I'm tired of it and had enough
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 86
I'm tired of it and had enough
Seriously, I thought things would be better after I stopped drinking, and I thought arguments and that would stop, but no, just seems to be getting worse. It also seems a bit unfair that people can go out and have fun and have social drinks and I can't because I once was something. I'm losing friends , I have cancelled so many times on my friends because I can't have a drink and now I don't even go out anywhere. They're getting annoyed with me. I'm sick of the guilty feeling if i decide to go out and do decide to drink and but not get drunk. To hell with it...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hey maz, you been reading my posts huh?
I'm just like you, but I came back here. Don't know what else to do, my way causes more grief than having the winning lottery numbers one week too late, lol. I don't know what to suggest, except try to stay here and see what others think. That's my only avenue to change that I have right now, since my friends too have went out to another party tonight without me. That's ok, I need a break today, and maybe you do too?
I'm just like you, but I came back here. Don't know what else to do, my way causes more grief than having the winning lottery numbers one week too late, lol. I don't know what to suggest, except try to stay here and see what others think. That's my only avenue to change that I have right now, since my friends too have went out to another party tonight without me. That's ok, I need a break today, and maybe you do too?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Hi Maz,
I do understand how hard it is in the beginning when we stop drinking.It can feel isolating when most of our friends all drank and suddenly we're not.
But just stop for a second and think about what brought you here in the first place?If you could drink and control it would you really be here?I doubt you came to SR because you thought it was all under control.
Also-if your friends are getting pissy cos you wont drink with them?Are they really your friends? If they need you to drink with them in order for you to relate then perhaps they're not as supportive of you as good friends should be?
I know for me I had to leave some people behind when I got sober and yes, it's hard.But there's more to it.We have to start creating a new life for ourselves and make friends who support us in being sober.You don't have to live an isolated miserable life and going back drinking with your old buddies isn't the solution either.
I know it's hard-but it doesn't have to be that way forever.It does get better but you have to believe your sobriety and your life are worth it.
Jules.
I do understand how hard it is in the beginning when we stop drinking.It can feel isolating when most of our friends all drank and suddenly we're not.
But just stop for a second and think about what brought you here in the first place?If you could drink and control it would you really be here?I doubt you came to SR because you thought it was all under control.
Also-if your friends are getting pissy cos you wont drink with them?Are they really your friends? If they need you to drink with them in order for you to relate then perhaps they're not as supportive of you as good friends should be?
I know for me I had to leave some people behind when I got sober and yes, it's hard.But there's more to it.We have to start creating a new life for ourselves and make friends who support us in being sober.You don't have to live an isolated miserable life and going back drinking with your old buddies isn't the solution either.
I know it's hard-but it doesn't have to be that way forever.It does get better but you have to believe your sobriety and your life are worth it.
Jules.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 86
My friends don't mind if I don't drink, but if that's what they are doing then what is really the point in me going. I will be so bored and just wanna go home so I don't bother going anyway.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm sorry Maz. I know how that feels.
I wish I had something to cheer you up
For all but the very last of my 20 year drinking career I just wanted to drink - I didn't want to stop - I just wanted to be like everyone else and control it.
I wasn't like everybody else tho - and all the tantrums and angry drinking and attempts to moderate in the world didn't change that.
You came here to SR for a reason Maz. You said you have a problem. I don't think problems like the one we have go away.
I drank for a long time - I expected to be totally fine in a few weeks - but it doesn't work like that.
Stopping drinking is the easy bit - it's the staying stopped that takes the blood sweat and tears.
Like Jules said, we have to build a new life for ourselves....otherwise we're sitting in the old drinking life, just not drinking...and no-one can last like that for long. Can you find other things to do with yr friends that don't involve the pub? Join a sporting group? concerts? movies?
Think of all the ways your life and relationships have gotten better since you stopped drinking - hang on to that Maz - keep up the good work
D
I wish I had something to cheer you up
For all but the very last of my 20 year drinking career I just wanted to drink - I didn't want to stop - I just wanted to be like everyone else and control it.
I wasn't like everybody else tho - and all the tantrums and angry drinking and attempts to moderate in the world didn't change that.
You came here to SR for a reason Maz. You said you have a problem. I don't think problems like the one we have go away.
