I just don't know...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 5
I just don't know...
I have been drinking since I was 14. For the majority of that time I was able to keep it to weekends. When I was a kid it got to be a problem to the point where I was drinking every day; I actually got caught drunk in high school once and was suspended for 10 days. It got to affect my life at 18 or so and I was in rehab 2 to 3 times, as well as mental illness facilities.
I have always been able to function and lead a successful life. I have a successful career and am working on my Master’s degree. I also have seen my share of problems. I have been arrested several times over the years and never really put 2 and 2 together. 99% of the time I was in trouble I was either drinking or at a bar where somebody else was acting stupid after drinking too much.
I also have mental illness issues that I am currently on meds for. I have severe anxiety and depression. I am also very shy. I feel like I can’t have a good time without booze. It relaxes me and brings me out. Unfortunately I don’t know my limits and will drink as long as the booze is there. Mixed with the meds, it is not rare that I black out and actually miss the whole next day. This is a problem as well because I have 2 great kids and have missed some of their sporting events, which I usually never do. I also have a lot of guilt for the way my kids have seen me on some occasions.
I work at a bar part-time and everybody there teases me and calls me 2-can Sam because I get drunk so quickly. They don’t know that I take meds as well that get me drunk quicker. I may have lost that job recently though because the bar closed down and I was not working that night. I kept on going behind the bar anyway and helping myself. It was a good part-time job that I blew.
Yesterday I lost a friend that I really liked. Evidently we were at the bar the other weekend and she said that I was saying stuff about her. I honestly don’t even remember it and was surprised when she cursed me out when she saw me yesterday. In shock really. When she cursed me out I came right back at her with a verbal onslaught because of my stupid temper; there is definitely no hope for reconciliation.
What do I do when my whole life all I ever did for fun was get drunk? What do I do when my whole life I have been very shy and only felt comfortable when drinking??? Nothing else interests me on the weekends. I am always very tired from the meds and rarely feel like doing much else. My girlfriend always complains that all I ever want to do is sleep. My kids think the same thing. They don't understand how the meds weigh me down. I actually tried to contact some holistic healing places but they are all high end programs, very expensive and evidently made for the rich man. I just don’t know...
I have always been able to function and lead a successful life. I have a successful career and am working on my Master’s degree. I also have seen my share of problems. I have been arrested several times over the years and never really put 2 and 2 together. 99% of the time I was in trouble I was either drinking or at a bar where somebody else was acting stupid after drinking too much.
I also have mental illness issues that I am currently on meds for. I have severe anxiety and depression. I am also very shy. I feel like I can’t have a good time without booze. It relaxes me and brings me out. Unfortunately I don’t know my limits and will drink as long as the booze is there. Mixed with the meds, it is not rare that I black out and actually miss the whole next day. This is a problem as well because I have 2 great kids and have missed some of their sporting events, which I usually never do. I also have a lot of guilt for the way my kids have seen me on some occasions.
I work at a bar part-time and everybody there teases me and calls me 2-can Sam because I get drunk so quickly. They don’t know that I take meds as well that get me drunk quicker. I may have lost that job recently though because the bar closed down and I was not working that night. I kept on going behind the bar anyway and helping myself. It was a good part-time job that I blew.
Yesterday I lost a friend that I really liked. Evidently we were at the bar the other weekend and she said that I was saying stuff about her. I honestly don’t even remember it and was surprised when she cursed me out when she saw me yesterday. In shock really. When she cursed me out I came right back at her with a verbal onslaught because of my stupid temper; there is definitely no hope for reconciliation.
What do I do when my whole life all I ever did for fun was get drunk? What do I do when my whole life I have been very shy and only felt comfortable when drinking??? Nothing else interests me on the weekends. I am always very tired from the meds and rarely feel like doing much else. My girlfriend always complains that all I ever want to do is sleep. My kids think the same thing. They don't understand how the meds weigh me down. I actually tried to contact some holistic healing places but they are all high end programs, very expensive and evidently made for the rich man. I just don’t know...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi and Welcome,
There are many of us here who used alcohol because of anxiety and depression and out of a desire to feel more comfortable in social situations. I still feel somewhat uncomfortable in crowds, but that's fine with me. It's a lot better than being drunk.
