Mambo Queen

In the past few things, I hit a sort of "bottom" with my feelings about my STBXAH, which led me to do a few things while drunk myself (nothing completely terrible, just picking arguments and writing some emails I regretted writing the next morning) that led me to think....hmmm. I've been wondering for a while why I have felt "stuck" in my progress, and I've known in my heart for a while that I have my own drinking problem, so maybe I could benefit from what I've been advocating all along. So I went to my first AA meeting on Monday, and I really liked it. And I think I'll stick with it, especially this meeting as it's full of very supportive and encouraging women. In fact, it hit home with me a lot more than the handful of Al-Anon meetings I've attended have, although I certainly know I'm for sure a "double winner", and in fact still believe my codependent relationship with AH has harmed me more than my own alcoholism, and that giving that relationship up completely will be more challenging for me than putting down the bottle myself.

So, in light of this, is it OK that I try to seek my supportive group in AA instead of Al-Anon right now. When I went to AA, I felt that the focus was more totally on me and not him, and that felt empowering. Although I know the focus on Al-Anon is on yourself and not your "A", somehow that never clicked with me as much in those meetings as it has at AA, where I truly feel I'm doing something for me and me alone. They are the same 12 steps, after all, so I'm pretty sure it's a good thing that I'm going to either meeting. Maybe some people on the boards with experience being a double-winner can advise.

Also, at this time I don't feel like I want to share my very new revelation (that I'm an A myself) and my very new own program of recovery with STBXAH at all. Mainly because I feel like it'll give him hope for our future, and frankly, I don't think there is any. One nice benefit of being in the meeting for me was realizing that there was all of this support and fellowship available. STBXAH has been going to a meeting a day, and he says it's helping him stay sober and that he likes the people, yet he still complains loudly and all the time about how lonely he is. I feel if that's the case, then he's not reaching out to the help and support that could be there for him, although that's more of me wanting to police his side of the street.

Barbara52

{hugs}

I am glad you are finding your way and getting the help you need.

Freedom1990

AA was my first and primary program and still is today. Those 12 steps apply to all areas of my life, including codependency. I'm very blessed in that my AA sponsor is also black belt Alanon.

Good for you in taking an honest look at self and where you can continue to grow in your own recovery!

:ghug :ghug

DesertEyes

Absolutely yes. There's a little slogan in _all_ the 12 step program; "Take what you like and leave the rest". So if one program works better for you today then by all means go where you find yourself doing the most healing.

I've done that myself. I started in AA, then found that I needed to do a lot of work in ACoA so I went to both. Then I added ISA. A few years back I discovered I needed al-anon so I joined them, and a couple years ago I started dating a lady with a serious eating disorder so now I'm in OA-anon.

They all work for me in different ways, and address different needs at different times.

Mike