violet25

Hi everyone. I"m new to this and never thought I would ever post anything on the internet. I'm 26 years old and my mother has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. She has always been a great mother until she drinks. It's been so hard dealing with her. It's like i'm the parent and i can't take it anymore. I don't know how to make her stop. I know everyone says that you can't make someone stop drinking until they want to, but I don't want to believe that. Today it really hurt because I haven't seen my brother cry (since he was a kid) and he was because of how she embarrassed him and me. I don't know, I just thought I'd write on here for support and help.
Thanks.

MichelleODAT

As a mother of 3 and a daughter of an Alcoholic I totally understand how you feel. But like you said -- there is nothing you can do to make them stop. They have to want it!!

I lived through He** growing up and put my kids through the same. May I suggest that you find an Alateen or Alanon meeting. My kids went to Alateen and my 14 year old now has 13 years in Alateen! It really helped them to understand the diease of Alcholism and how to deal with me.

The only thing I know that you can do for your mom is pray -- I will be doing the same for you and your family!!

grateful2b

Violet, Welcome...
I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry for what you and your brother have been going through
you will find plenty of support here and you may want to stop in at our Friends and Family Of Alcoholics forum...Alcoholism is a family disease and affects everyone... I would recommend that you seek face to face support in the form of Al-Anon meetings...there you can learn about this disease and how it is affecting your life. and there is Al-Ateen for your brother if he is younger..

martha27

Hi Violet, I am really sorry for you and your brother, I guess whenever a recovering alcoholic hears a story like this it reminds us why we never want to drink again and brings back some very bad and uncomfortable memories of our own. I feel guilty on behalf of your mum and I know she is in the grips of a terrible disease, it does not mean she does not love you, i am sure she loves you a lot.

There are some great threads in a subject further down in the forum for family members of alcoholics, they talk about boundries and ways of dealing with the behaviour emotionally and spiritually, I am sure you would benefit from their advice. I actually read it as my mum is an alcoholic and embarrassing did not do her justice...one of the only times I ever invited a few friends over to my house in high school she decided to get drunk, walk around the house with no top on and then have loud sex with her boyfriend....needless to say I survived highschool but I did not enjoy it...however humour is a great ally and that story has been dined out on many times since (at the time it was horrific).

Hang in there Violet, Peace

Tazman53

Alanon/Alateen, and the family & friends forum I would suggest for you & your brother.

As a recovered alcoholic I can tell you what stopped me from drinking.

My family stopped enabling me to drink, I was forced to face all of my problems alone!!!

If I wanted to keep a roof over my head, food in my belly, clean clothes on my back, have my bills paid, it was going to be ALL on me.

No one to help me get to bed when I passed out, no one to cover for me when I was to drunk to cover for myself, no one to do anything for me!

You want to help your mother stop?

You and your entire family need to STOP!!!

Stop doing ANYTHING for her, let her know you love her and will do anything for her that involves taking her to a detox or a rehab or taking her to an AA meeting and that is all you will do for her until she has quit drinking.

If you give her one single thing you are stopping her from hitting her bottom.

She has to want to stop, the best way to get her to stop is to do nothing, absolutely nothing for her except what I mentioned above.

violet25

HI, Thank you all for your messages. I'm going to try and find an Al-Anon place around me. I do hope that works.

Anna

Hi Violet,

I am so glad that you are reaching out for help and support. I am sorry that you and your brother are going through this and I know how much it must hurt.

Wolfchild

Welcome to SR and thank you for sharing about what you are going thru.

mikefreak

I went through the same situation. At least you are old enough where you are not there 24/7. My mother got MEAN when she was drunk. Hopefully yours doesn't. That would be SOMETHING, I guess. Good luck.

jamdls

Welcome to SR. My daughter was 26 when I finally got sober 2 yrs ago. There was nothing she could have done for me to make me quit, and what she did do was the best thing-she took care of herself and distanced herself from me. My daughter is also going to therapy to get past or deal with the damage I did, perhaps you and your brother could try that as well.