eddie73

Hi everyone. My name is Enda and I am an addict, alcoholic, whatever.

I have tried numerous times to quit, and have failed to stay sober. I am afraid that I will always be the type of person that relapses into the old cycle of daily drinking, freefalling thru the 24 hour clock.

I am afraid.

Rowan

Hi Eddie,

Welcome to the site. Surely you must believe that recovery is possible? Why else would you be here?

I'm glad you found us. Stick around and read some of our stories. There's a lot of support and inspiration here.

Anna

It is really scary to be in the depths of addiction.

But, take a look around here and you will see lots of people who are recovering successfully.

Tazman53

Welcome to SR Eddie, I too had that fear you speak of, I felt hopeless and lost, I had reached the point where I gave up, I could not stop drinking so I decided to quit fighting it and just drink..... It actually gave me relief.

Well not long after that I had a moment of clarity, in that moment I saw my death if I continued drinking, a slow, lonely, painful death from alcoholism and that scared me because I had tried to quit so many times before and could not.

For some reason I looked on the back of my health insurance card and there was a alcohol & drug hotline number......... hell I was desperate, I knew I did not know how to quit, at that point I had been physically addicted to alcohol for 5 years, so I called the number.

I saw the docotor and he put me into detox.

In detox they told me that if I wanted a chance to stay sober to go to 90+ AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.

I got out of detox, I went to 90+ AA meetings in 90 days & I got a sponsor.

In AA they told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober I should take the steps with my sponsor.

I took the steps with my sponsor.

That was over 2 1/2 years ago, I am still sober, I am happy, I still go to 3 or more AA meetings a week, I still have a sponsor and I sponsor other men, one has been sober over 2 years, 2 others just over a year.

Today thanks to the fellowship & the program I have a Higher Power of my choosing and understanding, I am comfortable in my own skin, I live life on lifes terms one day at a time and I can honestly say I could care less if I ever have a drink again.

There is a solution.

ANGELINA243

Welcome! Glad you are here.

jamdls

Welcome Enda. There is hope. Most of us here likely felt the same as you I know I did, I couldn't imagine life w/o alcohol and wasn't sure I wanted to. It's not easy and it takes a lot of willpower, support, and often medical attention but it is sooooo worth the struggle! I didn't stop drinking until I was 50, I wasted so very many years, now 2 years later I am the happiest I've ever been I look in the mirror and I like the woman looking back at me. Life on the sober side is awesome.

Judy

eddie73

Hey!!

Thanks for your replies. I didnt expect to hear 3 in a couple of hours.

Tazman53, your post has given me hope and strength.
Thanks again guys.

Toomutch

Welcome eddie!
Most of us have felt like you are describing. I have gone from where you speak of now to sober for more than a year. I would have never thought I would make it out of the grip alcohol had on me. I found SR and it has been a life saver.

Stay near eddie, you will find alot of support here. There is always someone around to talk with.

keithj

That was me Enda. Drinking every day. Making promises to stop on a daily basis and being absolutely unable to stop. Sure I had little periods of sobriety, spent in fear and self-pity, but I always returned to the bottle. It sounds like you are at a point of hopelessness, wondering if you can ever get a handle on this. I want to absolutely assure you that you can recover, just as I did.

When I look back, it almost feels like I cheated my way to recovery. I didn't do anything extraordinary or heroic. I just got hopeless like you and gave up fighting my alcoholism. I found a guy in AA who knew how to work that program straight out of the book. Following the book's directions, I became spiritually aware and drinkig ceased to be a problem for me. I also got a life and a way of living that was way beyond my expectations.

I've helped and seen this work for many other people. All it takes is a little open-mindedness and a lot of willingness to do what others have done to recover.

Tazman53

I can tell you where to find rooms full of hope & strength, call your local AA hotline, a recovered alcoholic will answer the phone and you can find out where meetings are in your area, go to one every night for a week, you will see it all, you will see people like your self just starting out in sobriety and people with many years of sobriety. Go to enough meetings and you will hear some one else tell your story.

When you call ask about what a sponsor is.

joedris

Hi Enda. You should be afraid. You should be very afraid. While your alcohol/addictions are very serious, it's not hopeless. Taz and I both got sober in AA. I'm not going to repeat what he just said. I just endorse his recommendation to try AA. You can stop the insanity if you really want to.

mle-sober

Hey Enda. Welcome to SR. Just because you haven't found recovery yet doesn't mean you won't! Do not despair. Despair is your disease playing one of its stronger cards. Imagine you are in a game of poker for your life. You have to be as cunning and baffling as your disease is. You have to match your wits against this powerful force. WHen you fight a powerful force, you use everything you have. Can you honestly say that you've used EVERYTHING you have to try to quit? Or have you used HALF-MEASURES? The Big Book points out that half meausures availed us nothing.

Throw yourself full-hearted, full-body, full-force into fighting your alcoholism and you will win. Use whatever means you have.

How sad would it be to go through life saying you have lost when in fact you have never given yourself a chance?

I'm glad you're here. I would be curious to know more about your circumstances and what your efforts to quit have looked like. Keep posting! We are here!

- Emilie

eddie73

Hi Emilie,

I quit for 2 months back in October and November last year. That was the longest I have stayed off it for 18 years of problem drinking.

I am very cunning at disguising my drinking. I look fit and rarely appear drunk in public, but it is in the comfort zone of my own house and bedroom that I feed the habit. I know that this will be no huge surprise to all on this board. The cycle seems to hit every 3 weeks when I go over my quota and into desperate drinking.

I am at a point where I need to stop permanently as the 'now and again' notion that I have about 'relaxing' with a bottle of wine is just an illusion, a trick I play on myself to pour booze relentlessly into my system.

It seems to be the times when I am least tempted are the times I am most at risk of binging again. The game is up and I would settle for an ordinary life as opposed to this lonely madness.

I want to believe I can do it but there is a wreckless, self destructive streak in my character that seems to sabotage my normal day to day life.

I will check out a local aa service and take it from there. For now I am quite anxious, due to withdrawal.

The one thing I havent done is hurt my family, as I am single and they dont see me during my dark orbits. I am happy to keep this a filthy secret from them as they would be truely astonished at my consumption.

Anyway, Im glad I have found this remarkable forum. I was in the chat room earlier and got talking to Charmian, Leprechaun, andana and evan. They were very supportive

CarolD

Welcome.....

I too had false starts before I finally quit drinking.
Please keep trying ...sobriety is sooo worth the effort.

Wolfchild

Welcome to the community!

NewBeginning010

Welcome to SR Enda :ghug

nogard

hey eddie, welcome to SR SR was my first stopping point on my way from death walking to a new life.

Kevin