Am I on the road to ruin?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 21
Am I on the road to ruin?
I know I have a drinking problem. I just don’t know if I’m blowing it out of proportion. I’ve talked to two close friends of mine and they think that I might be. But much as I love my friends, I don’t trust them on this because I feel like I can’t even trust myself anymore. Not when it comes to this topic. So I’m posting this here hoping to get some honest feedback from the forum.
There are some big red flags that are worrying me:
Anyway, I’m thinking about quitting for good now, but the thought of having no alcohol ever again bothers me.* Not only because I like wine, but also because I enjoy the camaraderie of sharing a bottle with friends. And I do wonder if I’m overreacting. I was a teetotaller for most of my life, and for the most part, my family rarely drinks. I’m also in a fairly strait-laced profession in which drinking is looked down on. So maybe all these factors are making me hypersensitive and paranoid. I can have a single glass of wine without wanting more and often will leave wine in my glass. And I also have a self-regulatory mechanism of falling asleep if I have more than four glasses. These are good signs, right?
But then I wonder if that’s my addictive voice talking. If I HAVE to have a bottom, I’d rather it be as high as possible and be able to quit while it’s still relatively easy. I’ve abstained for ten days now and I feel good. But I’m going out tomorrow and I find myself wondering if I can allow myself one or two drinks. I’ve even found myself rationalizing it as a Big Book test that I need to do for myself.
(IS that a legitimate test or am I reading it too literally?)
I’m confused and I don’t trust myself to be objective anymore. But I feel like I can trust this community. I’ve read many of your posts and the power of your individual stories have resonated deeply with me. I know there’s a lot of wisdom, experience, and compassion here. I also know that posters aren’t afraid to tell the truth. I’d be honoured to know what you think -- am I going to look back on this time and regret not quitting for good, or is controlling my drinking a reasonable response to the problems I’m seeing?
Thanks for taking the time to listen. After all this rambling, I feel like I should have chosen “Navel Gazer” as my handle.
*And the fact that this bothers me, bothers me!
There are some big red flags that are worrying me:
- I’ve done NIH’s on-line test and my 15 drinks/week definitely falls under the highest-risk category (~ an avg of 3 drinks, 5 times per week; occasionally having more than three drinks in a day).
- I find myself eagerly anticipating drinking and am less enthused about going places where there’s no alcohol.
- I lie about how much I drink. I’ll sneak a drink before going out, so I can order less when I’m in front of other people.
- I will sometimes have drinks at lunch.
- I scaled back my drinking twice in the last year and each time my intake has quickly crept back up.
- I hate to admit this, but...I’ve also driven without waiting for the buzz to wear off. (A few years ago I would NEVER have driven with even a single drink in me. Regardless of what happens with my drinking, this is definitely never going to happen again.)
Anyway, I’m thinking about quitting for good now, but the thought of having no alcohol ever again bothers me.* Not only because I like wine, but also because I enjoy the camaraderie of sharing a bottle with friends. And I do wonder if I’m overreacting. I was a teetotaller for most of my life, and for the most part, my family rarely drinks. I’m also in a fairly strait-laced profession in which drinking is looked down on. So maybe all these factors are making me hypersensitive and paranoid. I can have a single glass of wine without wanting more and often will leave wine in my glass. And I also have a self-regulatory mechanism of falling asleep if I have more than four glasses. These are good signs, right?
But then I wonder if that’s my addictive voice talking. If I HAVE to have a bottom, I’d rather it be as high as possible and be able to quit while it’s still relatively easy. I’ve abstained for ten days now and I feel good. But I’m going out tomorrow and I find myself wondering if I can allow myself one or two drinks. I’ve even found myself rationalizing it as a Big Book test that I need to do for myself.
(IS that a legitimate test or am I reading it too literally?)I’m confused and I don’t trust myself to be objective anymore. But I feel like I can trust this community. I’ve read many of your posts and the power of your individual stories have resonated deeply with me. I know there’s a lot of wisdom, experience, and compassion here. I also know that posters aren’t afraid to tell the truth. I’d be honoured to know what you think -- am I going to look back on this time and regret not quitting for good, or is controlling my drinking a reasonable response to the problems I’m seeing?
