Not keen on step one
Soft & Silky & Manageable
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Radelaide
Posts: 148
Not keen on step one
Has anybody else struggled with this?
I really want to try the 12 steps for my recovery this time round. But steps 1, 2 and 3 turned me right away. Step 4 even confused me a bit, and I'm struggling with step one! I just can't admit to myself, or anyone, that I'm powerless over my addiction.
After all, it comes down to US doesn't it? It's up to ME if I decide to use or not right? Am I taking the 12 steps to literally? Are they more like guidelines as opposed to strict rules?
Please if anybody else has felt this way I would love to hear your thoughts.
I really want to try the 12 steps for my recovery this time round. But steps 1, 2 and 3 turned me right away. Step 4 even confused me a bit, and I'm struggling with step one! I just can't admit to myself, or anyone, that I'm powerless over my addiction.
After all, it comes down to US doesn't it? It's up to ME if I decide to use or not right? Am I taking the 12 steps to literally? Are they more like guidelines as opposed to strict rules?
Please if anybody else has felt this way I would love to hear your thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Step one is the most important, obviously.
I still struggle with it. Many do. What does it mean to be powerless over alcohol? For you?
For me it was the obsession with alcohol and the compulsion to drink it. It became OK for me to do that pretty much whenever.... I could stop most of the time before I slurred, got dizzy, blacked out... So that maybe wasn't powerlessness... But if I knew there was a bottle around, the alcohol became like a tractor beam... I found myself taking pretty stiff hits off it when I had no reason to, like, what the hell am I doing??? For me, that was my powerlessness.
What's yours?
Welcome to SR, I haven't yet exchanged a post with you.
Mark
I still struggle with it. Many do. What does it mean to be powerless over alcohol? For you?
For me it was the obsession with alcohol and the compulsion to drink it. It became OK for me to do that pretty much whenever.... I could stop most of the time before I slurred, got dizzy, blacked out... So that maybe wasn't powerlessness... But if I knew there was a bottle around, the alcohol became like a tractor beam... I found myself taking pretty stiff hits off it when I had no reason to, like, what the hell am I doing??? For me, that was my powerlessness.
What's yours?
Welcome to SR, I haven't yet exchanged a post with you.
Mark
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Oh, you need a sponsor to help you work those steps and answer your questions. When the BB talks about the steps and recovery... "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has rigorously followed our path" "Half measures availed us nothing"
Stuff like that.... You want to recover?
Billy, just get that first step going. Get it from your head to your heart... The steps are simple, not easy. You need to be convinced, and when you are... you will do anything you need to, and you will be grateful for the program.
The next eleven steps will come in time... don't look to far ahead.
Mark
Stuff like that.... You want to recover?
Billy, just get that first step going. Get it from your head to your heart... The steps are simple, not easy. You need to be convinced, and when you are... you will do anything you need to, and you will be grateful for the program.
The next eleven steps will come in time... don't look to far ahead.
Mark
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,151
Cubile's right - we work the steps with a sponsor. Do you have one?
Maybe another way of looking at your struggle is to look at where your drinking/using took you - your own personal examples - and how unmanageable your life was.
Good Luck
Maybe another way of looking at your struggle is to look at where your drinking/using took you - your own personal examples - and how unmanageable your life was.
Good Luck
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Billy, I have felt exactly the same way and I concluded that I am not powerless over alcohol...just the thoughts that pop into my head. I have learned how to ignore the thoughts and continue moving forward. Admission of powerlessness is for me a lie...I lied to myself long enough...the truth is I am in control. Best of luck to you.
Soft & Silky & Manageable
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Radelaide
Posts: 148
G'day Mark, thanks for the welcome 
To me powerlessness means I don't have control. I feel that if I took the first step and admitted that I'm powerless, then I lose control over my life. Then (step 3) turn my LIFE over to the care of God. Now, I believe in God in my own way, but turning my life over to his care .. hrm maybe I'm misinterpreting.
I'm trying to say that IF I was to admit that I am powerless, I will feel powerless and then what happens to my decision making privileges? I'm just really confused and not willing to admit I'm powerless. However, when I DO use, I let it get out of control, then I let it control my life and my life has to structure around using.
So it's still ME allowing myself to use, noone else. And when it comes down to it, it's MY choice if I use or if I don't. Admitting that I'm powerless seems like a HUGE step to take and I just feel that heading down that road will be forever-life-changing. I can see many, many positives down that road, but admitting that I'm powerless, that I'm not in control, I can't see this happening overnight for me.
Maybe I'll reconsider down the track, and then again, the 12 steps aren't for everybody. Plenty of people can remain abstinent without choosing to head down the 12-step road. Am I right?
On the other hand, there are a few step I REALLY like; Step 8 for example.
