'd bet you are living, there are also many daytime AA meetings. I'm an NA person basically, but I go to AA during the day because there are no NA meetings during the day here, only in the evening. You AA'ers are so lucky. So many more meetings to choose from.
Even here in MD bay area, we have about 5 AA meetings at noon every day to choose from. And if you look at the schedule, there are also lots in the morning, you might like, too, although I prefer noon when I'm working evenings, as I can sleep in a bit. If you add in some more on your days off, you can get to as many as you might possibly need.
But meetings aren't the only thing you get at AA. Generally, you make a lot of sober friends that you'll be able to call when the going gets tough. You might find a sponsor, too. Someone who you can really get close to, and who can help you go through your step-work, which is vital to getting at the roots of your drinking. Some of the men in AA will be able to give you some good suggestions for you to help your wife get through your early recovery, which is a difficult time in any marriage.
I agree on encouraging your wife to go to Alanon. They don't have as many meetings, but it might help her and you.
Love,
KJ
Even here in MD bay area, we have about 5 AA meetings at noon every day to choose from. And if you look at the schedule, there are also lots in the morning, you might like, too, although I prefer noon when I'm working evenings, as I can sleep in a bit. If you add in some more on your days off, you can get to as many as you might possibly need.
But meetings aren't the only thing you get at AA. Generally, you make a lot of sober friends that you'll be able to call when the going gets tough. You might find a sponsor, too. Someone who you can really get close to, and who can help you go through your step-work, which is vital to getting at the roots of your drinking. Some of the men in AA will be able to give you some good suggestions for you to help your wife get through your early recovery, which is a difficult time in any marriage.
I agree on encouraging your wife to go to Alanon. They don't have as many meetings, but it might help her and you.
Love,
KJ
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 271
That Shakespeare quote "To Thine Own Self Be True" is pretty good stuff. Quitting is terribly hard (BOY, do I know). But your are a couple months into it. What "messy situation" is making it so hard? Is that what is affecting your self-esteem and confidence? You seem very determined - and KUDOS for that - but are you looking at what makes your life so hard? That's probably very important.
Good luck! I'm pulling for you.
Good luck! I'm pulling for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
I agree with the others as to the things that seem to get us emotional once we get sober. Good Lord!!!!! I didn't think I was going to stop crying, LOL!!! It was a very healing and strengthening process. So glad you found this site, it's an awesome place for support and advice. Welcome!!!
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