Not exactly a newcommer....
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Not exactly a newcommer....
I've been around here a long time, and been gone for a good while as well. Yet another day one. I'm starting to finally understand the concepts of 12-step recovery. Acceptence will be my next struggle. I've never liked going to meetings. I have always been a bit anti-social (even though I've been a sales person for years!! Go figure) even before I started drinking and using. I'm almost 30 days clean from what I have always considered my primary drug of choice, marajuana, but keep slipping up with that old demon alcohol. Truth is I'd probably have the same problem with pot if it were legal and you could buy it on every street corner. I'm beginning to understand the whole "dry drunk" concept. Made is a week before giving in.
I struggle with depression and even though I know alcohol is a depressant, it seems to help when I'm down. I take meds, though I'm still not convinced they are the right ones. I've just moved to a new area and have yet to get a new doctor. Part of the problem with diagonsis before is I was never really clean and sober long enough to really give the drugs a chance to work.
Here's to starting over. I'll try and stick around a while this time.
I struggle with depression and even though I know alcohol is a depressant, it seems to help when I'm down. I take meds, though I'm still not convinced they are the right ones. I've just moved to a new area and have yet to get a new doctor. Part of the problem with diagonsis before is I was never really clean and sober long enough to really give the drugs a chance to work.
Here's to starting over. I'll try and stick around a while this time.
Resident Awesome Guy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
Tyler,
I can't believe how alike we are from reading your post. I too am in sales and have battled depression (maybe it is the job). I was even told I had Bi-Polar disorder that contributed to the drinking. I was told that due to the depression and manic episodes, my body craved alcohol because it knew exactly what type of mood/place it would bring me to. I don't know if all that is true, but I do know that once I really decided (just over 2 weeks ago) that my life was spiraling downward and I wanted to get back to the man I once was, the depression start to go away as well as the desire to drink. And you and I both know being in sales that we are so much more on our game sober. Keep it up man and keep posting.
Chris
I can't believe how alike we are from reading your post. I too am in sales and have battled depression (maybe it is the job). I was even told I had Bi-Polar disorder that contributed to the drinking. I was told that due to the depression and manic episodes, my body craved alcohol because it knew exactly what type of mood/place it would bring me to. I don't know if all that is true, but I do know that once I really decided (just over 2 weeks ago) that my life was spiraling downward and I wanted to get back to the man I once was, the depression start to go away as well as the desire to drink. And you and I both know being in sales that we are so much more on our game sober. Keep it up man and keep posting.
Chris
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Thanks all. C23, It seems like I intentionally make career choices that work against me. I've always had bad mood swings, and sales is probably one of the worst jobs I could be in given that fact. Sales in general is like riding a roller coaster, but add in my emotional issues and it's even worse. I've been doing it so long I feel like it's the only thing I can do and make more than $10/hr.
I have a college degree in Mass Communications and worked for almost 10 years as a radio announcer before moving to sales. I've also just recently gotten a massage therapy certificate. Doing massage brings me inner peace like nothing else I've done before, but I have to pass the National Exam. I failed it the first time and have a very hard time studying and retaining tedious information, like muscle names, bones, OIA's, etc. Couldn't be the pounds and pounds of weed and gallons of alchohol I've drank??!! Guess that stuff really kills brain cells after all. I haven't given up, I get 2 more shots to pass it.
As for meetings. I think I'm going to start with one and see how that goes. 90 in 90 is just too big to take on. I've been to 100's of meetings over the years, but have never really "worked the program". Gotta just try to keep an open mind. Thanks for the advice anyway. Take care all.
I have a college degree in Mass Communications and worked for almost 10 years as a radio announcer before moving to sales. I've also just recently gotten a massage therapy certificate. Doing massage brings me inner peace like nothing else I've done before, but I have to pass the National Exam. I failed it the first time and have a very hard time studying and retaining tedious information, like muscle names, bones, OIA's, etc. Couldn't be the pounds and pounds of weed and gallons of alchohol I've drank??!! Guess that stuff really kills brain cells after all. I haven't given up, I get 2 more shots to pass it.
As for meetings. I think I'm going to start with one and see how that goes. 90 in 90 is just too big to take on. I've been to 100's of meetings over the years, but have never really "worked the program". Gotta just try to keep an open mind. Thanks for the advice anyway. Take care all.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Tyler if you want it and are like me (Sounds like it)then maybe you could do what I and hundreds of thousands of happily sober alcoholics did to get what we have.
I was at the point where I had no choice but to go through medical detox, the day I got out of detox it was everything in my power to go home with out grabbing a 12 pack to get there and then go to an AA meeting that same evening.
I was beat, my butt was fried on both sides crisp, I knew I was going to die if I started drinking again, but except for when I was in a meeting or talking on the phone to another guy in AA all I could do was think about drinking!
I had the gift of desperation! I was desperate to stay sober, as a result when the folks in detox told me to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.... I DID!
Did the meetings help me stay sober? Yes they did, they were a place I could go where I felt safe, where I gained hope by seeing and hearing others who were not only staying sober, but they had lifes, real lifes outside of meetings! This is what I wanted, I wanted life outside of the rooms!
Going to a lot of meetings allowed others in the rooms to know me and I to know them, the longer I stayed sober and the more meetings I attended the more people opened up to me.
At first I thought that the reason some people did not seem to come and talk with me was because they did not like me. I know now that the reason was because they did not want to get hurt...... You see a lot of people show up for a few meetings and then decide they do not want what AA has to offer them so they do not come back.
Once other people started to see me at a lot of meetings over time, they felt safer befriending me because they saw I was serious about wanting to stay sober.
Now what has made life absolutely awesome for me outside of the rooms and in the rooms? The steps, taking the steps with my sponsor gave me a solution that worked for my life both inside and outside of the rooms!
Tyler when you go to a meeting look around, you will see some men that have a twinkle in thier eye, that have a look about them that says they are comfortable in thier own skin, that they are happy with thier lifes, they laugh and they talk openly and freely with confidence. Do you want what they have? If you do go up and introduce yourself, ask them what they did to get and to stay sober. Ask them what they did to enjoy life inside and out side of the rooms.
If you really want what they have then do what they did and are still doing.
Think about it, if you wanted to become a doctor would you hang out around doctors or would you do what doctors do to become doctors, og to med school and then do thier internships?
Legally you can never become a doctor by just hanging around doctors.
Recovery I have found does not rub off of other recovered alcoholics, recovery takes work, working on yourself and changing, in AA that change comes about by taking and applying the steps, that is what those guys with a twinkle in thier eye, a look of comfort with them selfs and a life have done.
I was at the point where I had no choice but to go through medical detox, the day I got out of detox it was everything in my power to go home with out grabbing a 12 pack to get there and then go to an AA meeting that same evening.
I was beat, my butt was fried on both sides crisp, I knew I was going to die if I started drinking again, but except for when I was in a meeting or talking on the phone to another guy in AA all I could do was think about drinking!
I had the gift of desperation! I was desperate to stay sober, as a result when the folks in detox told me to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.... I DID!
Did the meetings help me stay sober? Yes they did, they were a place I could go where I felt safe, where I gained hope by seeing and hearing others who were not only staying sober, but they had lifes, real lifes outside of meetings! This is what I wanted, I wanted life outside of the rooms!
Going to a lot of meetings allowed others in the rooms to know me and I to know them, the longer I stayed sober and the more meetings I attended the more people opened up to me.
At first I thought that the reason some people did not seem to come and talk with me was because they did not like me. I know now that the reason was because they did not want to get hurt...... You see a lot of people show up for a few meetings and then decide they do not want what AA has to offer them so they do not come back.
Once other people started to see me at a lot of meetings over time, they felt safer befriending me because they saw I was serious about wanting to stay sober.
Now what has made life absolutely awesome for me outside of the rooms and in the rooms? The steps, taking the steps with my sponsor gave me a solution that worked for my life both inside and outside of the rooms!
Tyler when you go to a meeting look around, you will see some men that have a twinkle in thier eye, that have a look about them that says they are comfortable in thier own skin, that they are happy with thier lifes, they laugh and they talk openly and freely with confidence. Do you want what they have? If you do go up and introduce yourself, ask them what they did to get and to stay sober. Ask them what they did to enjoy life inside and out side of the rooms.
If you really want what they have then do what they did and are still doing.
Think about it, if you wanted to become a doctor would you hang out around doctors or would you do what doctors do to become doctors, og to med school and then do thier internships?
Legally you can never become a doctor by just hanging around doctors.
Recovery I have found does not rub off of other recovered alcoholics, recovery takes work, working on yourself and changing, in AA that change comes about by taking and applying the steps, that is what those guys with a twinkle in thier eye, a look of comfort with them selfs and a life have done.
Beating this demon for GOOD
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 143
Welcome back!!!
I'm a newbie here myself. But you know what's paradoxal about us alcoholics? When we drink, we can become the most selfish people in the world. But when we are living sober, you couldn't ask for more loyal or caring people. Just something that I have noticed over the years. I've never been to a meeting where the folks there were not falling over themselves to smile, say hello, introduce themselves, talk to me, and be supportive. It's never failed, and it's always amazed me. 
Anyhow, welcome back!!! Keep on keeping on!!!! I'm only on Day #2, but I'm soooo determined this time, I will do whatever it takes to live sober!! I have too much to lose and I know it!!
:praying for you and for all of us!!!!
Anyhow, welcome back!!! Keep on keeping on!!!! I'm only on Day #2, but I'm soooo determined this time, I will do whatever it takes to live sober!! I have too much to lose and I know it!!
:praying for you and for all of us!!!!
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Originally Posted by CarolD 
Welcome back to SR.....
Did you use SMART to quit the Mj?
I remember you did favor that method of recovery.
Good to see you here again tyler...
Did you use SMART to quit the Mj?
I remember you did favor that method of recovery.
Good to see you here again tyler...
That brings us the the alcohol...though I did move to the South, I'm not in a dry county!!! Yup they really do still exist around here!! I've always been a binge drinker, only at night when my "demons" start eating at me. Today is day 2 without the booze, not a huge accomplishment, as I can go several weeks at a time without drinking, but seem unable, or at least unwilling to put it down entirely.
Coming back here is a first step for me. I will probably check out some local meetings. Unfortunatly nothing secular around here, but I think I've made some progress in moving past my differences with the 12-step programs. I'm starting to be able to wrap my arms around the concept of spirituality and can see where working the steps can be helpful in "moving on" with life and healing.
So that's where I'm at. Good to see ya Carol.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Tyler just keep an open mind, no one is going to convert you or even try to. Okay maybe that was an exageration there!!! LOL There are a few in the rooms that feel if you do not beleive the way they do you will go to hell, but they are very few and very far between, I do know several really religous folks in my area, but they have never tried to force feed me any of it.
Spirituality I have found does not require any type of religion. (Thanks goodness)
Spirituality I have found does not require any type of religion. (Thanks goodness)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by tyler
I'm starting to be able to wrap my arms around the concept of spirituality and can see where working the steps can be helpful in "moving on" with life and healing.
If it helps at all, I came into the rooms of AA as a pretty devout atheist. About the only spirituality I could muster was that all these recovered people seemed to have a power in their life, and if I wanted to recover, I had to be open minded about the whole thing. I had to put my distaste and distrust of any higher powers concepts aside for a while and really take the steps with honesty.
I took the steps like those recovered people showed me, and I recovered. Simple as that. The alcohol problem is gone and I have a life more satisfying and useful than I could have hoped for.
Taz brought up a great point. I think I was helped by getting into a strong home group and making a committment. I showed up to see the same faces at the same times whether I felt like it, wanted to, or needed it. I gained acceptance with that familiarity, and I still operate that way today. I show up because I'm part of that and I'm responsible, not because I need something.
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