Another day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Another day
After a blowup last night with AH here I am.
My AH has chronic pain due to a bad back & neck but won't take his meds correctly.
We've tried everything:
Switching to patches instead of pills. He took extra Hydro and nearly overdosed.
Setting up pills in daily boxes. He'd find them and get into them.
Locking up said meds in a lock box. He took the box and welded it open. Then proclaimed someone stole them.
Previous blowup was a month ago. He decided he needed rehab but since we have no insurance he would have no way to pay for it. He got turned down for disability for not having enough work credits, worked too many under the table jobs I guess and the other one he could'nt qualify for due to my income. I also found out he'd been smoking pot all along and buying meds from a "friend"
He went to MHMR and had a appt June 1st to get on a waiting list for a free bed.
Week 1: Attended meetings like a fiend. Was staying out of meds according to my count. Said he wasn't buying extra or smoking pot. Who knows
Week 2: Lessened meetings, got irritable, still stayed out of meds according to my count.
Week 3: Attended one meeting, rest the same.
Week 4: Currently now. A couple of days ago I discovered he had been pawning his stuff of the last several months. None recently but still. One was a Christmas present from December, he pawned it in January. Atteneded the meeting for the free bed 6/1 & was given papers to fill out.
Yesterday: depressed, irritable, laying around, still hasn't filled out papers, no AA meetings, me & kids went to town last night and while we were gone he got into the meds. Later that evening I caught him trying to get into them again. I took the meds and put them somewhere else. Told him I wasn't going to give them to him.
Big blowout ensued. He states he has to have the meds because if he doesn't the pain will kill him but that he can't control how he takes them. States that Alanon is not doing me any good & I just want to get rid of him.
I don't love him & he should just kill himself yadayada.
He says he will be checking into the crisis center tonight. Whatever.
This morning I wake up & find the meds gone. He must have came into the house when everyone was asleep and took them.
I'm releived they are gone. I don't have to deal with them anymore. Now I am just worried about how to take care of things here and the kids.
Funny, I'm not crying my eyes out, I am sad & hurt but I am at peace a tiny bit. That prob makes no sense. I am just so tired of it all.
Teggie
My AH has chronic pain due to a bad back & neck but won't take his meds correctly.
We've tried everything:
Switching to patches instead of pills. He took extra Hydro and nearly overdosed.
Setting up pills in daily boxes. He'd find them and get into them.
Locking up said meds in a lock box. He took the box and welded it open. Then proclaimed someone stole them.
Previous blowup was a month ago. He decided he needed rehab but since we have no insurance he would have no way to pay for it. He got turned down for disability for not having enough work credits, worked too many under the table jobs I guess and the other one he could'nt qualify for due to my income. I also found out he'd been smoking pot all along and buying meds from a "friend"
He went to MHMR and had a appt June 1st to get on a waiting list for a free bed.
Week 1: Attended meetings like a fiend. Was staying out of meds according to my count. Said he wasn't buying extra or smoking pot. Who knows
Week 2: Lessened meetings, got irritable, still stayed out of meds according to my count.
Week 3: Attended one meeting, rest the same.
Week 4: Currently now. A couple of days ago I discovered he had been pawning his stuff of the last several months. None recently but still. One was a Christmas present from December, he pawned it in January. Atteneded the meeting for the free bed 6/1 & was given papers to fill out.
Yesterday: depressed, irritable, laying around, still hasn't filled out papers, no AA meetings, me & kids went to town last night and while we were gone he got into the meds. Later that evening I caught him trying to get into them again. I took the meds and put them somewhere else. Told him I wasn't going to give them to him.
Big blowout ensued. He states he has to have the meds because if he doesn't the pain will kill him but that he can't control how he takes them. States that Alanon is not doing me any good & I just want to get rid of him.
I don't love him & he should just kill himself yadayada.
He says he will be checking into the crisis center tonight. Whatever.
This morning I wake up & find the meds gone. He must have came into the house when everyone was asleep and took them.
I'm releived they are gone. I don't have to deal with them anymore. Now I am just worried about how to take care of things here and the kids.