To me powerlessness means I don't have control. I feel that if I took the first step and admitted that I'm powerless, then I lose control over my life. Then (step 3) turn my LIFE over to the care of God. Now, I believe in God in my own way, but turning my life over to his care .. hrm maybe I'm misinterpreting.
I'm trying to say that IF I was to admit that I am powerless, I will feel powerless and then what happens to my decision making privileges? I'm just really confused and not willing to admit I'm powerless. However, when I DO use, I let it get out of control, then I let it control my life and my life has to structure around using.
So it's still ME allowing myself to use, noone else. And when it comes down to it, it's MY choice if I use or if I don't. Admitting that I'm powerless seems like a HUGE step to take and I just feel that heading down that road will be forever-life-changing. I can see many, many positives down that road, but admitting that I'm powerless, that I'm not in control, I can't see this happening overnight for me.
Maybe I'll reconsider down the track, and then again, the 12 steps aren't for everybody. Plenty of people can remain abstinent without choosing to head down the 12-step road. Am I right?
On the other hand, there are a few step I REALLY like; Step 8 for example.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
I will feel powerless and then what happens to my decision making privileges?
Remember, saying your powerless doesn't mean you are helpless!!
Sounds like you have a higher power... how can he help you?... the 12 steps will show you how.
Mark
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I haven't done the twelve steps in any formal way, but I know, without a doubt, I am powerless over alcohol. That one was easy to me. And, I most definitely had to reconnect spiritually with my HP. I had felt so lost for so long, I knew I couldn't continue without the spiritual connection.
I found it hard to make amends though and I did a lot of journalling. I did not want to put people in a position of feeling obligated to forgive me, if they didn't really mean it. But, I think writing down some thoughts at this time of your recovery could be helpful.
I found it hard to make amends though and I did a lot of journalling. I did not want to put people in a position of feeling obligated to forgive me, if they didn't really mean it. But, I think writing down some thoughts at this time of your recovery could be helpful.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Billy,
Step 3 does not say turn you will and life over to your HP, it says made a decision to do this. This is a very important distinction. Steps 4 thru 12 are where you actually turn your will and life over.
Step 3 does not say turn you will and life over to your HP, it says made a decision to do this. This is a very important distinction. Steps 4 thru 12 are where you actually turn your will and life over.
Soft & Silky & Manageable
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Radelaide
Posts: 148
Hmm I think I get it now I know that if I use, it will take control of my life, rendering me powerless once again. Therefore, my life becomes unmanageable. As it has so many times in the past. So, I AM powerless because IF I use THEN I lose power and control over my life and substance takes control.
I believe the higher power exists within me so if I'm to admit I'm powerless and that my life has become unmanageable, (and turn my life over to a higher power) I can still find it in me and therefore I'll feel better because it's all coming from me and I am in control.
Wow.
everybody for your replies! I really believe I understand it better now. And it doesn't seem anything like I made it out to be.
I know that if I use, it will take control of my life, rendering me powerless once again. Therefore, my life becomes unmanageable. As it has so many times in the past. So, I AM powerless because IF I use THEN I lose power and control over my life and substance takes control.I believe the higher power exists within me so if I'm to admit I'm powerless and that my life has become unmanageable, (and turn my life over to a higher power) I can still find it in me and therefore I'll feel better because it's all coming from me and I am in control.
Wow.
everybody for your replies! I really believe I understand it better now. And it doesn't seem anything like I made it out to be.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
The way I look at it, and though I've never actually worked through all the 12-steps, I've been to many meetings and am very familiar with the program, is that you are not admitting that you are powerless...you are powerless over alcohol. I don't know your perosnal history, but for me, if I weren't powerless over it, I would not have any issue with my binge drinking, or for me, my nonstop pot smoking. I would have seen that this was destroying my life and just quit. I wasn't able to do that. It took losing almost everything that was important to me to finally realize that I am indeed powerles over this. That doesn't mean I am powerless, but when it comes to drugs and alcohol, for whatever reason too much is never enough.
The steps are meant to be woked in order as well. If you had a sponsor, he would probably tell you not to worry about any of them except the first one, at least that is what I was told. For me the first one was a no-brainer. I had made a complete mess of my life from my smoking and drinking. You still have the power of choice, and it is true you have to choose not to drink, the powerlessness usually comes in once you decide it is ok to drink. Maybe not the first time, but for most, it is usually an eventuallity.
All that being said, yes, there are many other methods of getting sober other than the 12-steps, though they are the most accepted. Most of them rely on cognative behavioral therapy, groups like SMART, Lifering, SOS, to name a few. You will, however, find much less face to face support with these groups, and many people miss that. If you are interested, check out the Secular Connections forum for more info on these groups. Good group of folks over there. Take care.
