Consequences

Old 06-15-2009, 08:50 AM
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Consequences

I am not enjoying this at all.

Kicked AH out 1 & 1/2 weeks ago. He was supposed to take his meds as prescribed for his chronic pain and was supposed to fill out papers for rehab.

I caught him getting into them redhanded. I took them away and said he couldn't have them, I had paid for them and I wasn't giving them to him. He waited till everyone was asleep and found them. That was the final straw for me & I made him leave. He took his stuff but convienantly forgot the AA book & rehab papers.

He moved into the crappy garage apt next door but ended up moving his stuff back into his shop out back 4 days later because the landlord wanted money and he didn't have it. He doesn't have a job due to his bad back & neck and does handyman type work sporadically.

He came to the door a couple of days ago and asked what did he need to do to fix this. I said he needed to figure that out. I basically told him he could'nt have the drugs and a family too. He asked me for his AA book & rehab papers, I give them to him & then I shut the door on him and he left.

He calls me the next day & says he called the rehab place but doesn't know if he'll go because he can't take his prescribed meds there and feels like he won't be able to deal with the pain. I don't say anything & end the call.

Since then he has been spending time with our son, took him to church yesterday (he needs to spend a helluva alot of time there!) took him fishing, yadayada. He tells son he is taking meds correctly. Yah, whatever.....

Yesterday I catch son in the kitchen making a sandwich. I ask him what he is doing, he tells me he's taking it to his dad because he hasn't eaten in 2 days.

Geez, wth..... I guess I should have seen that coming. I don't doubt he is hungry. Whatever money he has made I'm sure he'll say went to gas or food anything but pills & pot.

My mom is afraid I will let him back because I won't be able to stand him going hungry or living without ac in the texas heat. That I'll feel sorry for him being unable to make enough money to live on.

But I know, if he has no plan to stop or recovery in place it will happen all over again. Living here with us with me paying the bills & buying the food makes it convient for him to do what he wants to do.

I just need some support. This is hard.

Teggie
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Old 06-15-2009, 09:29 AM
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(((Teggie)))
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Old 06-15-2009, 09:35 AM
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Hi Teggie ~ I'm here to support you as you have been for me. I know this is really hard for you, but you are doing great!

I was just thinking, do you think that they really believe they have that much pain that they truly can't live without the pills? Or is that just a handy ploy to keep using?

Anvil is right, he is not helpless. And if you hold out and stay strong, he will move on to his next step. Each step he takes could lead him closer to recovery. If his next step is back into your house, he'll just have to start all over and you will too. Hang in there!
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Old 06-15-2009, 10:59 AM
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Thank you Anvil, come to Texas & be my BFF! You are great!

He does have options, I see that. I feel like it's an effort to manipulate me. This am he asked to take son to some house painting job he is doing and he bought son Mcdonalds on the way. When last night he hadn't eaten in 2 days? WTF ever.....

I am doing ok, I call my mom and talk to her, she helps keep me grounded. Then he called sounding all chipper & wondering why I didn't want to talk to him. Idiot....

I do my readings, have my alanon meeting tonight. I kept my peice of paper that lists all that he's done so I can remind myself. When I feel bad I pull it out. Having it there in black & white reminds me why I am doing what I have to do.

We had a family vacation planned to Branson next month, I saved every month all freakin year to do it. Have a cabin rented already, show tickets bought. My mom was already going to go so I asked my sister if she wanted to go in AH's place.. She's trying to get the time off, hopefully she can go. He knows he ain't going. And he knows the kids and I are going anyways. He prob thinks I can't handle the drive but I can. So he'll get to stay & think about it.

Justtired, I feel like he prob thinks he can't make it without the pain meds. I feel like the meds prob make his pain worse. But the bottom line is he can't take them correctly & he's smoking pot & doing other meds along with it. And I can't live with that & keep my sanity. I think he uses that excuse to rationalize to himself why he should keep using. I feel like he could go check into rehab, he could go talk to his doc & tell him he's addicted and try some non narcotic option. I feel like he has those options but right now he won't take them.

