Language of Letting Go - June 7 - Into Orbit (My Favourite Ever!!)
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - June 7 - Into Orbit (My Favourite Ever!!)
This is my very very favourite Melody Beattie reading ever!!! I remember when I first read it years ago, that lightbulb that says WOW went on so bright I was blinded. I hope you love this as much as I do.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Into Orbit
It doesn't matter if they're hurting themselves. It doesn't matter that we could help them if they'd only listen to, and cooperate with, us. IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER.
—Codependent No More
I think I can change him. Nobody's ever really loved him and appreciated him before. I'll be the one to do that, and then he'll change. . . . She's never been with anybody trustworthy before. I'll prove how trustworthy I am, and then she'll be able to love. . . . Nobody's been able to get to her, to conquer her, before. I'll be the one to do that. . . . Nobody's ever really given him a chance. . . . Nobody's ever really believed in him before. . . .
These are warning signs. Red lights. Red flags. In fact, if we're thinking these thoughts, they need to be stop signs.
If we have gotten hooked into believing that somehow we will be the one who will make the difference in someone's life, if we are trying to prove how good we can be for someone, we may be in trouble.
This is a game. A deception. It won't work. It'll make us crazy. We can trust that. We're not seeing things clearly. Something's going on with us. It will be self-defeating.
We may be "the one" all right - the one to wind up victimized.
The whole thought pattern reeks of codependency, of not being responsible for oneself, and of victimization. Each person needs to do his or her own work.
Nobody in the past has really understood him. . . . Nobody has seen what I see in her. . . . It's a set up. It sets us up to stop paying attention to ourselves while we focus too much on the other person. It takes us away from our path and often puts us in orbit.
Nobody has appreciated him enough. . . . Nobody has been good enough to her, or done for her what I can do. . . . It's a rescue. It's a game move, a game we don't have to play. We don't have to prove we're the one. If we're out to show people we're the best thing that ever happened to them, it may be time to see if they're the best thing that ever happened to us.
We have not been appointed as guardian angel, godmother, godfather, or "the one who will."
The help, support, and encouragement that truly benefits others and ourselves emerges naturally. Let it.
God, help me let go of my need to meet dysfunctional challenges in my relationships.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Into Orbit
It doesn't matter if they're hurting themselves. It doesn't matter that we could help them if they'd only listen to, and cooperate with, us. IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER.
—Codependent No More
I think I can change him. Nobody's ever really loved him and appreciated him before. I'll be the one to do that, and then he'll change. . . . She's never been with anybody trustworthy before. I'll prove how trustworthy I am, and then she'll be able to love. . . . Nobody's been able to get to her, to conquer her, before. I'll be the one to do that. . . . Nobody's ever really given him a chance. . . . Nobody's ever really believed in him before. . . .
These are warning signs. Red lights. Red flags. In fact, if we're thinking these thoughts, they need to be stop signs.
If we have gotten hooked into believing that somehow we will be the one who will make the difference in someone's life, if we are trying to prove how good we can be for someone, we may be in trouble.
This is a game. A deception. It won't work. It'll make us crazy. We can trust that. We're not seeing things clearly. Something's going on with us. It will be self-defeating.
We may be "the one" all right - the one to wind up victimized.
The whole thought pattern reeks of codependency, of not being responsible for oneself, and of victimization. Each person needs to do his or her own work.
Nobody in the past has really understood him. . . . Nobody has seen what I see in her. . . . It's a set up. It sets us up to stop paying attention to ourselves while we focus too much on the other person. It takes us away from our path and often puts us in orbit.
Nobody has appreciated him enough. . . . Nobody has been good enough to her, or done for her what I can do. . . . It's a rescue. It's a game move, a game we don't have to play. We don't have to prove we're the one. If we're out to show people we're the best thing that ever happened to them, it may be time to see if they're the best thing that ever happened to us.
We have not been appointed as guardian angel, godmother, godfather, or "the one who will."
The help, support, and encouragement that truly benefits others and ourselves emerges naturally. Let it.
God, help me let go of my need to meet dysfunctional challenges in my relationships.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Nobody has appreciated him enough. . . . Nobody has been good enough to her, or done for her what I can do. . . . It's a rescue. It's a game move, a game we don't have to play. We don't have to prove we're the one. If we're out to show people we're the best thing that ever happened to them, it may be time to see if they're the best thing that ever happened to us.
Giving my son to God's care, letting go and letting God take control without my interference, was the best thing I ever did for either one of us.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Ann - I was looking for my Letting Go book this morning and couldn't find it....there goes HP taking care of me again. I was on the way out the door and clicked on the local paper "favorite" tab that I have and up popped SR instead.....knew that there was probably a message I needed to hear and there you were. Thanks.
The line that really stood out to me was " If we're out to show people we're the best thing that ever happened to them, it may be time to see if they're the best thing that ever happened to us. In 52 years I have never ever thought of that way.....if "they" are the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's a totally different spin on the subject. I have read Letting Go for years and every day I read it like it's fresh knowledge that I haven't seen before! I don't know how she does it.....rewrite and change the words around and she never has been over!
Thanks
The line that really stood out to me was " If we're out to show people we're the best thing that ever happened to them, it may be time to see if they're the best thing that ever happened to us. In 52 years I have never ever thought of that way.....if "they" are the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's a totally different spin on the subject. I have read Letting Go for years and every day I read it like it's fresh knowledge that I haven't seen before! I don't know how she does it.....rewrite and change the words around and she never has been over!
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
Wow, that is really powerful. I'm afraid that I clearly see my thought patterns in here. I think I have spent my life trying to prove to myself and others how much they need me. I have learned that being needed is not the same as being loved. I have some real abandonment issues which make sense if you look at my life - I think it is too easy for me to think that if someone doesn't stay there for me, at least maybe they'll stay because they need me. It reminds me that I need to work on myself, and be the best I can be for me. Sometimes it is so hard for me to take care of myself. However, I do always seem to know what other people need to do for themselves!!!!! Oh well, baby steps.
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
Thanks Ann,
I didn't read this yesterday, but am very glad I read it today.
Overnight my determination to step out of my sons way falters and I start playing the "nobody will help him, what will he do with out me, he'll be all alone . . ." tapes in my head. This is a good reminder to me that I am not helping him up, I am only helping him to stay down.
Joan
I didn't read this yesterday, but am very glad I read it today.
Overnight my determination to step out of my sons way falters and I start playing the "nobody will help him, what will he do with out me, he'll be all alone . . ." tapes in my head. This is a good reminder to me that I am not helping him up, I am only helping him to stay down.
Joan
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