The steps are meant to be woked in order as well. If you had a sponsor, he would probably tell you not to worry about any of them except the first one, at least that is what I was told. For me the first one was a no-brainer. I had made a complete mess of my life from my smoking and drinking. You still have the power of choice, and it is true you have to choose not to drink, the powerlessness usually comes in once you decide it is ok to drink. Maybe not the first time, but for most, it is usually an eventuallity.
All that being said, yes, there are many other methods of getting sober other than the 12-steps, though they are the most accepted. Most of them rely on cognative behavioral therapy, groups like SMART, Lifering, SOS, to name a few. You will, however, find much less face to face support with these groups, and many people miss that. If you are interested, check out the Secular Connections forum for more info on these groups. Good group of folks over there. Take care.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
I don't 12 step, but I can get past step one by admitting that after x drinks, I am indeed powerless. My last night drinking proved that I was not in control of myself. Since I have no idea on any given night how many x is, I have made the decision to abstain completely.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Just for me and my sponsees (and anyone else who wishes to think this way)...
There are no steps other than the step you are currently on right now (don't look ahead).
Being powerless over alcohol is like being powerless over jumping off of a 6 story building - this is NOT a weakness, just reality.
We are all powerless over the weather too, no weakness.
Realizing and admitting powerlessness over a particular situation is a STRENGTH.
Feeling that one has FALSE power over a situation is weakness (and insanity).
There are no steps other than the step you are currently on right now (don't look ahead).
Being powerless over alcohol is like being powerless over jumping off of a 6 story building - this is NOT a weakness, just reality.
We are all powerless over the weather too, no weakness.
Realizing and admitting powerlessness over a particular situation is a STRENGTH.
Feeling that one has FALSE power over a situation is weakness (and insanity).
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
For some it is fairly easy to admit being powerless over alcohol, it was for me, the last 5 years of my drinking alcohol owned me, physically, mentally, & spiritually, I could not go a full day without drinking, bad things started to happen to me physically if I went without and my mind screamed for it, my soul was a hole, for many years I could fill that hole with alcohol, and then one day there was not enough alcohol to fill the hole.
I strongly encourage you to get a sponsor.
As already said With the aide and care of a Higher Power of my choosing and understanding I am granted the power to not need alcohol and to stay away from it, the craving/obsession for alcohol has been lifted from me and as long as I stay spiritually fit I will continue to be granted that reprieve.
But, I know that if I let myself slip into the place where I start thinking I can handle a drink or 2 I am getting into trouble.
You see as long as I don't take a drink, I maintain a degree of power over alcohol.
So many people think that is what is spoken of in step one, it is not, for some alcoholics though that is enough, for alcoholics like me and many others, unless we stay spiritually fit, we begin to think we can handle one drink, the longer we go without a drink the more likely we are to start thinking that we can handle a drink again, we begin to justify to our selfs that we are powerful enough to have that one drink, that we are not really alcoholics, because we have gone a long time without a drink.
We begin to lose power over alcohol as we let our spiritual fitness slip away, we start giving our selfs all the credit for staying sober, we stop allowing our Higher Power to care for us, we slowly begin to think "I have all the power I need to handle a drink, it will be different this time!". This is where we find our selfs powerless over alcohol, this is where we have that "One drink".
For this alcoholic I know for a fact that once I have that "One drink", more will follow! It may not be that day, but the seed of insanity will be planted, having had that one will convince me that I do have the power to control the beast, then I will have 2 and handle that as well. Then I will be right back where I left off, maybe worst.
Take a careful look at step 1, it says:
"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable."
Notice that the bolded words are PAST TENSE!
Thanks to the steps of AA I have solved my delima! You see my delima was a lack of POWER!!!!! The steps have led me to a Power Greater then myself that as long as I remain spiritually fit I am granted that power over alcohol.
If one is an alcoholic of my variety they will become powerless over alcohol if they have one drink, because the insanity will have returned.
One way to determine if one is powerless over alcohol or not is go have one drink, then wait 2 weeks and have 2 drinks, then have 1 drink the next day, then 2 the next day and then don't have a drink for a month, have 2 more & then don't have another one for a year!
I do not have the POWER to do that and I am not ashamed to admit it. You see I am an alcoholic, to even try the above would be insane for me.
I strongly encourage you to get a sponsor.
As already said
saying your powerless doesn't mean you are helpless!!
But, I know that if I let myself slip into the place where I start thinking I can handle a drink or 2 I am getting into trouble.
You see as long as I don't take a drink, I maintain a degree of power over alcohol.
So many people think that is what is spoken of in step one, it is not, for some alcoholics though that is enough, for alcoholics like me and many others, unless we stay spiritually fit, we begin to think we can handle one drink, the longer we go without a drink the more likely we are to start thinking that we can handle a drink again, we begin to justify to our selfs that we are powerful enough to have that one drink, that we are not really alcoholics, because we have gone a long time without a drink.