Alcoholism is a progessive disease and it will get worse if you don't stop it. Take a look around here and you'll see that many people are recovering and happy.
Have you talked to your dr about the side-effects from your medication? There might be other options that would work for you. And, there are lots and lots of things to do other than drinking. Your whole life will open up to you.
There are many of us here who used alcohol because of anxiety and depression and out of a desire to feel more comfortable in social situations. I still feel somewhat uncomfortable in crowds, but that's fine with me. It's a lot better than being drunk.
Alcoholism is a progessive disease and it will get worse if you don't stop it. Take a look around here and you'll see that many people are recovering and happy.
Have you talked to your dr about the side-effects from your medication? There might be other options that would work for you. And, there are lots and lots of things to do other than drinking. Your whole life will open up to you.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR rich, here is a little test to take that could prove to be an eye opener or maybe just confirmation of something you already suspect. Alcoholics Anonymous : Is A.A. For You?
Answer the questions honestly.
As already said alcoholism is a progressive disease, as long as an alcoholic drinks thier alcoholism gets worse, NEVER better, not does it ever stabilize at some point. There is no cure for it and the only way to arrest it is total abstinance. An alcoholic can go 10 years without drinking and if they start again within a week or less they are right back to where they left off or in some cases worse then they were when they quit 10 years before.
I am an alcoholic and I have found a solution for my alcoholism and life as well.
Answer the questions honestly.
As already said alcoholism is a progressive disease, as long as an alcoholic drinks thier alcoholism gets worse, NEVER better, not does it ever stabilize at some point. There is no cure for it and the only way to arrest it is total abstinance. An alcoholic can go 10 years without drinking and if they start again within a week or less they are right back to where they left off or in some cases worse then they were when they quit 10 years before.
I am an alcoholic and I have found a solution for my alcoholism and life as well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by 51anna 
Hi and Welcome,
There are many of us here who used alcohol because of anxiety and depression and out of a desire to feel more comfortable in social situations. I still feel somewhat uncomfortable in crowds, but that's fine with me. It's a lot better than being drunk.
Alcoholism is a progessive disease and it will get worse if you don't stop it. Take a look around here and you'll see that many people are recovering and happy.
Have you talked to your dr about the side-effects from your medication? There might be other options that would work for you. And, there are lots and lots of things to do other than drinking. Your whole life will open up to you.
There are many of us here who used alcohol because of anxiety and depression and out of a desire to feel more comfortable in social situations. I still feel somewhat uncomfortable in crowds, but that's fine with me. It's a lot better than being drunk.
Alcoholism is a progessive disease and it will get worse if you don't stop it. Take a look around here and you'll see that many people are recovering and happy.
Have you talked to your dr about the side-effects from your medication? There might be other options that would work for you. And, there are lots and lots of things to do other than drinking. Your whole life will open up to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
I drank throughout my life and did not think it was possible to have as good time w/o drinking also, it got to the point I couldn't even be alone with myself w/o drinking. I wasn't sure I wanted life w/o drinking. I was/am shy and rather quiet and when I quit drinking I became scared of my own shadow for some time. However, sobriety has brought me so much confidence in myself, so much respect for myself, that nothing really scares me now. And now when I have a good time, I remember it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: edmonton, alberta
Posts: 88
Welcome Rich!
This is an awesome site - tons of support and lots of wisdom. It has helped me immensely in my quest for a sober life.
I can really relate to the shyness and awkwardness in social situations. That is the main reason why I drank. I also have 25 years (all of my adult life) of thinking that alcohol = fun. I am still trying to "train my brain" to realize that you don't need booze to have a good time.
I, too, have been on prescription medications and knowingly mixed them with alcohol. There are so many holes in my memory from when I did that. I am so lucky to actually be alive because of my stupidity. My previous doctor handed prescriptions out like candy without looking into any alternatives. It amazes me how many times me or my family have been to doctors for depression or anxiety related things and never had so much as a blood test to rule out other stuff before a script for an anti-depressant was written. You really have to be pro-active when dealing with your health. It also helps to be honest with your doctor (I wasn't) about your drinking.
I'm 53 days sober today and it is getting easier with the help of this site and my AA group.