Funny, I'm not crying my eyes out, I am sad & hurt but I am at peace a tiny bit. That prob makes no sense. I am just so tired of it all.
Teggie
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
Teggie,
Do you have support for you? Anyone in recovery (Al-Anon) or a counselor or even a pastor that you talk to? Are you alone with all this?
He will make you crazy.
I hope he checks into the center tonight. Is there an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting you can get to this week. Honestly, just the act of going, just the act of picking up the brochures (even if you've already read them), just the act of ACTION helps so much. Even if the meeting is boring and you don't like anybody there
.
More people will be here soon to offer you support.
Love, Bluejay
Do you have support for you? Anyone in recovery (Al-Anon) or a counselor or even a pastor that you talk to? Are you alone with all this?
He will make you crazy.
I hope he checks into the center tonight. Is there an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting you can get to this week. Honestly, just the act of going, just the act of picking up the brochures (even if you've already read them), just the act of ACTION helps so much. Even if the meeting is boring and you don't like anybody there
. More people will be here soon to offer you support.
Love, Bluejay
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
BTDT - they will drive you crazy and do ANYTHING for drugs. ANYTHING. The sooner we realize that, the better off we are. We can come up with a plan of action and stick to it. He clearly doesn't want or isn't ready for help. My AH manipulated me in this way for a long time - leading me to believe hewanted/needed help. He didn't - I did and he did it for me or to shut me up or get me off his back.
It's best to step back and assess the situation for what it is instead of what you want it to be and make an action plan according to the true situation. You can't do it. It's his battle to fight. I learned it the hard way. Look @ his actions, not his words or intentions. They're meaningless when in addiction. Look out for yourself and your kids.
It's best to step back and assess the situation for what it is instead of what you want it to be and make an action plan according to the true situation. You can't do it. It's his battle to fight. I learned it the hard way. Look @ his actions, not his words or intentions. They're meaningless when in addiction. Look out for yourself and your kids.
aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 364
Hey Teggie~ Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like anything has really changed for you. Didn't you say before that you were done babysitting the meds? Are you going back on boundaries that you have set for yourself? It certainly sounds like he is not serious about, or possibly ready for, recovery. I'm sorry you're still going through this. Just keep thinking about what's best for you and your kids and keep one foot in front of the other!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Luckily I am well involved in Alanon. I have a long distance sponser who I was recently set up with when I told our district sponser that we had no ready sponsers in our group. All of us have not worked the steps yet. I was supposed to meet her 2 weeks ago at one of her meetings about 1 1/2 hours from here. But crap hit the fan and I could'nt make it. I have her number though so I think I will call.
He just showed up on my porch and was totally stoned. He tried to offer me a check from some work he did this am. I would'nt touch it. He said the crisis center could'nt take him for 2 days, I said whatever, I'm done. Told him he could stay in the shop for a few days till he gets his crap together then he has to go somewhere else.
He doesn't know how bad it's gonna get, I'm pissed and I know from experience that anger can play a strong role in crisis times like this. When he doesn't give me his cell phone payment, byebye phone, when he fails to pay me for his truck insurance then I'll remove it from my policy. Then when he eventually fails to pay for his truck that is in my name, I'll take it back and sell it or arrange something with my soon to be 18 yr old who is currently looking for a job, she'll be a senior next year.
Luckily & by the grace of god I am the breadwinner and pay the bills anyways, so I am humbley thankful that I am not having to start completley over as I have done in the past when he walked out on me & the kids with me severly depressed, no car & a home in eviction. I nearly put a bullet in my head then.
He told me later that he thought I would never do anything or get better while he was still there & that was why he left & that he had wanted me to reach out to him for help but I didn't.
I told him exactly that just a few minutes ago & said that he wasn't going to get better [B]while I was around to enable him[B] so I choose to remove myself from his situation.
Paybacks are hell.
Enough ranting, I appreciate the words of support, I am going to need them.