Thanks for taking the time to listen. After all this rambling, I feel like I should have chosen “Navel Gazer” as my handle.
*And the fact that this bothers me, bothers me!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
YOur "falling asleep mechanism" sounds like passing out to me. But mostly the fact that you think you may have a problem means you may indeed have a problem. Remember this, normal 'social' drinkers don't come to recovery forums asking questions about their drinking habits.
And alcoholism is progressive. It can only get worse, and you don't want a 'low' bottom, like a DUI or other bad events happening from drinking. I was blessed that I stopped when I did. Who knows what might have happened if I'd continued drinking.
When I began to think I might have a problem, I knew in my gut that I did. It took me many months to actually get and stay sober, and then I relapsed at over six months, and now am back over three months. But no doubt about it, my worst day sober is way better than my best day drinking.
Welcome to SR!
Read and post as you like and check out the many forums on different subjects. I'm glad you found us.
And alcoholism is progressive. It can only get worse, and you don't want a 'low' bottom, like a DUI or other bad events happening from drinking. I was blessed that I stopped when I did. Who knows what might have happened if I'd continued drinking.
When I began to think I might have a problem, I knew in my gut that I did. It took me many months to actually get and stay sober, and then I relapsed at over six months, and now am back over three months. But no doubt about it, my worst day sober is way better than my best day drinking.
Welcome to SR!
Read and post as you like and check out the many forums on different subjects. I'm glad you found us.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Hi and welcome! You are being brave, IMO, and deserve some credit for your willingness to look closely at your drinking.
Yes - you sound like you have a problem. To be honest, I've never read a single inquiry of your sort that didn't sound like the poster had a problem. That's because people who don't have a problem with alcohol don't usually come to a site like this and ask about their usage.
Everone will tell you that only you can decide if you're an alcoholic. I don't know that I agree with that. I think it's highly valuable if you are the one that recognizes the problem because it is true that only you can deal with the problem.
But you didn't really ask that question, did you? You asked, "Am I on the road to ruin?" My estimation is no. Because you are asking important questions and you will most likely prevent that so called ruin. You know the truth. Now your job is to accept it.
AA has been a life-saver for me. Even just reading the Big Book is life changing. Maybe try reading it - especially the first few chapters. No harm in reading it, right?
Good luck to you. I think you did an outstanding thing by posting here.
- mle
Yes - you sound like you have a problem. To be honest, I've never read a single inquiry of your sort that didn't sound like the poster had a problem. That's because people who don't have a problem with alcohol don't usually come to a site like this and ask about their usage.
Everone will tell you that only you can decide if you're an alcoholic. I don't know that I agree with that. I think it's highly valuable if you are the one that recognizes the problem because it is true that only you can deal with the problem.
But you didn't really ask that question, did you? You asked, "Am I on the road to ruin?" My estimation is no. Because you are asking important questions and you will most likely prevent that so called ruin. You know the truth. Now your job is to accept it.
AA has been a life-saver for me. Even just reading the Big Book is life changing. Maybe try reading it - especially the first few chapters. No harm in reading it, right?
Good luck to you. I think you did an outstanding thing by posting here.
- mle
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi and Welcome,
If you are unsure that you have a problem with addiction or not, why not try stopping drinking for a fixed period and see what happens? Set a period of no drinking for three months and see how you feel. You will likely get your answers.
If you are unsure that you have a problem with addiction or not, why not try stopping drinking for a fixed period and see what happens? Set a period of no drinking for three months and see how you feel. You will likely get your answers.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 118
You sound a lot like I used to be. All I can say is that non-alcoholics never ask themselves those questions. If you think you have a problem, you probably do.
You might be on the road to ruin. You might not. If you are, do you really want to get there before you realize that you wouldn't have gotten there if you had sobered up? "Ruin" in this case means your body is ruined. Your mind is ruined. Your career is ruined. Your family is ruined. Is it worth it to you for the buzz you get? The hangovers weren't worth it to me, now that I look at it honestly, let alone my marriage and career.
Alcohol is happy to chip away at you slowly, letting you think you're in control. It doesn't need to sledgehammer you, and the disease progresses at a different rate for everyone.
