winnie12

so still no word on placement for AS - i'm not really getting any info from the state and have pretty much dropped trying to get them to talk to me - all i'm told is they are trying to do something within two months. My son thinks he can talk them into just sending him to the state YDC and doing time instead of going to the ranch - PO says that's not happening but i'm just letting him think what he wants so is she - does no good to argue with him. Silly boy has no idea what the state YDC is like - its more like prison and a majority of those boys are just waiting to do adult time.

I really dont like visitation - just hurts my heart seeing him, but i'm noticing a change in myself that actually could be a breakthrough for me. I still am affected greatly but not in the same way. I saw him last night and just felt sad - very sad. But what i didnt feel was that crazy gotta argue, talk him into something, fix everything, make him understand or feel better panic that I usually feel. Instead i just looked at him and thought i love and miss him and i'm sad he's here. I'm going to have emotions over this but i really think that sadness is the appropriate emotion over some of the others that i have. It still wiped me out - it still hurt but it wasnt the same displaced emotion that there was something i could or should do.

not sure if any of that made sense

Daisy09

Winnie, it makes perfect sense. No matter what he's done, he's your son and you love him and of course you're sad to see him where he is today. My heart really goes out to all the mom's here struggling with the addictions of their children. I really can't begin imagine how hard it must be, and it really puts my own situation into perspective for me.

Thinking of you and wishing you and your son a future full of love and peace,
Daisy

Impurrfect

(((Winnie))) - it makes perfect sense to me, and it sounds like a big step forward. I totally understand you being sad...you're his mom; but I'm glad you're not getting all stressed about what USED to stress you - calming him down, keeping him motivated, worrying about where he's going next and if he's going to screw up before he gets there, etc.

It's time - time for mama Winnie to take care of Winnie, and AS to do whatever he needs to do to get where he wants to be.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

laurie6781

(((((Winnie)))))

What you said makes PERFECT SENSE. You are reaching "Accetance."

Sometimes as Moms we have to put a 'protective shell' around our hearts (no we don't get 'hard hearted', we just protect ourselves). We accept that there is nothing we can do or say to change the child's perspective at the time and finally understand that this is one they have to learn by their own experience. Now, that doesn't mean that we aren't there, just means we have to take a 'back seat.'

You are GROWING my friend!!!!!!

Good thoughts and prayers continue to wing their way to you from NM.

Love and hugs,

MyJoey

Winnie,

I just love how Laurie put it, so true. It is hard, and as women we have our days that nothing works and sadness is just the order of the day. You just have to look at it like he is safe and hope that during his clean time his brain will have time to grow and learn. Sad thing is as parents we want our children to have fun and do all the things kids/teens do, as parents of addicts all we want is our kids to live to be adults hoping they will mature and change their ways. I pray they get him to the ranch soon, he needs it and so do you.

outtolunch

Fabulous news.