Hope87

I know any anger or grief I experience from dumb things my AB says is my fault because I allow myself to be in this situation and I allow it to affect me the way it does...BUT I JUST NEED TO VENT GUYS...sorry

AB has been nice all day today like he usually does. Been that way since we've been together (clean or using). Always sweet text about missing me...loving me...joking back and forth (the part that's making it hard for me to just cut the ties). Fine. Well now his new thing is "working" (he's an HVAC engineer )every weekend. He used to do this before from time to time but since at least the beginning of the month you know he goes in in the morning for 1-3 hours then comes home then he has to go back for a few hours. Says they're working on stuff that needs to be done when no one is in the building. This could be true but anymore I'm not sure. I hate it cause it's enough time for him to go do what he wants to do but not enough time for me to go do something cause by the time I get out he'll be on his way back home. It's just the thought...I know you're not going to "work" and if you are...that's your extra money for buying drugs!!!!! Uhhhhh it just pisses me off! Then when he comes home he'll sleep most of the time...

ok...it's the disease not the person, no control, no cure, no cause...disease, no cure, no control, no cause.....deep breaths.


I know...I'm still working myself out here. So ya know what...to hell with him. I'm going to make plans to go out with my brother tonight and have fun! If he wants to go use or work or whatever he's doing then lay around and sleep the rest of the time...so be it. I'm gonna go out and not worry about what the hell he's doing. Hopefully another step in a positive direction. Thanks so much for listening and advice guys! Love to you all!

Faith444

You've got the right idea... go do your own thang. Try to have fun and relax. I know it's hard bc if you're like me you're worried they're gonna be dead when you return. Which is so unfair- for us to be worried about something, so stressful. My gf/wife is also consistently sweet and nice no matter what. She has only been rude and defensive when I let her know I know she's using. But the defensiveness and rudeness let's me know that I'm right too. It's good to know what you know. A step toward sanity. Additionally my gf piles on the gifts and extra favors when she's using. She has never missed paying rent (yet) and works hard at her job. It's like, aside from the using, she gets 5 golds starts for being a great gf/wife. But the thing is, the using makes her and anyone essentially UNAVAILABLE emotionally... even if they don't beat you or curse at you... they CANNOT be an equal partner. They are mentally and emotionally not present. They are faking it. not that he doesn't love you or my gf doesn't love me... but if my mind is filled with, "Hmmm I wonder what we will do this afternoon, I feel like going out to eat, I'd liek to get it on, it's nice weather outside, etc" and her mind is filled with, "Hmmm how am I gonna get away for 5 minutes to meet my dealer, what can I say while I'm in the bathroom using, how much am I gonna buy, Should I buy or not, etc" then the interaction between you two is phony and not real intimacy, which EVERYONE needs (except perhaps autistic ppl).

Faith444

And sorry, one more thing. I agree, it's the disease, not the person.... but unless the person is choosing to seek recovery, I have a problem letting them off the hook (so to speak) with that distinction. Bc true, a heroin addict totally does NOT have the power to turn down a hit, but they can go into a program or get on methadone or a lot of things that would give them the power to make that choice.

justtired

Hope - you have the right idea. Go out and have fun doing whatever YOU want to do (or maybe you already did, I'm a little late here I think)

Just wanted to tell you that I used to wait for my abf to get up and get out of bed so we could make plans. I would get so irritated when he'd sleep until noon or later and I'd be mad that I spent half my day waiting around. I no longer do that. I make plans for my day and do them regardless of what he does. He tends to get upset that none of my plans include him, but that's his loss. Can't live your life around someone else... especially when someone else is an addict. Today, I'm going to the Farmer's Market, doing some fun stuff around the yard and buying my dogs a pool to play in. He'll probably miss it all, but that's what happens when you choose drugs over life...

Hope87

See anvilhead...I get that too. Not trying to make excuses but he does have a physically demanding job. Even when he used to live in the recovery house he used to come home and sleep a lot. He does work Monday thru Friday. But his sleep patterns are all screwed up. During the day he works, does some things around the house, sleeps for a little while, whatever. Then at night he's up off and on. Apparently, he doesn't sleep right at night. So on the weekends, you'd think he'd just stay home and relax a little. But like I said, I'm not saying he isn't working, he very well could be. It's just all so confusing....but it will be all good! Thanks everyone for getting back!

Hope87

Hey, what's up?

Yeah, we went out! it was a nice night. Glad to get out and do my own thing without the worry of what the heck he's doing. I used to be really bad at leaving him home alone for fear of what he'd be doing. Or going out when he goes to work or whatever. Still a slight hint of worry but getting much better at it. Thanks!