He an active alcoholic - yet I am the nut
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Join Date: May 2009
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He an active alcoholic - yet I am the nut
I was with an active A for 8 years. Now he left me pretty much without any word. Wouldnt answer my calls. He never returned cash he owed, or the items I had left at his place. Fast forward 11 months and I find out he is with a friend of mine and sometime after that I found out he was with her about 1.5 years behind my back as well.
Well now it is a year and a half that we have not been together. I am alone, not willing to get involved in another relationship until I am entirely over this emotionally. They, on the other hand, are still going strong, and seemingly happy. And here I sat on a Saturday evening and well, just thinking this is not right, and still waiting on God to get even with them...haha.
Well now it is a year and a half that we have not been together. I am alone, not willing to get involved in another relationship until I am entirely over this emotionally. They, on the other hand, are still going strong, and seemingly happy. And here I sat on a Saturday evening and well, just thinking this is not right, and still waiting on God to get even with them...haha.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,900
I'm sorry you had to go through that mess. But...it's past-tense. You don't have to sit around on a Saturday night. Why not treat yourself to something fun that you like to do...go see a movie you've been wanting to see, or go to the bookstore and browse. There are things you can do that don't require a date. Sitting around and waiting for "God to get even with them" is a complete and total waste of time. Get even with them yourself by living your life to the fullest and being happy.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Have you ever heard that expression "Living Well is the Best Revenge" 
It's so true.
I'm sorry you went through this, greatescape. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. But I've found that sometimes I just have to write 'em off as a terrible human being that I'm lucky not to be saddled with anymore. "Good riddance" is a phrase that comes to mind.
Hang in there
It's so true.
I'm sorry you went through this, greatescape. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. But I've found that sometimes I just have to write 'em off as a terrible human being that I'm lucky not to be saddled with anymore. "Good riddance" is a phrase that comes to mind.
Hang in there
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
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You said the other woman was a friend of your's. I'm only making assumptions here, so please correct me if I'm wrong, but have you cut off all contact with this friend? Did she like to go out bar-hopping and partying?
It is entirely possible that their "wonderful" time together is full of alcoholic drama, fights, make-ups, and all sorts of stuff that goes on behind closed doors.
It takes time to get over someone cheating on you. Perhaps you should start going out with friends and finding activities that don't keep you home on Saturday night. When I left my exAH, I was delighted to have Saturday nights alone without a bunch of drunk people partying in my house.
As time went on, I went out on some casual dates and spent time doing things I enjoyed with friends.
As far as God getting even with them, well .... that may not happen when you're around to see it. Nevertheless, you still have a life to lead. An involved relationship might not be in the cards for you now, but getting together with friends could help.
And, no, life often is NOT fair. It's turned around and slapped me in the face a few times. It stinks, but we have to start picking up the pieces, one piece at a time.
It is entirely possible that their "wonderful" time together is full of alcoholic drama, fights, make-ups, and all sorts of stuff that goes on behind closed doors.
It takes time to get over someone cheating on you. Perhaps you should start going out with friends and finding activities that don't keep you home on Saturday night. When I left my exAH, I was delighted to have Saturday nights alone without a bunch of drunk people partying in my house.
As time went on, I went out on some casual dates and spent time doing things I enjoyed with friends.
As far as God getting even with them, well .... that may not happen when you're around to see it. Nevertheless, you still have a life to lead. An involved relationship might not be in the cards for you now, but getting together with friends could help.
And, no, life often is NOT fair. It's turned around and slapped me in the face a few times. It stinks, but we have to start picking up the pieces, one piece at a time.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
"I was with an active A for 8 years."
One of the facts of living life on this earth is that our choices really do have consequences, and one day, the cosmic paycheck comes due.
Addicts, without fail, hurt the people who love them. Addicts, without fail, lie to people who love them. And whether physically or emotionally or both, addicts, without fail, abandon the people who love them.
And the people who love them and who avoid making changes based on the realities of active addiction, will, without fail, suffer for it.
Welcome to our forum. We have all suffered because of addicts in our lives. But every single one of us made choices we have to own.
You are responsible for 8 years of making choices that brought you to these Saturday nights alone.
And now you are responsible for deciding what you will do with your solitude.
I truly hope you make the very best of a fresh start. Glad to have you with us.
Bluejay
One of the facts of living life on this earth is that our choices really do have consequences, and one day, the cosmic paycheck comes due.
Addicts, without fail, hurt the people who love them. Addicts, without fail, lie to people who love them. And whether physically or emotionally or both, addicts, without fail, abandon the people who love them.
And the people who love them and who avoid making changes based on the realities of active addiction, will, without fail, suffer for it.
Welcome to our forum. We have all suffered because of addicts in our lives. But every single one of us made choices we have to own.
You are responsible for 8 years of making choices that brought you to these Saturday nights alone.
And now you are responsible for deciding what you will do with your solitude.
I truly hope you make the very best of a fresh start. Glad to have you with us.
Bluejay
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Originally Posted by bluejay6 
"I was with an active A for 8 years."
One of the facts of living life on this earth is that our choices really do have consequences, and one day, the cosmic paycheck comes due.
Addicts, without fail, hurt the people who love them. Addicts, without fail, lie to people who love them. And whether physically or emotionally or both, addicts, without fail, abandon the people who love them.
And the people who love them and who avoid making changes based on the realities of active addiction, will, without fail, suffer for it.
Welcome to our forum. We have all suffered because of addicts in our lives. But every single one of us made choices we have to own.
You are responsible for 8 years of making choices that brought you to these Saturday nights alone.
And now you are responsible for deciding what you will do with your solitude.
I truly hope you make the very best of a fresh start. Glad to have you with us.
