Stop the Insanity
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,636
Stop the Insanity
For me, when it comes to obsessiing -- about anything, whether it be something that's happened in the past, trying to figure something out, trying to understand someone other than myself, or projecting into the future -- what I've learned to do is to recognize the feelings that are associated with my beginning to go to that "obsessed" place. Of course, it depends somewhat upon the particular issue I'm obsessing over and how, but the feelings that that brings for me are never good ones. The best that can be said about them is that I "am all reved up," like hyper-focusing on what ever it is I'm obsessed with.
It used to be that the reved-up-ness actually felt kinda good because, first off, it was very familiar, but more importantly it kinda gave me the illusion that I was actually doing something useful. But now I know that it is the beginning of insanity and that, if I keep on going down that path, I'm going to end up in fear and/or doubt and/or frustration and/or anger.....and definitely confusion. And I'm going to end up there fast...because, for me, the reved-up-ness moves fast and then faster and then faster...and the further along I take it, the harder it is for me to get out of it.
..and what I need to do to stop all that is, literally, to stop myself in my tracks and take time to get centered and to connect to HP. And that's what I do. (Literally, I have done this in the middle of the grocery store once when I felt a particulalry bad case coming on strong!) Wherever I am when I realize that that feeling is coming on, I stop and do one of several different "meditation-type" exercises that, at this point, will bring me back to center pretty quickly...and once I'm there and I'm calm, then I remember, and sense very strongly, that HP is in charge and I don't need to do all that sh*t and it's good.
Now, at first, I didn't even know what the feelings were that were associated with my "insanity" behavior patterns, and then, after awhile I could recognize them, but only after I got a pretty far way "gone" into them. Then I learned to recognize them more quickly, but it was still hard to do anything about going there. Now, I'm at the point where I almost always recognize them very quickly, if not at once, and am able to pull myself back from the edge with a high-degree of certainly and success.
I guess I don't really expect that these kind of patterns, which I find to be rooted in my core woundings and less-than-effective coping strategies, will ever disappear entirely -- and my guess, just from what I've seen in other people in the rooms, is that, if I stop really working on myself and on my connection to HP, they would come back fast and hard -- so, I try to measure and appreciate my progress in terms of how often and how quickly I can both recognize the "tell-tale" feelings and how quickly and successfully I can stop them from taking me to that crazy place. And all of that seems to be happening more quickly and more easily all the time. And that's good enough for me.
And actually I was talking about this with a sponsee yesterday, and it occurred to me that it really quite ironic that, in engaging in these exact behaviors that we fool ourselves into believing give us some kind of control, we actually give all the power and all the control -- over ourselves and our serentiy and our connection to HP -- to the very thing(s) or person(s) or situation(s) we are obsessing about. How totally counterproductive and just generally f*cked-up is that??????
freya
It used to be that the reved-up-ness actually felt kinda good because, first off, it was very familiar, but more importantly it kinda gave me the illusion that I was actually doing something useful. But now I know that it is the beginning of insanity and that, if I keep on going down that path, I'm going to end up in fear and/or doubt and/or frustration and/or anger.....and definitely confusion. And I'm going to end up there fast...because, for me, the reved-up-ness moves fast and then faster and then faster...and the further along I take it, the harder it is for me to get out of it.
..and what I need to do to stop all that is, literally, to stop myself in my tracks and take time to get centered and to connect to HP. And that's what I do. (Literally, I have done this in the middle of the grocery store once when I felt a particulalry bad case coming on strong!) Wherever I am when I realize that that feeling is coming on, I stop and do one of several different "meditation-type" exercises that, at this point, will bring me back to center pretty quickly...and once I'm there and I'm calm, then I remember, and sense very strongly, that HP is in charge and I don't need to do all that sh*t and it's good.
Now, at first, I didn't even know what the feelings were that were associated with my "insanity" behavior patterns, and then, after awhile I could recognize them, but only after I got a pretty far way "gone" into them. Then I learned to recognize them more quickly, but it was still hard to do anything about going there. Now, I'm at the point where I almost always recognize them very quickly, if not at once, and am able to pull myself back from the edge with a high-degree of certainly and success.
