Believe808

Today is Day 1
I have to get my house ready to sell and I have 18+ yrs of memories in my attic alone!! I have put this off for so long, I just couldn't do it. Now I am at just about 9 mths into my recovery and I can't put it off any longer.
Someone from the program suggested that instead of being overwhelmed and not doing anything I do a 90/90 meaning put 1 or more hrs a day into getting rid of the past, just a little each day. I don't have to do it all at once, so I am working the tools of the program into another phase of my life.
I need to be accountable for this as well as my recovery so if I post each day I will have to do it!!! This is very hard for me since I am having such a hard time letting go of my past and all the good memories. They are sad memories now because my life has changed so much these past few years. All the stuff reminds me of my husband and the life we use to have, but that is over and done with. I need to make room for new ones. I don't regret the past but I do need to shut the door on some of it because the pain is too much.
So today I started, I took 5 big black garbage bags out to curb for trash tomorrow. There is so much more to do, but one day at a time. Maybe I will go back up there in a while, but I just needed a break.

least

Breaking it down into small bits of time is a sensible way to go about such monumental tasks. And going thru "stuff" is going to be painful sometimes, but still needs to be done. Take it slow and easy and you'll get thru it.

tommyk

Getting rid of the past, for me = 12 steps.

Gypsy Feet

A bit of fellowship with you must have crept up on me last night. I couldn't sleep so I started "thinning out" my things for my eventual move. I found the journals leading up to my wedding day, my meth poetry, and stacks of porn to give back to the guy who owns this place (who I used to share a room with and call my husband).

Weird stuff, I was surprised at how unemotional I was about it. It really must be time to move on. So we can do this together, one day at a time

Anna

Believe, doing a bit a time is a really good way to get through clearing out your house. I have moved a few times since I began recovery, and each time involved getting rid of a lot of things that were filled with memories. It's so difficult to do it, but believe it, it feels so good when it's done. I have much less 'stuff' in my life now, in every way. Having less things helps to keep life more simple for me.

CarolD

Wow.....
I've never lived in one space for 18 years.
Maybe have a couple of AA women come help?

That's what we do in my home group when
someone shares they need assistance....

Believe808

Thanks everyone, I am going to need all the support I can get to get pass this. All I can say is I am so grateful I am not using right now and that I have the tools of the program to help me.

Believe808

I did go back up and took out 3 more large black bags. Wait until the garbage men come tomorrow. There is so much up there it doesn't even look like I made a dent. But I know how much has already been purged. Tomorrow is a new day. I am proud of myself for starting it. I am blessed to be sober and able to take on this new venture. I am just thinking about how I have posted the amt of bags taken out. Can't wait until I am finished to see the exact count of garbage bags!!

Believe808

Today is Day Two, in a while I will be going back up to discard more stuff. I started thinking I could put it off today but I know in my heart that it has to be done and I can't put it off any longer, can't skip even one day. Be back later after I have done Day 2

Rusty Zipper

****{Bee}}}

dont toss the fly swatter!

or your Big Book! lol

you will be ok dear Bee

Believe808

Well I started Day 2, just carried 9 bags down from attic. Damn those bags are heavy. Now to the curb. It doesn't even look like I began to make a dent up there. Trying not to get depressed or discouraged. Keep telling myself it was a while until I saw a change in me when I got sober. Day 2 I was a mess. Lots of memories, but the good thing is today I was smiling at them. I found a box with balloons, crepe paper, and all kinds of birthday things, its from when my kids were small, on the night before their birthday, I use to go into their rooms when they were sleeping and totally decorate it. They would open their eyes in the morning to a room full of decorations, balloons and 1 special gift at the foot of their beds. I guess I should thank God for the memories today. Well, I will try to get back up there later. Peace out

Believe808

Never made it back up today. Tomorrow is another day.

Believe808

Day 3, I know I have to go back up there but I keep telling myself, I don't want to. There are so many bags of stuff already. I will do this, its so damn hard, I have to make a change in my life, and I don't do well with change. I know this is for the best, that it will be a new clean beginning but damn it, its friggin hard. I have to trust that all will be well. I am going to go up there today, I am. Be back later with progress report.

Believe808

Well I completed Day 3 of attic work. Today I had to force myself to go and do it but a committment is just that, a committment. I actually started seeing a difference up there today. I am starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. It is bittersweet, I guess that would be the word. Its sad but it is very cleansing. I feel like I am accomplishing something. There is much work to still be done, but I am proud of myself for getting this far. Today's take was 6 bags, and I find myself laughing because the garbage men aren't gonna be too happy with me on Thursday morning. I even started thinking that even if I am finished soon, I will still be using the 90/90 for the rest of the house. I must admit that doing it this way, one day at a time is so much easier than I thought it would be. Kind of like my recovery program, just one day at a time. Thank you God for today. Be back tomorrow.

Anna

Believe,

You are doing great!

You'll be so proud of yourself when you get the attic finished, and you should be proud of yourself for keeping at it.

Believe808

Thanks Anna, I am putting one foot in front of the other. Today is Day 4, I can't believe I have been doing this for 4 days already, YAY. I will be going up there a little later, I just hope the garbage men take all these bags away I don't know what I would do with them if they leave them tomorrow. I know I will finish the attic now before the 90 days so once finished I will then move on to one room at a time. I'm so glad I can use the tools of my recovery to do this. It doesn't seem so monumental anymore. I was at a meeting yesterday and one friend shared he had ordered some wood for his fireplace and didn't know what a cord was so he ordered (3) cords and when he got home they had dumped it in his driveway. He said he had a mountain of wood that had to be carried to his back yard. He did it one piece at a time. Yes we can do anything 1 at a time. Amazing, I never even thought to look at the big picture just as doing it 1 at a time. I'll be back later to check in with progress.

Wolfchild

i appreciate your committment to 'clean up' some of the accumulated stuff from over the years. It helped me to take decisive action in packing up some things from a relationship that seems to be ended. Thank you!

Have you considered asking people from the rooms (who are just idling away time & looking for something to do) to help you with this? It could provide an opportunity for fellowship that would benefit everyone's recovery and help them to feel part of your life on a different level.

Anna

Yes, Believe, it's true. It's great that you are finding that you whole life is affected by and improved by your recovery. I think that when we make one change, even one small change, in our lives, it has a ripple effect.

Believe808

Thanks Wolf, yesterday I shared about this at a meeting and people did extend their hand to help me. And what did I do, "oh thank you but I don't need any help just yet". I have a problem with accepting help, I have always done things on my own and I know where that got me! but I still have that defect. I have to work on that. My attic does not have a floor, it is beams and fiberglass so you have to step on the beams or you come through the ceilings. And I have done that myself many times. I will accept the help if its still there when I start packing up the house. But for now, I'm afraid that it will be messy if there is more than one up there.
I haven't gone up today yet, I had to mow the lawn, did part of it and had to stop because my back is hurting. I will definitely get up there today, no ifs, ands or buts.

Thanks Anna you don't know how much your encouragement means to me

firestorm090

Hi Believe,

It may help to place pieces of plywood across the beams to give you more solid surface to work from. Just lay them so you have a runway, so to speak and make sure you don't get your shoes caught on the edges. You're doing great, and I'd still ask for help with this project, then again when you move. That's one sure way of getting to know the people who help you much better while getting the job done. Hang in there.