I drank for a long time - I expected to be totally fine in a few weeks - but it doesn't work like that.
Stopping drinking is the easy bit - it's the staying stopped that takes the blood sweat and tears.
Like Jules said, we have to build a new life for ourselves....otherwise we're sitting in the old drinking life, just not drinking...and no-one can last like that for long. Can you find other things to do with yr friends that don't involve the pub? Join a sporting group? concerts? movies?
Think of all the ways your life and relationships have gotten better since you stopped drinking - hang on to that Maz - keep up the good work
D
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
If 'friends' aren't coming around to join you in sober activities, how important are they as 'friends'....?
I discovered that my closest friends were just drinking buddies... we only got together because of the drinks.
For me the most important thing I learned in early sobriety was 'if nothing changes, then nothing changes'.
I changed, my lifestyle changed, I started doing new things with new people.
It was hard, like anything I've ever achieved, but it sure was worthwhile!
I discovered that my closest friends were just drinking buddies... we only got together because of the drinks.
For me the most important thing I learned in early sobriety was 'if nothing changes, then nothing changes'.
I changed, my lifestyle changed, I started doing new things with new people.
It was hard, like anything I've ever achieved, but it sure was worthwhile!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Maz, I know it's hard.
The changes we have to make in early sobriety are very difficult, no question about that.
And Dee and Jules are right about moving on. I had remove some people from my life. I knew that instinctively. But, I was so surprised when new people came into my life almost immediately who guided me on my spiritual journey.
The changes we have to make in early sobriety are very difficult, no question about that.
And Dee and Jules are right about moving on. I had remove some people from my life. I knew that instinctively. But, I was so surprised when new people came into my life almost immediately who guided me on my spiritual journey.
13 May 2009
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 83
Maz, i hear what you are saying, i have been sober since may so not too far behind you. I told myself I would give SR a break for a while, just b/c I felt like I was living in SR and not living in the real world anymore, but reading your post made me realise that maybe what I/we are going through is part of sobriety....I feel exactly the same way as you do and I have gone from feeling like a sober hero and totally vigilant about my sobriety to a tragic zero almost overnight.....
I was lying awake last night thinking about why I felt so down, I mean I have achieved sobriety for over 1 month an achievement unimaginable until now. Was it the fact that a) I couldn't have a drink or b) b/c my life seemed so empty without one? Facinf my life with sober eyes and realising that it lacks meaning and that alcohol was my best buddy is a terribly tragic realisation. I/we now have to find a way to live, socially, spiritually and sober in this world, which at the moment it seems quite daunting and lonely at least for me.
Like you I stayed at home last night while my friends went to a big party, they texted me to complain that they could not get into the bathroom b/c people were taking too long with their drug consumption...wow great party?? I am not missing that, but I have lost my way I will admit that. I am just going to treat this time as part of the process and perhaps in a way I am grieving my old life, friends and habits, the reality of sobriety has finally dawned, its a long road and one that requires rebuilding my life. But I cannot go back after coming so far and so I guess I will need to find a new way of thinking (the living I guess will follow), thank you for sharing your thoughts and your post, it made me feel less alone and everyones advice was very helpful. Good Luck Maz, friday and saturday nights are the worst!
I was lying awake last night thinking about why I felt so down, I mean I have achieved sobriety for over 1 month an achievement unimaginable until now. Was it the fact that a) I couldn't have a drink or b) b/c my life seemed so empty without one? Facinf my life with sober eyes and realising that it lacks meaning and that alcohol was my best buddy is a terribly tragic realisation. I/we now have to find a way to live, socially, spiritually and sober in this world, which at the moment it seems quite daunting and lonely at least for me.
Like you I stayed at home last night while my friends went to a big party, they texted me to complain that they could not get into the bathroom b/c people were taking too long with their drug consumption...wow great party?? I am not missing that, but I have lost my way I will admit that. I am just going to treat this time as part of the process and perhaps in a way I am grieving my old life, friends and habits, the reality of sobriety has finally dawned, its a long road and one that requires rebuilding my life. But I cannot go back after coming so far and so I guess I will need to find a new way of thinking (the living I guess will follow), thank you for sharing your thoughts and your post, it made me feel less alone and everyones advice was very helpful. Good Luck Maz, friday and saturday nights are the worst!
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