Hugs,
Teggie
He just showed up on my porch and was totally stoned. He tried to offer me a check from some work he did this am. I would'nt touch it. He said the crisis center could'nt take him for 2 days, I said whatever, I'm done. Told him he could stay in the shop for a few days till he gets his crap together then he has to go somewhere else.
He doesn't know how bad it's gonna get, I'm pissed and I know from experience that anger can play a strong role in crisis times like this. When he doesn't give me his cell phone payment, byebye phone, when he fails to pay me for his truck insurance then I'll remove it from my policy. Then when he eventually fails to pay for his truck that is in my name, I'll take it back and sell it or arrange something with my soon to be 18 yr old who is currently looking for a job, she'll be a senior next year.
Luckily & by the grace of god I am the breadwinner and pay the bills anyways, so I am humbley thankful that I am not having to start completley over as I have done in the past when he walked out on me & the kids with me severly depressed, no car & a home in eviction. I nearly put a bullet in my head then.
He told me later that he thought I would never do anything or get better while he was still there & that was why he left & that he had wanted me to reach out to him for help but I didn't.
I told him exactly that just a few minutes ago & said that he wasn't going to get better [B]while I was around to enable him[B] so I choose to remove myself from his situation.
Paybacks are hell.
Enough ranting, I appreciate the words of support, I am going to need them.
Hugs,
Teggie
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
just to remind you, this is not your fault. it is his responsibaly. he will find a way to use if he wants too. keep going to your meetings & take care of you. there is nothing u can do for him. we r here for you & i am sending up a prayer for you both.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,863
Stay strong, Teggie. Sounds like you have a good solid plan and boundaries. Stay mad, too. You're stronger when you're angry with him. Don't let him play on your sympathy. One suggestion though...the truck. Do you really want him driving a truck in your name while he is in that condition? You might want to give that some thought. ((((HUGS))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Justired,
I took back the pillbox duty when he said he would go to rehab and I stupidly beleived he was trying. We all know what happens when you beleive an addict.
They can be very convincing and even cry & all that crap. I still say I'm the biggest fool there is.
I read a thread recently where someone was recommended to grow some shall I say "extra body parts". Although it wasn't my thread I still took the advice to stand up to it all. Or I am trying to.
Talked to our son today, told him his dad was sick and would have to stay out of the house until he decides to get help to get better. He asked me were we getting divorced and I said not now but that would depend on how things are in the future. He didn't cry, said he hoped his dad would get help and gave me a big hug. Everything I have done is to try to protect him & his sisters. They are my life.
Suki, I hadn't thought much about the truck so thats a good point you raised. I doubt he will even make this monthes payment so I'll have it back fairly soon I imagine. I have been so consumed about everything else I hadn't thought of it.
I am definitly stronger when I am royally pissed off, it keeps those old guilible feelings at bay. I wrote out a list of the things he's done and stuck them on my computer screen just so I remember.
I'm sad but also resigned to the fact that it's out of my hands now.
Thanks all, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have this place to come to. I'm close to my Mom who is my best friend so thats helped too.
Back to work in the am, that will be good too & will keep my mind occupied.
Hugs,
Teggie
I took back the pillbox duty when he said he would go to rehab and I stupidly beleived he was trying. We all know what happens when you beleive an addict.
They can be very convincing and even cry & all that crap. I still say I'm the biggest fool there is.
I read a thread recently where someone was recommended to grow some shall I say "extra body parts". Although it wasn't my thread I still took the advice to stand up to it all. Or I am trying to.
Talked to our son today, told him his dad was sick and would have to stay out of the house until he decides to get help to get better. He asked me were we getting divorced and I said not now but that would depend on how things are in the future. He didn't cry, said he hoped his dad would get help and gave me a big hug. Everything I have done is to try to protect him & his sisters. They are my life.
Suki, I hadn't thought much about the truck so thats a good point you raised. I doubt he will even make this monthes payment so I'll have it back fairly soon I imagine. I have been so consumed about everything else I hadn't thought of it.
I am definitly stronger when I am royally pissed off, it keeps those old guilible feelings at bay. I wrote out a list of the things he's done and stuck them on my computer screen just so I remember.
I'm sad but also resigned to the fact that it's out of my hands now.
