Sick feelings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Sick feelings
Oh those darned ole worries keep trying to sneak there way back in!!! What is up with that.....
My husband has had a couple of beers here and there with one "excessive" use and then back a beer here and there. Even said he realized that one time caused him to be "depressed" for about two days.
Well now I have noticed that he has smelled of beer at least 4 times in the past week......he hasn't been intoxicated and is still "talking" the same.....I mean not making excuses to drink or explain why he had anything.
I haven't said anything....but that sick feeling in my stomach is trying to take up residents there. I feel he is setting himself up for disaster....I know I can't do anything and he has to learn for himself....I just hate to see him think he can "fool" himself!!!! and throw away how GREAT things have been for the summer!
I pray that I am wrong, but I also pray that I don't backslide into past behavior.....help me stay focused on me and my HP!!!
I have even been having dreams that he is drinking again....what a horrible feeling to wake up too!!!
Blessings, Constant
My husband has had a couple of beers here and there with one "excessive" use and then back a beer here and there. Even said he realized that one time caused him to be "depressed" for about two days.
Well now I have noticed that he has smelled of beer at least 4 times in the past week......he hasn't been intoxicated and is still "talking" the same.....I mean not making excuses to drink or explain why he had anything.
I haven't said anything....but that sick feeling in my stomach is trying to take up residents there. I feel he is setting himself up for disaster....I know I can't do anything and he has to learn for himself....I just hate to see him think he can "fool" himself!!!! and throw away how GREAT things have been for the summer!
I pray that I am wrong, but I also pray that I don't backslide into past behavior.....help me stay focused on me and my HP!!!
I have even been having dreams that he is drinking again....what a horrible feeling to wake up too!!!
Blessings, Constant
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: orangeburg,sc
Posts: 13
I really hate when the cycle is on. The just one beer nights. "I've only had one beer, I don't know why you always say I 've been drinking when I've only had one beer." I am going to try to say nothing next time. He of course has not drank since friday, so there is no problem, but thursday is coming. Hepl me try to remember one day at a time.
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
It is so difficult at times to stay focused on our own recovery
especialy when we see the danger signs around us.
But those realy are the times to realy do all we can to focus
back on us. Our readings, praying, meetings and contact with
other's in recovery is so very important to our well being.
I've had those dreams too constant last week 3 nights in a row
I had nightmarea about my children's addictions, they will pass
they don't mean doom and gloom I believe they are just our
minds way of working things through.
Peace of mind to you.
hugs
liddy
especialy when we see the danger signs around us.
But those realy are the times to realy do all we can to focus
back on us. Our readings, praying, meetings and contact with
other's in recovery is so very important to our well being.
I've had those dreams too constant last week 3 nights in a row
I had nightmarea about my children's addictions, they will pass
they don't mean doom and gloom I believe they are just our
minds way of working things through.
Peace of mind to you.
hugs
liddy
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Constant, like you said, his backslide doesn't have to mean that you end up in a backslide too. Keep doing the things you were doing before and keep praying for peace. I have recently observed in my own life that the more I worry, the further away I am from my HP. As soon as I start praying again, keeping myself in the moment, and focusing on me, the worry starts to subside.
Hang in there,
JG
Hang in there,
JG
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Yeah Liddy I wasn't going to say that the dream was a sign of doom and gloom, but you knew that thought was there. I try to deny it, but there it sits!
I will stay focused and work harder on me....that is tough to do with so little time for myself!!! I actually think I am a taxi cab driver with all the back and forth I do with my three children!! It really is a good thing though because they keep my mind BUSY!
He is at another business meeting today......we'll see how it goes, regardless of what he choses today, I am going to have a plan for this evening with or with out him!!!
Have a great day and thank you to all the reponses.
I love this place and each of you!
Blessings, Constant
I will stay focused and work harder on me....that is tough to do with so little time for myself!!! I actually think I am a taxi cab driver with all the back and forth I do with my three children!! It really is a good thing though because they keep my mind BUSY!
He is at another business meeting today......we'll see how it goes, regardless of what he choses today, I am going to have a plan for this evening with or with out him!!!
Have a great day and thank you to all the reponses.
I love this place and each of you!
Blessings, Constant
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hi Constant 
these feelings are all to familiar for me also. I remember actually estimating when he would slip and "fu** up"... It was pretty sad cuz I usually had it down to the day
. And of course, the more I thought about him, about if and when he would go out drinking again, the worse shape I was in. I imagine for HIM, it was like I was hovering over him just waiting for him to fail, so I could say "I KNEW it! How could you?! What is WRONG with you?!" etc.
But when some of my recovery started to "set in", I was constantly reminded to keep my hands off. I really didn't want to tho - I mean, if I wasn't "watching out for him", HORRIBLE things could happen. I still began letting go, little by little... And you know what? It felt good; I stopped worrying about where he was, what he was doing, how much has he drank, who is he making a fool of etc... And Horrible things DID happen, for him. He ended up hitting bottom, and is working on 5 months sober at the moment. Of course this is NEVER a guarantee. But I sure learned some lessons. I still practice letting him have his disease; I am happier taking care of myself
Hope this helps.