So I can't back down.

Thank you all,
Teggie
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Old 06-15-2009, 11:15 AM
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I am praying for you Teggie!!!
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Old 06-15-2009, 11:20 AM
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The use of imagry can be powerful.

I have an image I conjur in my mind when I start to see my ABF as helpless, and I feel the need to mommy him and not stay on my side of the street.

I imagine my ABF as a two-year-old toddling down the opposite side of the road from me dragging an axe along behind him. Those instinctive feelings of rushing to him and saving him from himself and from the world well up in force.

Then I image my ABF on that same road opposite me dragging that same axe but as the grown 30+-year-old often intoxicated man that he is.

....well, I don't have to tell you how quickly those feelings drain from me and how easy it is to want to stay on my own damn side of the street from him with that image in my mind.

Stay strong.
Stay with us.
Stay on your side of the street.

Alice
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Old 06-15-2009, 12:21 PM
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You are doing great!!!!!. Come here, in addition to talking to your mom, any time you feel your grit 'waning.'

I would make a suggestion though for your vacation. Not knowing how far along he is in his addiction, before you go, remove anything of sentimental or monetary value from your house and put at your mom's until you return, otherwise those things may be long gone and sold. That is just an addict's way.

And he doesn't have to go hungry. Since he isnot working, and 'disabled' he can go to the food banks and he can go to Salvation Army or the nearest 'Rescue Mission' for a hot meal every day. OH and BTW Salvation Army has a wonderful FREE rehab program.

My rayers are with you and your son. Have fun in Branson!!!!!!!

Love and hugs,
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Old 06-15-2009, 12:33 PM
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Yah, and if I think for a minute he ain't using I'm a fool. I see no proof of it but I don't need to. He isn't withdrawing & is telling son he's doing "ok" = still using.

I have been thinking about my son, right now he's careful, from what I see not to expose son to that. But as he gets sicker, and I'm sure he will I will have to do something. I already only allow son to see him for short times during the day, none at night.

Just trying to deal with it a step at a time.

Thanks Laurie, good advice, I'll do that =)

Thanks!
Teggie
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Old 06-16-2009, 07:07 AM
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Just a thought here... but is there any risk he will go into the house and take things while you are gone? Would be the perfect time to sell things for cash to feed his addiction.
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Old 06-16-2009, 07:52 AM
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Yesterday evening I had to ask him to watch son for a couple of hours so I could go to alanon. The girls were with thier dad & in hindsight I should have just took him with me.

I got home and he & son are over at a neighbors house. I had to call at 1030 to get son home. So when he dropped son off I had to open my mouth and ask what he'd been doing over there this whole time? Watching tv was the answer.

It started an absolutley useless discussion about nothing. He says he has only been taking his meds as prescribed and has not done any extras or smoked pot since he left. That I don't understand that he has to take meds for his chronic pain to function but admitted that he can't control them. Supposedly he is on the waiting list for rehab.

I told him I have never said he didn't have chronic pain but felt like he is one of those peeps who can't take narcotics because he will not control them. That he crosses that line between pain managment & getting high. I said I can't beleive whether he is telling the truth or not because he has lied so much. And I brought up all he has done, the lies, the pawning stuff, the stoned behaviour etc etc etc.
I said there are options that he needs to look into but I could'nt live with him the way he is. That it would just happen again & again. He wasn't gorked out but I could tell by his pupils he had something in his system whether it was prescribed meds or whatever.

He denies he was so stoned the day after he stole the pills while everyone was asleep. When I saw with my own eyes how stoned he was. He wants me to think I am imagining things or going crazy.

Totally useless conversation. I should have known better. Is he really that stupid? Or thinks I am?


Like to to reason with a wall. I should have known better.

Teggie
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Old 06-16-2009, 08:36 AM
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I don't see how anything is ever going to get much better if he continues to live out back in the garage. He needs to be GONE! Off the property.
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