hazel06

Hi! I'm new to this forum. Wondering if there is anyone else out there in the same situation. I am a nonfunctioning alcoholic married to a high functioning alcoholic. I really do love my husband, but just don't see any other way but divorce. I have been sober for 8 months and have no desire to change my nondrinking ways.

My husband doesn't want me drunk, but he basically deserts our marriage when I'm sober to hang out with his friends and drink. I do feel guilty, he went through some really tough times with my addiction. He doesn't think he has a problem. I asked him to quit drinking for 3 months when I was discharged from Hazelden. He never made it 3 days.

Dee74

I really have no experience with this, but I wanted to say hi anyway, Hazel

I hope you'll find the help and sup[port you need here.

We also have a Friends and Family forum that might give another perspective besides the ones you'll get here.

again, welcome
D

CarolD

Well done on your sober time......

I have no experience with your situation
I was already divorced when I found recovery.

...Welcome to SR

Hevyn

Welcome to the family Hazel. My former husband and I were drinking buddies as well as being happily married. We were destroying ourselves and I finally saw it - he did not. We parted because I couldn't live our old life with a baby to raise and he was incapable of quitting at that time. It was decades later when he finally saw the light, but it was too late for him by then - he had destroyed his health & is now gone. I know what a complicated mess this can be, but if he isn't willing or able to see what's really important in life there's little you can do.

Congratulations on your decision to get well and have a new beginning. You seem to have a great attitude in spite of the circumstances. Please let us know how it's going.

Tazman53

Welcome to SR Hazel, I wish you well, I have no experience on divorce in sobriety so I really have nothing to share but I do wish you the best.

I do have experience getting divoced while drinking!!!! LOL (What a bender!)

Freeport

Hazel, I'm glad you're here, too. No experience with divorce, but I can relate to family drinking patterns and struggles. There's a great group of people here who anonymously have helped me get through 22 days of sobriety. You're way ahead of me, and I admire you for remaining sober despite challenges with your husband. Please keep posting.

SurviveIt

I'm a non-functioning alcoholic and my wife is a high-functioning co-dependent. I deserted our marriage to drink. She finally got tired of it and (to her credit, I guess) left which was a good thing because I sobered up.

Maybe if you leave him, he'll see the light. At any rate, you have to protect your sobriety and living with a drunk doesn't serve that aim.

Good luck. It hurts.

Mark75

Have you talked with him about how this makes you feel?

Mark

Anna

Hi Hazel,

I'm glad that you're feeling good about your choice to live a sober life.

I hope that you and your husband find a solution to your marriage problems.

Gypsy Feet

My husband and I separated 4 or 5 years ago while we were both drinking heavily. We have tried several times to reconcile, we live under the same roof right now and we are both 5 months sober. I quit because I hate what alcohol did to me (and him) and I want to find a better me. He quit because I did, he still doesn't think there was a problem. He is one of the best friends I have ever had, but it appears we broke something somewhere along the line, and I am moving towards finding my own place now.
Just put yourself, your health and your sanity first and you will be o.k.

Wolfchild

Welcome to to the SR Community.

shaun00

sorry no experience of the issue.

but i do want to welcome you and i hope you find some useful feedback.

it cant be easy for either of you...................trucker

hazel06

Thanks for all of your replies. I have moved out of the house, I just couldn't handle the stress. His son was also living with us and drinking heavily. They were both drunk one night and my stepson brought a couple girls home from the bar and I kicked them out. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm living off of credit cards, but my attorney promises me it will be ok. No matter where I land, I know I will be ok as long as I am sober. He has said "Your Alcoholism is your problem". I replied "It needed to be our problem if we wanted to stay married."

Since I left Hazelden 3 yrs ago, the onl"y time we get along is when I relapse and try to "control" my drinking. LOL! I know only he can make the decision to quit. I offered to put the divorce off if he would check himself into Hazelden. He doesn't think we can afford it...the divorce attorney's will cost twice as much.

It is very peaceful living on my own, wish I would've done this 3 years ago!

Saavik

I quit drinking so I wouldn't end up in a divorce. I don't want a divorce but my drinking was hurting our marriage so badly that I was afraid it might end up that way.
So the drinking had to go. I tried to quit dozens of times before, but I'm hoping this time is IT. I feel like it is, but I'm not taking anything for granted. I'm an alcoholic, period, and always will be.
I just hope you will be okay, friend. Hang in there.
Purrs,
Saavik

jamdls

Welcome to SR Hazel, I've ended relationships because I wanted to get sober but my divorces were for other reasons. The most important thing is to take care of YOU and it sounds like you are moving in that direction. Stay strong.

9Iron

Hazel-

Thank you for your comments. I'm in a similar situation myself but don't want to hijack the thread so just want to say I'm right here with you.

joedris

Hi Hazel, I got divorced after I got sober, but my ex wasn't an alcoholic. And most divorces among alcoholics do occur after sobriety. As you said, you can't do anything about your husband's drinking, and it looks like he's not ready to do anything either. So I think you've made the right decision. You need to get on with your life and concentrate on your own sobriety.