I'm nine days into sobriety, and it feels AWESOME!!!
You might be on the road to ruin. You might not. If you are, do you really want to get there before you realize that you wouldn't have gotten there if you had sobered up? "Ruin" in this case means your body is ruined. Your mind is ruined. Your career is ruined. Your family is ruined. Is it worth it to you for the buzz you get? The hangovers weren't worth it to me, now that I look at it honestly, let alone my marriage and career.
Alcohol is happy to chip away at you slowly, letting you think you're in control. It doesn't need to sledgehammer you, and the disease progresses at a different rate for everyone.
I'm nine days into sobriety, and it feels AWESOME!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Hi Lucid!
I dunno...if you think you have a problem then you probably do. There's more than one red flag there.
But, on the up side, I wish I had been as self aware and as ready to act as you are
I think some do get to choose our bottoms, while some of us (like me) have them chosen for us. The difference is action IMO.
I think as long as you're this open and honest the road to ruin is unlikely. Not everyone has to wait until they're drinking out of a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag.
Whether you decide you need more evidence, and whatever you ultimately decide, is up to you - but keep reading, and keep posting.
Welcome!
D
I dunno...if you think you have a problem then you probably do. There's more than one red flag there.
But, on the up side, I wish I had been as self aware and as ready to act as you are
I think some do get to choose our bottoms, while some of us (like me) have them chosen for us. The difference is action IMO.
I think as long as you're this open and honest the road to ruin is unlikely. Not everyone has to wait until they're drinking out of a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag.
Whether you decide you need more evidence, and whatever you ultimately decide, is up to you - but keep reading, and keep posting.
Welcome!
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Portugal
Posts: 104
I would be very surprised if anyone here would say - "Dont worry about it you're fine" because it doesnt take long to go from where you are to somewhere a lot worse.
That you are thinking about these things now is fantastic! And it gives me hope that you aren't on the road to ruin.... if you keep watching and being aware.
The red flags you have are worrying.... and I would watch out if I were you because of those.
So ok you sometimes leave wine in the glass... but other times you sneak a drink in before going out - so you don't drink as much in front of your friends. This to me says you are chasing a buzz from the alcohol as opposed to just sharing a social drink with friends. The problem is that buzz becomes more elusive as time wears on and that 2 or 3 drinks then needs to be 4 or 5..... it doesn't take a genious to figure out the consequences of this progression.
Just remember the One Day At A Time thing.... thinking about never ever having a drink ever again is just too overwhelming and faced with that your addictive mind will come up with all sorts of reasons why you are fine to just keep drinking.
I wish you all the best!
That you are thinking about these things now is fantastic! And it gives me hope that you aren't on the road to ruin.... if you keep watching and being aware.
The red flags you have are worrying.... and I would watch out if I were you because of those.
So ok you sometimes leave wine in the glass... but other times you sneak a drink in before going out - so you don't drink as much in front of your friends. This to me says you are chasing a buzz from the alcohol as opposed to just sharing a social drink with friends. The problem is that buzz becomes more elusive as time wears on and that 2 or 3 drinks then needs to be 4 or 5..... it doesn't take a genious to figure out the consequences of this progression.
Just remember the One Day At A Time thing.... thinking about never ever having a drink ever again is just too overwhelming and faced with that your addictive mind will come up with all sorts of reasons why you are fine to just keep drinking.
I wish you all the best!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Hi Lucid, Your "symptoms" make for a tough call. Some but not all of the things I would look for in an alcoholic. I would suggest that you stop drinking as Anna did that you stop drinking for a while and see how easy or hard it is to do. I'd also suggest that you sit in on some AA meetings. You'll learn a lot there and may be able to identify w/
some stories you hear. In the end only you can make that decision as to whether or not you're an alcoholic. You may fall into the category of "alcohol abuser". Im either case, however, you should quit drinking. But try AA and see what you think.