I guess I don't really expect that these kind of patterns, which I find to be rooted in my core woundings and less-than-effective coping strategies, will ever disappear entirely -- and my guess, just from what I've seen in other people in the rooms, is that, if I stop really working on myself and on my connection to HP, they would come back fast and hard -- so, I try to measure and appreciate my progress in terms of how often and how quickly I can both recognize the "tell-tale" feelings and how quickly and successfully I can stop them from taking me to that crazy place. And all of that seems to be happening more quickly and more easily all the time. And that's good enough for me.
And actually I was talking about this with a sponsee yesterday, and it occurred to me that it really quite ironic that, in engaging in these exact behaviors that we fool ourselves into believing give us some kind of control, we actually give all the power and all the control -- over ourselves and our serentiy and our connection to HP -- to the very thing(s) or person(s) or situation(s) we are obsessing about. How totally counterproductive and just generally f*cked-up is that??????
freya
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
freya-
thank you for verbalizing that. i fully identify with what you have written today...what you write of is the path of surrender to one's hp...and it does require that we recognize when we are sinking, as in violating spiritual law through our thoughts in anger.
today, my xABF was very inconsiderate to me and i became angry. i could almost feel demons flying around me, waiting until i became truly angry. i feared for my soul and prayed to HP that His will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. things then calmed down and i didn't feel that angry anymore. aye, i felt used and lied to, but i also felt that any wrongdoing was between my xABF and God, and i was not to get involved in it.
naive
thank you for verbalizing that. i fully identify with what you have written today...what you write of is the path of surrender to one's hp...and it does require that we recognize when we are sinking, as in violating spiritual law through our thoughts in anger.
today, my xABF was very inconsiderate to me and i became angry. i could almost feel demons flying around me, waiting until i became truly angry. i feared for my soul and prayed to HP that His will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. things then calmed down and i didn't feel that angry anymore. aye, i felt used and lied to, but i also felt that any wrongdoing was between my xABF and God, and i was not to get involved in it.
naive
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,636
Originally Posted by naive 
aye, i felt used and lied to, but i also felt that any wrongdoing was between my xABF and God, and i was not to get involved in it.
Originally Posted by naive
i feared for my soul and prayed to HP that His will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. things then calmed down and i didn't feel that angry anymore.
freya
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Freya, you always post such insightful and thought-provoking stuff, soul food!
This really hit me between the eyes:
The hours/days/months/years that I wasted obsessing over him (the EXAH) is mind-boggling. I thought that was my job, and I was most certainly doing something useful! Ugh.
Sadly the pattern continued for many years after I left the EXAH because I wasn't ready yet to look in the mirror in so many areas. I obsessed over relationship after relationship. I obsessed over AD.
Isn't it wonderful when we do recognize those feelings and take corrective action?! I've found that the more that I do it, the easier it becomes, almost second nature.
This really hit me between the eyes:
It used to be that the reved-up-ness actually felt kinda good because, first off, it was very familiar, but more importantly it kinda gave me the illusion that I was actually doing something useful.
Sadly the pattern continued for many years after I left the EXAH because I wasn't ready yet to look in the mirror in so many areas. I obsessed over relationship after relationship. I obsessed over AD.
Isn't it wonderful when we do recognize those feelings and take corrective action?! I've found that the more that I do it, the easier it becomes, almost second nature.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
Good word freya.
I believe all people have what you have explained but not everyone recognizes this or disciplines themselves with how to deal with it.
The temptation that enters the heart and mind is normal. The reaction determines whether we will live in health and peace or insanity.
Here is how I respond in my life to what I understood Ľou be sharing:
Philippians 4:5-7 (New International Version)
5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I believe all people have what you have explained but not everyone recognizes this or disciplines themselves with how to deal with it.
The temptation that enters the heart and mind is normal. The reaction determines whether we will live in health and peace or insanity.
Here is how I respond in my life to what I understood Ľou be sharing:
Philippians 4:5-7 (New International Version)
5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
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