Thanks all, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have this place to come to. I'm close to my Mom who is my best friend so thats helped too.
Back to work in the am, that will be good too & will keep my mind occupied.
Hugs,
Teggie
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Originally Posted by Teggie 
Funny, I'm not crying my eyes out, I am sad & hurt but I am at peace a tiny bit. That prob makes no sense. I am just so tired of it all.
aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 364
I took back the pillbox duty when he said he would go to rehab and I stupidly beleived he was trying. We all know what happens when you beleive an addict.
They can be very convincing and even cry & all that crap. I still say I'm the biggest fool there is.
They can be very convincing and even cry & all that crap. I still say I'm the biggest fool there is.
My abf has gone back to trying the pill box thing saying he will (once again) prove he can do it. I have not gotten my hopes up, but am watching... but I was the "keeper of the box" once before and won't do it again. Actually, he even said if he couldn't do it, maybe he'd have to give them to me and I could lock them up or something. I immediately thought of you and went, uh uh
! Again, please do not think yourself a fool for buying in. SO many people, including myself, have bought in over and over. Because just one of these times, MAYBE he will mean it. It takes time to figure things out. Give yourself a break! Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Another day done, I have accomplished my goal just for today.
Went to work, worked hard for 12 hours, my oldest called me & let me know he had been coming in and out of the house today while I was gone, getting this and that & raiding the frig. Came home, sister was here talked with her & then my mom dropped by too to show me her snazzy new wheels..
Son wanted to go stay the night with his dad in the shop and I said no. Saw druggy friend back there when I came in so I took a walk out there & told him to not have that person on the property again or I would call the police, then stated he needed to get whatever clothes & stuff he needed tomorrow while I was gone and then stay away from the house. Said if he could'nt abide by that then he could leave the property now. Also said that until he got better our son would not stay the night with him.
He was stoned but not as bad as yesterday, gee I guess he's already running low? He smirked at me after I finished talking & I said "Dont smirk at me, you did this." Then I left.
I didn't even want to talk to him period but felt I needed to enforce the boundries.
I'm doing ok but a couple of times I nearly broke out in tears just out of the blue. Wonder if I need to get the Prozac refilled?
I hope everybody is doing ok.
Hugs,
Teggie
Went to work, worked hard for 12 hours, my oldest called me & let me know he had been coming in and out of the house today while I was gone, getting this and that & raiding the frig. Came home, sister was here talked with her & then my mom dropped by too to show me her snazzy new wheels..
Son wanted to go stay the night with his dad in the shop and I said no. Saw druggy friend back there when I came in so I took a walk out there & told him to not have that person on the property again or I would call the police, then stated he needed to get whatever clothes & stuff he needed tomorrow while I was gone and then stay away from the house. Said if he could'nt abide by that then he could leave the property now. Also said that until he got better our son would not stay the night with him.
He was stoned but not as bad as yesterday, gee I guess he's already running low? He smirked at me after I finished talking & I said "Dont smirk at me, you did this." Then I left.
I didn't even want to talk to him period but felt I needed to enforce the boundries.
I'm doing ok but a couple of times I nearly broke out in tears just out of the blue. Wonder if I need to get the Prozac refilled?
I hope everybody is doing ok.
Hugs,
Teggie
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I agree about the locks. He'll find out you really meant what you said if he tries to come in the house while you're out.
The tears will come especially when your tired. Remind yourself the body releases toxins that way, both emotional and physical ones. Let them flow...you'll be stronger for it.
Stay strong!
Alice
The tears will come especially when your tired. Remind yourself the body releases toxins that way, both emotional and physical ones. Let them flow...you'll be stronger for it.
Stay strong!
Alice
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Boundaries are so hard. I've finally learned that I have to do them in incremental steps.
You might consider sitting quietly and trying to picture how you want YOUR life to be. Just you, without actually picturing how it might be for the kids, or him and the kids, or all of you as a family.
Just start with imagining for you.
A peaceful existance? How would that look...? Coming home at night, being able to focus on the chores or getting stuff ready for a weekend campout or making up some goodies to take to a family get together with your favorite cousins?
