what about decency and respect?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Dothan, AL
Posts: 6
what about decency and respect?
First of all, thanks to everyone who posted the other day after reading about my boyfriend and I. Last night, he showed me a tremendous amount of disrespect, so I know it is over.
He is a truck driver. We had been texting back and forth all day about various things. I thought it had been a good day. I knew that he was getting "home" Friday evening. Well, although I did tell him he didn't have to rush over to my house, I never expected what happened. He went off with his friends (who are not huge drinkers but drink and don't care if he does). He was not even going to tell me until he finally sent me a text message "I will talk to u tomorrow" Well, this stunned me because as late as five oclock yesterday he was discussing how a mutual friend was going to pick him up in his (my boyfriend's) truck, and then he would drop him off. I took that to mean he would drop him off and come over.
Well, he sent me that text and I tried to call him-then he turned his phone off. Well, it hurts very deeply to be treated like pure crap. I could not just sit at home, and maybe this was stupid, but I went to a few places I thought he might be. I wanted to confront him. I have seldom been to a bar in my life, so I know I looked like a fish out of water!!! I actually stayed at the bar about thirty minutes, until this guy started hitting on my and "insisted" I have a drink. I told him I would be happy to have a diet coke..haha...But, I have to say this....at least the guy was nice to me...He told me I was an attractive lady (yes, he was probably already drunk,,hahaha)....But you know, it felt nice for someone to be nice.....
Well, I know what I have to do. I think possibly my boyfriend thinks that if he is enough of a jerk I will break it off and he won't be the guilty party. I did call his mother last night and talk to her, as she and I are close.
The point of this long post......Although I do not believe he is an alcoholic, is this typical behavior of someone who really likes their liqour? Whatever happened to decenvy and respecting another's feelings?????
He is a truck driver. We had been texting back and forth all day about various things. I thought it had been a good day. I knew that he was getting "home" Friday evening. Well, although I did tell him he didn't have to rush over to my house, I never expected what happened. He went off with his friends (who are not huge drinkers but drink and don't care if he does). He was not even going to tell me until he finally sent me a text message "I will talk to u tomorrow" Well, this stunned me because as late as five oclock yesterday he was discussing how a mutual friend was going to pick him up in his (my boyfriend's) truck, and then he would drop him off. I took that to mean he would drop him off and come over.
Well, he sent me that text and I tried to call him-then he turned his phone off. Well, it hurts very deeply to be treated like pure crap. I could not just sit at home, and maybe this was stupid, but I went to a few places I thought he might be. I wanted to confront him. I have seldom been to a bar in my life, so I know I looked like a fish out of water!!! I actually stayed at the bar about thirty minutes, until this guy started hitting on my and "insisted" I have a drink. I told him I would be happy to have a diet coke..haha...But, I have to say this....at least the guy was nice to me...He told me I was an attractive lady (yes, he was probably already drunk,,hahaha)....But you know, it felt nice for someone to be nice.....
Well, I know what I have to do. I think possibly my boyfriend thinks that if he is enough of a jerk I will break it off and he won't be the guilty party. I did call his mother last night and talk to her, as she and I are close.
The point of this long post......Although I do not believe he is an alcoholic, is this typical behavior of someone who really likes their liqour? Whatever happened to decenvy and respecting another's feelings?????
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Dothan, AL
Posts: 6
Thank you - I do deserve better. We have some wonderful memories, but I believe he tried to be "good" and just could not or would not. Heartbreak is such a hard things, but God brings us through it!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
If he doesn't respect you now, he never will. He is showing you who he is. He chose to go out after being gone for days. He chose to blow you off when you text'd him. He chose to turn off his phone so you couldn't bug him. He is choosing to lie to you.
Red flags blowing in the wind here! Ask most of us what happens when we ignored red flags. We end up married to these people, children, and then having to make heart wrenching decisions about boundaries that we don't want to make.
Red flags blowing in the wind here! Ask most of us what happens when we ignored red flags. We end up married to these people, children, and then having to make heart wrenching decisions about boundaries that we don't want to make.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
dear concerned girl-
well, you have all the indicators there. he chose to go party. it's not nice, especially when we are missing them but the fact that he turned off his cell phone rather than just tell you he wanted to party isn't fair to you. it's avoidance behavior. next he'll call and pretend nothing happened i bet.
is this what you want in a partner?
naive
well, you have all the indicators there. he chose to go party. it's not nice, especially when we are missing them but the fact that he turned off his cell phone rather than just tell you he wanted to party isn't fair to you. it's avoidance behavior. next he'll call and pretend nothing happened i bet.
is this what you want in a partner?
naive
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 60
Wow - I don't know that it's specifically "addict" behavior but I can tell you that your post just brought back a flood of memories for me.