We begin to lose power over alcohol as we let our spiritual fitness slip away, we start giving our selfs all the credit for staying sober, we stop allowing our Higher Power to care for us, we slowly begin to think "I have all the power I need to handle a drink, it will be different this time!". This is where we find our selfs powerless over alcohol, this is where we have that "One drink".
For this alcoholic I know for a fact that once I have that "One drink", more will follow! It may not be that day, but the seed of insanity will be planted, having had that one will convince me that I do have the power to control the beast, then I will have 2 and handle that as well. Then I will be right back where I left off, maybe worst.
Take a careful look at step 1, it says:
"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable."
Notice that the bolded words are PAST TENSE!
Thanks to the steps of AA I have solved my delima! You see my delima was a lack of POWER!!!!! The steps have led me to a Power Greater then myself that as long as I remain spiritually fit I am granted that power over alcohol.
If one is an alcoholic of my variety they will become powerless over alcohol if they have one drink, because the insanity will have returned.
One way to determine if one is powerless over alcohol or not is go have one drink, then wait 2 weeks and have 2 drinks, then have 1 drink the next day, then 2 the next day and then don't have a drink for a month, have 2 more & then don't have another one for a year!
I do not have the POWER to do that and I am not ashamed to admit it. You see I am an alcoholic, to even try the above would be insane for me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
bill.......how you doing.
there isnt much to add from me...taz pretty much summed it up in his usual eliquent way.....read carefully there are plenty of FACTS in there.
but i do see you doing some stuff that i did.......being the complicated person i am....i tried to complicate it......IT IS A VERY SIMPLE PROGRAMME.
try to stay with one step.......they are in that order for a reason who knows what your thinking is of future steps till youve worked the one your actually on.
try not to "see"..stuff written in the step that isnt there....read the step and read it again...
it dont say powerless over addiction or powerless over your life.
two important bits powerless over alcohol....ie i dont know when im gonna stop.
and unmanagable....your life???.......think hard man......and be honest 100% with yourself.
i would go to my sponsor whinning about not doing this or that.....or not happy about god or powerless...blah..blah.
he said "you must being working from a different book cos it dont say that in mine"..lol
you got a sponsor?.....
there isnt much to add from me...taz pretty much summed it up in his usual eliquent way.....read carefully there are plenty of FACTS in there.
but i do see you doing some stuff that i did.......being the complicated person i am....i tried to complicate it......IT IS A VERY SIMPLE PROGRAMME.
try to stay with one step.......they are in that order for a reason who knows what your thinking is of future steps till youve worked the one your actually on.
try not to "see"..stuff written in the step that isnt there....read the step and read it again...
it dont say powerless over addiction or powerless over your life.
two important bits powerless over alcohol....ie i dont know when im gonna stop.
and unmanagable....your life???.......think hard man......and be honest 100% with yourself.
i would go to my sponsor whinning about not doing this or that.....or not happy about god or powerless...blah..blah.
he said "you must being working from a different book cos it dont say that in mine"..lol
you got a sponsor?.....
Soft & Silky & Manageable
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Radelaide
Posts: 148
Spoken like a true brother tazman
This has really opened my eyes, and my mind. I'm going to my first AA meeting tomorrow. I understand step one now. You are absolutely right tazman, and I'm the same. If I go a month without drinking, I start to think the same thought, "Hey, I can control this, it's all good" then I end up back again or worse (usually).
It all makes sense I can see step one may take a bit of time for me, but now I understand it a whole lot better, and thank you for taking the time to help a newbie out on this, it means the world to me, and if I had the world to give you in return I would.
This has really opened my eyes, and my mind. I'm going to my first AA meeting tomorrow. I understand step one now. You are absolutely right tazman, and I'm the same. If I go a month without drinking, I start to think the same thought, "Hey, I can control this, it's all good" then I end up back again or worse (usually).
It all makes sense
I can see step one may take a bit of time for me, but now I understand it a whole lot better, and thank you for taking the time to help a newbie out on this, it means the world to me, and if I had the world to give you in return I would.
Soft & Silky & Manageable
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Radelaide
Posts: 148
Yeah I like to complicate things lol. No don't have a sponsor yet.
I DO understand it a bit more now, I really do. The boldness I think wrapped it up for me - ty again tazman.
I DO understand it a bit more now, I really do. The boldness I think wrapped it up for me - ty again tazman.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
It all makes sense I can see step one may take a bit of time for me, but now I understand it a whole lot better, and thank you for taking the time to help a newbie out on this, it means the world to me, and if I had the world to give you in return I would.
AA is all about one alcoholic helping another alcoholic get and stay sober.
The AA program is a very simply program for very complex people. LOL
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