Or maybe a spontanious life? Being able to bundle some clothes in a bag and take off for a cheap road trip to the mountains? Knowing that the overtime you worked last month will easily cover the expense?
Go on like that until you run out of scenarios.
Then work in your kids. What does a wonderful life with them look like? (don't include hubby right now) Knowing they are safe because you have them spending time with folks who care about them first? Being able to meet their expectations of attending school programs? Being truly happy and content in the evenings as they prattle on about their day?
Now.... start making those things true.... one little thing at a time.
Initially, I was more like you, needing to get angry in order to stick to my boundaries. But the longer I am in Alanon, the more I hang out with folks who ARE in recovery and working a strong program, the less I need to be angry in order to hold a boundary... and the more able I am to set a boundary because I know it is ok to have the kind of life I have only previously imagined.
No one has to give me that life... I can just make it be so.
As you begin to set boundaries with your husband (and changing the locks sounds like a pretty good one to me, as well), keep in mind those pictures of your life. Teggies life. You are important. You are vital. You are complete and worthy... just as you are.
(((Big Hugs)))
You might consider sitting quietly and trying to picture how you want YOUR life to be. Just you, without actually picturing how it might be for the kids, or him and the kids, or all of you as a family.
Just start with imagining for you.
A peaceful existance? How would that look...? Coming home at night, being able to focus on the chores or getting stuff ready for a weekend campout or making up some goodies to take to a family get together with your favorite cousins?
Or maybe a spontanious life? Being able to bundle some clothes in a bag and take off for a cheap road trip to the mountains? Knowing that the overtime you worked last month will easily cover the expense?
Go on like that until you run out of scenarios.
Then work in your kids. What does a wonderful life with them look like? (don't include hubby right now) Knowing they are safe because you have them spending time with folks who care about them first? Being able to meet their expectations of attending school programs? Being truly happy and content in the evenings as they prattle on about their day?
Now.... start making those things true.... one little thing at a time.
Initially, I was more like you, needing to get angry in order to stick to my boundaries. But the longer I am in Alanon, the more I hang out with folks who ARE in recovery and working a strong program, the less I need to be angry in order to hold a boundary... and the more able I am to set a boundary because I know it is ok to have the kind of life I have only previously imagined.
No one has to give me that life... I can just make it be so.
As you begin to set boundaries with your husband (and changing the locks sounds like a pretty good one to me, as well), keep in mind those pictures of your life. Teggies life. You are important. You are vital. You are complete and worthy... just as you are.
(((Big Hugs)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Thank you all, this site has been a lifesaver for me. Since my alanon meetings are only once a week visiting here really helps.
Another day done and today is here.
Last night I got off work and started welling up tears in the parking lot going to my car. I had just talked to a coworker of mine and cried on her shoulder abit.
I got home and was happy to see my kids. My oldest has been so helpful watching her brother and sister, keeping the house up. I realized how blessed I am to have her around. Spent some extra time with my son because I know this has to be hard for him. I want him to know it's not his fault.
I find out the hubby has moved most of his stuff out as I asked. I did note he left behind the rehab papers he was suppossed to fill out and his AA books. Was I surprised? Nope, I wasn't. He has evidently arranged to rent the crappy falling down garage apt next door that the previous drug addicted tenants just got kicked out of. Great, so now he's next door. And on the other side is one of his druggy friends. My son is telling me this and asks me what is "Bacardi" he didn't spell it correctly but I figured it out, because a near empty bottle of it was on his dad's table. I said it was bad stuff & to stay away from that. So now drinking is in the mix. Son wanted to go see his dad before dark so I asked him to have his dad return the two cards (he had my sears and lowes card for buying the bathroom renovation stuff) and the house keys. He brought those to me so that is done, he still has the shop keys because all his stuff is out there.
I went to bed last night and could watch what I wanted on TV. I also didn't have to worry about having him around stoned or yelling at the kids or prowling the house with a flashlight..
I woke up this morning and realized I didn't have to set a pillbox out, I didn't have to worry about whether I hid the pills good enough.
