Abundance

I feel better today than I did 2 weeks ago and that is even before I found out he cheated on me!!!!! What does that tell you/me?

Abundance

Today, while I was vacuuming ... and I was vacuuming under his desk. For the first time in a long time.... I didn't have to fear how I was going to react if I picked up a shell of a pen (straw) or a random dollar bill that had been rolled up. Or a stashed pill container thrown behind and underneath the desk. The freedom of cleaning without wondering "what do I do - how do I react" if I happen upon something that doesn't look "right".

It wasn't about HIM using anymore. Where my concern was.... was how *I* was going to react. I knew I couldn't control him ... I only could control myself. And controlling myself with my feelings/reactions took SO MUCH energy. It wasn't like I was dealing with some small stuff here.... OF COURSE - my body and feelings were going crazy - when dealing with someone who lied and lied and did drugs and in the end cheated! I couldn't stand how my body was feeling..... SO MUCH HURT AND PAIN.

And you know what? I don't even have to worry anymore about reacting to situations any more! HECK - I don't even have to think about how or even if I'm going to have to react to something!

2 weeks ago - (before I found out about the "cute little red head on the airplane") - I was either waking up and/or going to bed being filled with anxiety - or feeling rejected - feeling pain and hurt- wanting more from my mate. Never satisfied with just "being". He would tell me I was just insecure - heck - his mother even jumped in on that band wagon!

And you know what? There was only one reason why I was insecure! Because I was in a dysfunctional relationship - repeating the same thing - and expecting different results!!!!!!

And yes - my life has become unmanageable - but taking a common denominator OUT - I can feel and KNOW that my life is now going to become manageable again!

Peace ~ xoxo

suki44883

You go girl!!!

Impurrfect

(((Abs))) - it IS like a huge weight lifted off our shoulders when we throw away that need to obsess about "him". Once we are away from them, we can also realize that just because we were the insecure, clingy (or whatever) type person we were with them, we now have the ability to not be that type of person again.

I've had to learn about who I am and what I want, as if I was a kid again, since every relationship I've had has been with an A. This has meant some serious "no relationship" time, but it's pretty cool finding out I don't NEED anyone to complete me

Keep you're head held high, sweetie, and keep moving forward. You are doing great!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy