Just joined & looking for feedback
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 1
Just joined & looking for feedback
Hi-
My husbband & I fight everyday about his drinking. He likes to point out to me that he does not get wasted or violent, he drinks to calm himself or numb he likes to say. He has been hiding vodka & beer in his car, around the house so he can have it before or after work. He says he hides it from me because I give him grief about drinking,& he would to it in front of me but he does not want to deal with the attitude I give him. I do mostly because of when he is doing it, like when he gets up in the morning, or like i said in the car b4 work or on the way home.
See I never really knew how much he drank during the day because i was working, but 10 days after we got married I had a stroke & I am home all day now. Then he lost his job & has was having a hard time finding another. He puts a lot of pressure on himself because of this.
I drink myself, & yes sometimes a little to much, but not everyday or weekend. I guess I am wondering if I am over the top on this one & making to much out of it.
He stood by me through my stroke & I want to be there for him as well, but this has really consumed me & I am not sure what to do.
My husbband & I fight everyday about his drinking. He likes to point out to me that he does not get wasted or violent, he drinks to calm himself or numb he likes to say. He has been hiding vodka & beer in his car, around the house so he can have it before or after work. He says he hides it from me because I give him grief about drinking,& he would to it in front of me but he does not want to deal with the attitude I give him. I do mostly because of when he is doing it, like when he gets up in the morning, or like i said in the car b4 work or on the way home.
See I never really knew how much he drank during the day because i was working, but 10 days after we got married I had a stroke & I am home all day now. Then he lost his job & has was having a hard time finding another. He puts a lot of pressure on himself because of this.
I drink myself, & yes sometimes a little to much, but not everyday or weekend. I guess I am wondering if I am over the top on this one & making to much out of it.
He stood by me through my stroke & I want to be there for him as well, but this has really consumed me & I am not sure what to do.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hello Vegas2007, and welcome to SR! I'm sorry to hear about your stroke and hope that you are faring well and recovering from it.
There's alot of good information about alcoholism, codependency and various other topics for you to read up in the Sticky Thread sections while you wait for some replies to your thread. You don't ever have to face this alone.
It's nice to meet you.
There's alot of good information about alcoholism, codependency and various other topics for you to read up in the Sticky Thread sections while you wait for some replies to your thread. You don't ever have to face this alone.
It's nice to meet you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
vegas-
there really is no point in fighting about his drinking. his life is his own. you can't control it. best to hang up those gloves and get on with your own healing.
is there an alanon meeting you can attend locally?
naive
there really is no point in fighting about his drinking. his life is his own. you can't control it. best to hang up those gloves and get on with your own healing.
is there an alanon meeting you can attend locally?
naive
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
Welcome, Vegas. You are in a good place here.
It does sound as if he is in full-blown alcoholism. As a result he'll be resenting just about everyone and everything in his life, but most especially you. It's the one closest to the alcoholic who gets the most blame from him.
He will drink whether you are nice or whether you are mean. He will drink if he has a job or whether he loses a job. He will drink because he has lost control of his drinking and he no longer chooses now to drink......addiction is making his choice for him. He cannot control his drinking.
Do read all those stickies up there.
And post anytime, we are here. Again, welcome.
It does sound as if he is in full-blown alcoholism. As a result he'll be resenting just about everyone and everything in his life, but most especially you. It's the one closest to the alcoholic who gets the most blame from him.
He will drink whether you are nice or whether you are mean. He will drink if he has a job or whether he loses a job. He will drink because he has lost control of his drinking and he no longer chooses now to drink......addiction is making his choice for him. He cannot control his drinking.
Do read all those stickies up there.
And post anytime, we are here. Again, welcome.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Sometimes I got the same from ex AH - that he was not "that bad".
Him not getting violent or wasted is not an excuse to lower YOUR standards of what you expect from a partner.
Besides, as we already know this disease is chronic and progressive. He is not getting violent or wasted NOW...
My therapist said the amount of drinking is not important, what is important is how you treat your partner and how you are treated.
Please take care.
Him not getting violent or wasted is not an excuse to lower YOUR standards of what you expect from a partner.
Besides, as we already know this disease is chronic and progressive. He is not getting violent or wasted NOW...
My therapist said the amount of drinking is not important, what is important is how you treat your partner and how you are treated.
Please take care.
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