Meg
these feelings are all to familiar for me also. I remember actually estimating when he would slip and "fu** up"... It was pretty sad cuz I usually had it down to the day
. And of course, the more I thought about him, about if and when he would go out drinking again, the worse shape I was in. I imagine for HIM, it was like I was hovering over him just waiting for him to fail, so I could say "I KNEW it! How could you?! What is WRONG with you?!" etc.But when some of my recovery started to "set in", I was constantly reminded to keep my hands off. I really didn't want to tho - I mean, if I wasn't "watching out for him", HORRIBLE things could happen. I still began letting go, little by little... And you know what? It felt good; I stopped worrying about where he was, what he was doing, how much has he drank, who is he making a fool of etc... And Horrible things DID happen, for him. He ended up hitting bottom, and is working on 5 months sober at the moment. Of course this is NEVER a guarantee. But I sure learned some lessons. I still practice letting him have his disease; I am happier taking care of myself
Hope this helps.
Meg
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Hey Meg
Good to hear from you....I have been sending our daily al-anon readings to a good friend of mine for quite some time now...well today when she found I how I was feeling she pulled some very related material and sent it to me. It was wonderful.....I know that tomorrow I will be on top of my game again.
I don't want to follow him or keep up with him....I have let go of that, but when he gets back and I see him or smell him, I feel like someone let the hot air out of my balloon. It is just a let down to feel so close and happy with our marriage to have the very thing that drove the wedge between us start to sneak its way back in.
Today I am thankful that he DID come home and at a "normal" time. He helped cook dinner and was pleasant.....I'll deal with tomorrow and what it brings when it gets here!!
Thanks
Constant
Good to hear from you....I have been sending our daily al-anon readings to a good friend of mine for quite some time now...well today when she found I how I was feeling she pulled some very related material and sent it to me. It was wonderful.....I know that tomorrow I will be on top of my game again.
I don't want to follow him or keep up with him....I have let go of that, but when he gets back and I see him or smell him, I feel like someone let the hot air out of my balloon. It is just a let down to feel so close and happy with our marriage to have the very thing that drove the wedge between us start to sneak its way back in.
Today I am thankful that he DID come home and at a "normal" time. He helped cook dinner and was pleasant.....I'll deal with tomorrow and what it brings when it gets here!!
Thanks
Constant
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hey Constant,
I know exactly what you mean...
Even though we know the right thing to do; the detachment, letting go, taking care of ourselves first... It is so hard to make like their behavior doesn't bother us. Of course it does. And sometimes it downright HURTS.
And yeah... It IS like a "sick" feeling in your tummy. On the one hand, you are watching a person you love completely destroy themselves; the behaviors are irresponsible and sickening and insane. And on the other hand, we are totally POWERLESS. We can't love them into recovery, we can't yell, nag, beg or cry them into getting sober. It seems like we are walking around in circles. Nothing changes, and we are losing our minds.
So, take a breath girl. You have some great resources and some great friends... lean on them a little and you'll see clearer. Take that smallest little bit of self-confidence and passion for your life and let it carry you to the next lesson. You will get there
Eventually if he is drinking or not, happy or sad, nasty or nice... it simply WON'T matter, cuz you will be OK. There IS a way to love him; it just takes some getting used to.
Hang in there girl
I'm thinkin of ya
Meg
I know exactly what you mean...
Even though we know the right thing to do; the detachment, letting go, taking care of ourselves first... It is so hard to make like their behavior doesn't bother us. Of course it does. And sometimes it downright HURTS.
And yeah... It IS like a "sick" feeling in your tummy. On the one hand, you are watching a person you love completely destroy themselves; the behaviors are irresponsible and sickening and insane. And on the other hand, we are totally POWERLESS. We can't love them into recovery, we can't yell, nag, beg or cry them into getting sober. It seems like we are walking around in circles. Nothing changes, and we are losing our minds.
So, take a breath girl. You have some great resources and some great friends... lean on them a little and you'll see clearer. Take that smallest little bit of self-confidence and passion for your life and let it carry you to the next lesson. You will get there
Eventually if he is drinking or not, happy or sad, nasty or nice... it simply WON'T matter, cuz you will be OK. There IS a way to love him; it just takes some getting used to.
Hang in there girl
I'm thinkin of ya
Meg
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Thanks Meg I am feeling better already! Sometimes just a good nights rest or some alone time helps......I stayed up after everyone went to bed....at 9:15....even husband went and checked out Mars with my sons telescope. For some reason it gave me a very peaceful feeling.
Blessings,
Constant
Sometimes just a good nights rest or some alone time helps......I stayed up after everyone went to bed....at 9:15....even husband went and checked out Mars with my sons telescope. For some reason it gave me a very peaceful feeling.Blessings,
Constant
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
(((((((Constant)))))))))
You are right sometimes all it takes is quiet time....Especially in the summers when the kids are home all day(YUK tv, stero,s, phone ringing off the hook, friends coming by, the noise level really gets to me, SOOOOO I go outside and feed my goldfish...You may not believe this but I have the fattist goldfish in the state....
Consider yourself HUGGED
You are right sometimes all it takes is quiet time....Especially in the summers when the kids are home all day(YUK tv, stero,s, phone ringing off the hook, friends coming by, the noise level really gets to me, SOOOOO I go outside and feed my goldfish...You may not believe this but I have the fattist goldfish in the state....
Consider yourself HUGGED
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