Keep coming back!
This is an awesome site - tons of support and lots of wisdom. It has helped me immensely in my quest for a sober life.
I can really relate to the shyness and awkwardness in social situations. That is the main reason why I drank. I also have 25 years (all of my adult life) of thinking that alcohol = fun. I am still trying to "train my brain" to realize that you don't need booze to have a good time.
I, too, have been on prescription medications and knowingly mixed them with alcohol. There are so many holes in my memory from when I did that. I am so lucky to actually be alive because of my stupidity. My previous doctor handed prescriptions out like candy without looking into any alternatives. It amazes me how many times me or my family have been to doctors for depression or anxiety related things and never had so much as a blood test to rule out other stuff before a script for an anti-depressant was written. You really have to be pro-active when dealing with your health. It also helps to be honest with your doctor (I wasn't) about your drinking.
I'm 53 days sober today and it is getting easier with the help of this site and my AA group.
Keep coming back!
Last edited by acer67; 06-05-2009 at 09:22 AM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Hi Rich, You asked what you're going to do in a life w/o alcohol. Well, there are a number of things that come to mind but you'll figure it out in time. The bigger question is what are you going to do if you continue to drink. In an nutshell, you'll end up in jail, an asylum, or dead. If I were you I'd probably choose the uncertainty of a sober life than the certainty of an alcoholic one. And all the right diets and vitamins and holistic approaches aren't going to do a thing for your alcoholism. If you want to get sober more than you want to drink, then I suggest that you try AA for a while. That's the program that I use, and I can honestly say it saved my life. But whatever you choose to do, you need to stop drinking. You're killing yourself.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by rich19007
I have always been able to function and lead a successful life. I have a successful career and am working on my Master’s degree.
.......I was in rehab 2 to 3 times, as well as mental illness facilities.
.......I have been arrested several times over the years
.......I also have mental illness issues that I am currently on meds for.
.......I have severe anxiety and depression. I am also very shy.
.......I feel like I can’t have a good time without booze.
......Unfortunately I don’t know my limits and will drink as long as the booze is there.
.......Mixed with the meds, it is not rare that I black out and actually miss the whole next day.
.......I have 2 great kids and have missed some of their sporting events
.......have a lot of guilt for the way my kids have seen me on some occasions.
.......I may have lost that job recently though because ...I kept on going behind the bar anyway and helping myself.
.......Yesterday I lost a friend that I really liked.
.......I came right back at her with a verbal onslaught because of my stupid temper
......Nothing else interests me on the weekends.
......I am always very tired from the meds and rarely feel like doing much else.
......My girlfriend always complains that all I ever want to do is sleep.
......My kids think the same thing.
.......They don't understand how the meds weigh me down....
I don't know if it helps to read your own words the way I read them. You say you have a successful life but the litany of woes says otherwise. A successful life is one worth getting up out of bed for. One worth playing with your kids. One where you want to do things with your girlfriend. One where things besides drinking interest you. Where you aren't yelling at people in blackouts, losing friends, stilling booze and going to the mental hospital.
And if you're honest with yourself, the porblem is not that the meds weigh you down. The problem is complicated because of mental illness (I have it too) but it is highly exacerbated by your alcoholism. Nothing will get better without you addressing that issue.
Nothing gets better unless you admit that 1) Your life is unmanageable and 2) you are powerless over alcohol.
The good news is that once you take those two steps, you get to start a fresh new life. It's not easy. It's hard as heck at first. You have to get rid of your excuses and address your fears. But it gets better. You just have to decide you can do it, that you want it. And take the first step.
I'm glad you're here. Stay!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by joedris
Hi Rich, You asked what you're going to do in a life w/o alcohol. Well, there are a number of things that come to mind but you'll figure it out in time. The bigger question is what are you going to do if you continue to drink. In an nutshell, you'll end up in jail, an asylum, or dead. If I were you I'd probably choose the uncertainty of a sober life than the certainty of an alcoholic one. And all the right diets and vitamins and holistic approaches aren't going to do a thing for your alcoholism. If you want to get sober more than you want to drink, then I suggest that you try AA for a while. That's the program that I use, and I can honestly say it saved my life. But whatever you choose to do, you need to stop drinking. You're killing yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by acer67
Welcome Rich!