It feels good to not have to obsess. I feel more peacefull right now.
I am off today so I have plenty of stuff to do around here. I burst my eardrums with my favorite tunes:
Call me when your sober
Big girls don't cry
Finger on the trigger
Leave the peices
I carry aroung my folded up peice of paper on which I have listed reminders of all the things he has done. On the other side is the serenity prayer, the 3 C's and reminders to me that I have let him go into God's hands. I keep it in my pocket and when I start feeling down I pull it out & read it. It really helps.
I have so many things ahead to get seen to, the yard, getting the tires checked on my car, getting ready for a small vacation with my mom & my kids. Saving up and having someone fix the plumbing in the 2nd bathroom and finish renovating it. But I don't have to handle all that today. And it will all work out.
It is falling into place on how to keep the kids looked after while I work. I am realizing that I don't need him as much as I thought I did.
Wow, what a concept!
Hugs to everyone,
Teggie
Another day done and today is here.
Last night I got off work and started welling up tears in the parking lot going to my car. I had just talked to a coworker of mine and cried on her shoulder abit.
I got home and was happy to see my kids. My oldest has been so helpful watching her brother and sister, keeping the house up. I realized how blessed I am to have her around. Spent some extra time with my son because I know this has to be hard for him. I want him to know it's not his fault.
I find out the hubby has moved most of his stuff out as I asked. I did note he left behind the rehab papers he was suppossed to fill out and his AA books. Was I surprised? Nope, I wasn't. He has evidently arranged to rent the crappy falling down garage apt next door that the previous drug addicted tenants just got kicked out of. Great, so now he's next door. And on the other side is one of his druggy friends. My son is telling me this and asks me what is "Bacardi" he didn't spell it correctly but I figured it out, because a near empty bottle of it was on his dad's table. I said it was bad stuff & to stay away from that. So now drinking is in the mix. Son wanted to go see his dad before dark so I asked him to have his dad return the two cards (he had my sears and lowes card for buying the bathroom renovation stuff) and the house keys. He brought those to me so that is done, he still has the shop keys because all his stuff is out there.
I went to bed last night and could watch what I wanted on TV. I also didn't have to worry about having him around stoned or yelling at the kids or prowling the house with a flashlight..
I woke up this morning and realized I didn't have to set a pillbox out, I didn't have to worry about whether I hid the pills good enough.
It feels good to not have to obsess. I feel more peacefull right now.
I am off today so I have plenty of stuff to do around here. I burst my eardrums with my favorite tunes:
Call me when your sober
Big girls don't cry
Finger on the trigger
Leave the peices
I carry aroung my folded up peice of paper on which I have listed reminders of all the things he has done. On the other side is the serenity prayer, the 3 C's and reminders to me that I have let him go into God's hands. I keep it in my pocket and when I start feeling down I pull it out & read it. It really helps.
I have so many things ahead to get seen to, the yard, getting the tires checked on my car, getting ready for a small vacation with my mom & my kids. Saving up and having someone fix the plumbing in the 2nd bathroom and finish renovating it. But I don't have to handle all that today. And it will all work out.
It is falling into place on how to keep the kids looked after while I work. I am realizing that I don't need him as much as I thought I did.
Wow, what a concept!
Hugs to everyone,
Teggie
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((Teggie))
I was where you are at once a few years back, something I did was put on some really upbeat music (the kind that you have to sway to) and started doing my housework. Pretty soon, I found myself dancing in the living room all by myself. When the kids walked in they thought I was crazy but I just kept right on dancing, dusting a little, and dancing a lot. Yes, I turned the music up too loud.
Give it a try, it released a lot of pent up tension.
Hugs
B
I was where you are at once a few years back, something I did was put on some really upbeat music (the kind that you have to sway to) and started doing my housework. Pretty soon, I found myself dancing in the living room all by myself. When the kids walked in they thought I was crazy but I just kept right on dancing, dusting a little, and dancing a lot. Yes, I turned the music up too loud.
Give it a try, it released a lot of pent up tension.
Hugs
B
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