Bluejay
One of the facts of living life on this earth is that our choices really do have consequences, and one day, the cosmic paycheck comes due.
Addicts, without fail, hurt the people who love them. Addicts, without fail, lie to people who love them. And whether physically or emotionally or both, addicts, without fail, abandon the people who love them.
And the people who love them and who avoid making changes based on the realities of active addiction, will, without fail, suffer for it.
Welcome to our forum. We have all suffered because of addicts in our lives. But every single one of us made choices we have to own.
You are responsible for 8 years of making choices that brought you to these Saturday nights alone.
And now you are responsible for deciding what you will do with your solitude.
I truly hope you make the very best of a fresh start. Glad to have you with us.
Bluejay
Very nicely worded,
Thank you
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Originally Posted by thegreatescape
I was with an active A for 8 years. Now he left me pretty much without any word. Wouldnt answer my calls. He never returned cash he owed, or the items I had left at his place. Fast forward 11 months and I find out he is with a friend of mine and sometime after that I found out he was with her about 1.5 years behind my back as well.
Well now it is a year and a half that we have not been together. I am alone, not willing to get involved in another relationship until I am entirely over this emotionally. They, on the other hand, are still going strong, and seemingly happy. And here I sat on a Saturday evening and well, just thinking this is not right, and still waiting on God to get even with them...haha.
Well now it is a year and a half that we have not been together. I am alone, not willing to get involved in another relationship until I am entirely over this emotionally. They, on the other hand, are still going strong, and seemingly happy. And here I sat on a Saturday evening and well, just thinking this is not right, and still waiting on God to get even with them...haha.
Best revenge is living well.
Not sure, I'd say that, was a friend of yours if, they're going out with your ex!!
FYI
The greatest asset an alcoholic possesses is the ability to charm most people when, they first meet them. We've mastered the fine art of manipulation. Sorry you had to learn the hard way
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 12
Thanks everyone for all the helpful insights. I know it sounds like sulking, that's because it is. I also know it is a result of poor choices on my part. My therapist said that if I had left long ago, when I knew this was not really working the way I wanted, he would not have had the chance to hurt me this way.
The issues here are more than him just leaving as abruptly and coldly as he did. But then to find out someone who pretended to be a friend to me is with him. She has written me to say that he got tired of not being respected or appreciated, when he did everything for me and I did nothing for him. Well, what I did for him was make him look good to others, could I actually tell them the truth? Well, I supposed this will wear thin eventually and she may see him for what he is. I am pissed that he continues to get away with this and also that it actually has lasted this long with her. I might add that she is not the most desirable woman as she has not even had a date in years...and not for lack of trying. I guess that also means my pride is hurt.
The issues here are more than him just leaving as abruptly and coldly as he did. But then to find out someone who pretended to be a friend to me is with him. She has written me to say that he got tired of not being respected or appreciated, when he did everything for me and I did nothing for him. Well, what I did for him was make him look good to others, could I actually tell them the truth? Well, I supposed this will wear thin eventually and she may see him for what he is. I am pissed that he continues to get away with this and also that it actually has lasted this long with her. I might add that she is not the most desirable woman as she has not even had a date in years...and not for lack of trying. I guess that also means my pride is hurt.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Originally Posted by thegreatescape
I know it sounds like sulking, that's because it is. I also know it is a result of poor choices on my part.
Originally Posted by thegreatescape
She has written me to say that he got tired of not being respected or appreciated, when he did everything for me and I did nothing for him.
Originally Posted by thegreatescape
I am pissed that he continues to get away with this and also that it actually has lasted this long with her. I might add that she is not the most desirable woman as she has not even had a date in years...and not for lack of trying. I guess that also means my pride is hurt.
Time to let go of the pride stance and feel the hurt. It sucks, I assure you. But once you get beyond that, you can actually let them go. You won't be subjegating yourself to self-imposed prison on Saturday nights thinking they have some grand, perfect, wonderful life. I assure you, they do not.
Bitterness will eat you up. It won't hurt them in the least; they have gotten on with their lives and forgotten you.
I think it's time for you to get into a therapist's office and discuss this burden of hurt you are carrying around. It's like carrying around a stinking sack of garbage.
I think it's time to stop punishing yourself because you weren't "enough" for this particular man. My exAH and I split up, and within four months he had another woman living with him. She was no beauty queen, but she made him happy ... more than likely because he has a new victim on the hook and newness was a real charge for him.
I thought it would really bug me. But after leaving their house, I felt a sense of relief. She had to put up with his crap. I no longer had to. And, yes, they seemed to be a happy couple.
That was seven years ago. She is now long gone. He's moved on to a new "thrill." Whatever .....
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
thegreatescape-
i do understand, as my xABF did the same to me with my friend. it's enough to drive me crazy. i can't seem to get it out of my head, i live with it every day.
however, i know it's wrong to treat people like he treated me. it is not what i am looking for in a partner!
it is, however, what active alcoholics do. we have seen it here over and over again.
all the advice given to you here is sound. cry, feel the hurt, journal it out, begin new projects...it will take time. be kind and gentle with yourself, you've been through the wringer...
and as for the bitterness and jealousy, all i can say is what i say to myself:
SPIT THE POISON OUT
naive
i do understand, as my xABF did the same to me with my friend. it's enough to drive me crazy. i can't seem to get it out of my head, i live with it every day.
however, i know it's wrong to treat people like he treated me. it is not what i am looking for in a partner!
it is, however, what active alcoholics do. we have seen it here over and over again.
all the advice given to you here is sound. cry, feel the hurt, journal it out, begin new projects...it will take time. be kind and gentle with yourself, you've been through the wringer...
and as for the bitterness and jealousy, all i can say is what i say to myself:
SPIT THE POISON OUT
naive
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