This is an awesome site - tons of support and lots of wisdom. It has helped me immensely in my quest for a sober life.
I can really relate to the shyness and awkwardness in social situations. That is the main reason why I drank. I also have 25 years (all of my adult life) of thinking that alcohol = fun. I am still trying to "train my brain" to realize that you don't need booze to have a good time.
I, too, have been on prescription medications and knowingly mixed them with alcohol. There are so many holes in my memory from when I did that. I am so lucky to actually be alive because of my stupidity. My previous doctor handed prescriptions out like candy without looking into any alternatives. It amazes me how many times me or my family have been to doctors for depression or anxiety related things and never had so much as a blood test to rule out other stuff before a script for an anti-depressant was written. You really have to be pro-active when dealing with your health. It also helps to be honest with your doctor (I wasn't) about your drinking.
I'm 53 days sober today and it is getting easier with the help of this site and my AA group.
Keep coming back!
This is an awesome site - tons of support and lots of wisdom. It has helped me immensely in my quest for a sober life.
I can really relate to the shyness and awkwardness in social situations. That is the main reason why I drank. I also have 25 years (all of my adult life) of thinking that alcohol = fun. I am still trying to "train my brain" to realize that you don't need booze to have a good time.
I, too, have been on prescription medications and knowingly mixed them with alcohol. There are so many holes in my memory from when I did that. I am so lucky to actually be alive because of my stupidity. My previous doctor handed prescriptions out like candy without looking into any alternatives. It amazes me how many times me or my family have been to doctors for depression or anxiety related things and never had so much as a blood test to rule out other stuff before a script for an anti-depressant was written. You really have to be pro-active when dealing with your health. It also helps to be honest with your doctor (I wasn't) about your drinking.
I'm 53 days sober today and it is getting easier with the help of this site and my AA group.
Keep coming back!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Please read this link.....it's excerpts from the book that convinced
me to quit drinking......I hope it will benefit you too....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Blessings to you and your family
Welcome to SR....
me to quit drinking......I hope it will benefit you too....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Blessings to you and your family
Welcome to SR....
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Some days I wish I was you Joe, the man with all the answers!
I started at 14 drinkin and drugging. Never thought I could or wanted to quit. Then one night I did stupid things like you that I didn't remember doing, hurt the feelings of people I loved. I decided that next day that if I KNOW I would never do or say those things sober, than alcohol was a bit like invasion of the body snatchers for me. I don't give my free will up to any one or any thing if I can help it.
I quit, it's been 5 month. It was so much easier that I thought it would be, and really not much has changed. I still hang out with my really good buddies even if they are partying now and then, the rest of my "friends" lost their appeal as soon as the beer googles came off. The next time the aliens or the devil invades your brain, he might make you eat horse poop for a dollar in front of all you bar buds, beware.
I started at 14 drinkin and drugging. Never thought I could or wanted to quit. Then one night I did stupid things like you that I didn't remember doing, hurt the feelings of people I loved. I decided that next day that if I KNOW I would never do or say those things sober, than alcohol was a bit like invasion of the body snatchers for me. I don't give my free will up to any one or any thing if I can help it.
I quit, it's been 5 month. It was so much easier that I thought it would be, and really not much has changed. I still hang out with my really good buddies even if they are partying now and then, the rest of my "friends" lost their appeal as soon as the beer googles came off. The next time the aliens or the devil invades your brain, he might make you eat horse poop for a dollar in front of all you bar buds, beware.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
"As far as AA, I looked into meetings and there was one down the street from me. I don't know anything about it though. Can I just walk into one without knowing anybody? "
Absolutely.
Do it, tell me how you liked it.
Absolutely.
Do it, tell me how you liked it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Hey Rich, You can walk into an AA meeting w/o any intruductions. There's no secret handshake or anything, and it's free. And yes, try it and let us know what you think.
And Uglyeyes, you don't want to be me. I don't have many answers but those that I do came from being in places you don't ever want to go. Trust me on this.
And Uglyeyes, you don't want to be me. I don't have many answers but those that I do came from being in places you don't ever want to go. Trust me on this.
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