There were many times I too thought we had plans only to not hear from him and when I tried to call several times to find out what was going on the phone was turned off after about the 3rd time I called.
I too used the words "decency" and "respect" so many times when we would talk about his behavior. I just couldn't understand how someone could treat someone else like that. Actually, I still don't understand it.
What I finally came to realize was that the alcohol was more important to my XABF. He would lie, hide, pick a fight so he could storm off and generally create chaos in one form or another all so he could drink.
When I realized that I also realized that I needed to make some very difficult decisions because I didn't want to live my life that way.
There were many times I too thought we had plans only to not hear from him and when I tried to call several times to find out what was going on the phone was turned off after about the 3rd time I called.
I too used the words "decency" and "respect" so many times when we would talk about his behavior. I just couldn't understand how someone could treat someone else like that. Actually, I still don't understand it.
What I finally came to realize was that the alcohol was more important to my XABF. He would lie, hide, pick a fight so he could storm off and generally create chaos in one form or another all so he could drink.
When I realized that I also realized that I needed to make some very difficult decisions because I didn't want to live my life that way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Dothan, AL
Posts: 6
I am reading all of these and they are so helpful. a broken heart hurts so bad. I slept maybe two hours last night....but, I will heal again. please keep responding as it means so much right now...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
Addicts disappear all the time and then find something about you to criticize when they do finally show up, to distract you from their bad behavior.
Step out of the ring and you won't have to feel this way again.
Step out of the ring and you won't have to feel this way again.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi concerned girl !! glad you keep posting 
I start looking back to my days with an ex who is alcoholic. He acted in a similar fashion... I will spare the details but I cried for half a year straight !!
I am glad he is out of your life. If he comes back apologizing please do not let him in. They can be so charming and show so much remorse you actually give in, but you know who he is now, he won't be faking decency for too much time until this happens again.
After a long string of losers, I started soul searching... it is a bumpy road but I am raising my self esteem, starting to like me LOL and guess what? I realized there are GREAT men out there and that you can actually relax and enjoy a relationship.
I hope you realize how much you are worth and do not sell yourself short!
I start looking back to my days with an ex who is alcoholic. He acted in a similar fashion... I will spare the details but I cried for half a year straight !!
I am glad he is out of your life. If he comes back apologizing please do not let him in. They can be so charming and show so much remorse you actually give in, but you know who he is now, he won't be faking decency for too much time until this happens again.
After a long string of losers, I started soul searching... it is a bumpy road but I am raising my self esteem, starting to like me LOL and guess what? I realized there are GREAT men out there and that you can actually relax and enjoy a relationship.
I hope you realize how much you are worth and do not sell yourself short!
A Brand New Life
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 287
One thing is when we accept them back, for whatever reason we tell them in bolface letters "PLEASE DO WHATEVER YOU WANT I AM SO DESPERATE FOR A MAN I WILL TAKE WHATEVER CRAP YOU THROW AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS APOLOGIZE AND MAKE KISSY FACE APOLOGIES AND I WILL BE YOURS FOR THE TAKING" please please make a stand for yourself...respect yourself and YES there are guys out there who will be better and if you run into another loser you keep walking till you find one who DESERVES you. Are you beaustiful, charming, lovely and sweet...I bet you are...so why in the heck do you deserve a jerk...you don't hand him his walking papers and laugh as he complains. Show him you are too mature for this and find him silly...that will get his goat...If you act like it pains you and cry as you leave it does nothing but create a reason that forced you to leave, let the reason be that you don't take cr0p from anyone...you can do it...I hope that more of us realize every day that we are worth so much more than this drama...
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
I know you say you don't think he's an alcoholic, and really in the scheme of things I don't know that it matters. We can talk about what's "typical" for an addict/alcoholic, how "they" do things, why "they" do it.. when really, he's just being a jerk.. and addiciton issues aside, that's just not ok... unless it's ok with you.
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