some stories you hear. In the end only you can make that decision as to whether or not you're an alcoholic. You may fall into the category of "alcohol abuser". Im either case, however, you should quit drinking. But try AA and see what you think.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 124
Thank-you for a well-expressed share. Your very first statement suggests you are NOT on the road to ruin. The road to ruin usually begins with "I DO NOT have a drinking problem." You will surely receive some very supportive and helpful feedback here. I know I usually do. I just wanted to commend you on your honesty and willingness to confront your concerns.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 21
Thank you all for your warm welcomes and thoughtful responses. After posting, I felt a little sick about admitting all this stuff in public, even anonymously, but I feel so much better now. I have a lot of food for thought here, but at the same time, you’ve made my decision easier. I really can’t take the risk of pushing this further. I’m nervous about taking a three month break (another red flag!), but I feel ready to commit to at least one month to start.
least, the first line of your post blew my mind. All this introspection and it hadn’t even occurred to me that my falling asleep could be passing out. It puts a whole new slant on things because it means a) I’m less in control than I think I am, and/or b) have less insight than I thought.
Thanks, mle-sober, and to everyone else who also pointed this out. It's good for me to hear. I’ve talked myself into thinking that my situation might be unique, but why do I think I’m so special? Thinking I'm somehow immune to all the negative and predictable consequences of drinking is just...stupid. I have to wise up and accept that red flags don’t mean collect more data, they mean I have to respond. Now. Like people have pointed out, addiction moves fast and I’m shocked at how quickly my thinking and behaviour have changed these past three years.
So far I’ve found SR and Rational Recovery to be enough, but I’m seriously considering going to an AA meeting this Saturday. Hearing people’s stories face-to-face would be very powerful.
Congratulations!!! That’s fantastic.
Thanks again, everyone. I feel stronger and more committed than ever.
least, the first line of your post blew my mind. All this introspection and it hadn’t even occurred to me that my falling asleep could be passing out. It puts a whole new slant on things because it means a) I’m less in control than I think I am, and/or b) have less insight than I thought.
To be honest, I've never read a single inquiry of your sort that didn't sound like the poster had a problem. That's because people who don't have a problem with alcohol don't usually come to a site like this and ask about their usage.
I'd also suggest that you sit in on some AA meetings. You'll learn a lot there and may be able to identify w/ some stories you hear.
I'm nine days into sobriety, and it feels AWESOME!!!
Thanks again, everyone. I feel stronger and more committed than ever.
Disposable Hero
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Being, ME
Posts: 3,758
Welcome to the SR Community!! Thank you for staying sober today!!
Focusing on not drinking for the rest of your life is like making a mountain out of a speed bump! Sucessful sobriety is not measured in days, weeks, months, or years. The quality of my life improves every day i am clean and sober for each moment i have to live it. You didn't become an alcoholic in one day did you? It took a bit of time of continually chosing to drink before you became aware that you might have a problem. Now that you are abstinent, you can decide not to take that first drink. This is the begining of spiritual freedom that will get stronger if you give it a chance. We all need each others help to stay clean one day at a time and i thank you for helping me today.
Focusing on not drinking for the rest of your life is like making a mountain out of a speed bump! Sucessful sobriety is not measured in days, weeks, months, or years. The quality of my life improves every day i am clean and sober for each moment i have to live it. You didn't become an alcoholic in one day did you? It took a bit of time of continually chosing to drink before you became aware that you might have a problem. Now that you are abstinent, you can decide not to take that first drink. This is the begining of spiritual freedom that will get stronger if you give it a chance. We all need each others help to stay clean one day at a time and i thank you for helping me today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 21
Focusing on not drinking for the rest of your life is like making a mountain out of a speed bump! Sucessful sobriety is not measured in days, weeks, months, or years. The quality of my life improves every day i am clean and sober for each moment i have to live it.
We all need each others help to stay clean one day at a time and i thank you for helping me today.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 100
"I hate to admit this, but...I’ve also driven without waiting for the buzz to wear off. (A few years ago I would NEVER have driven with even a single drink in me. Regardless of what happens with my drinking, this is definitely never going to happen again.)"
Good call! I can tell you FIRST HAND that you don't want to get caught, either.
It's VERY ugly, and messes up your entire life...
I wish you well on recovery, and remember, it's just a drink...
Good call! I can tell you FIRST HAND that you don't want to get caught, either.
It's VERY ugly, and messes up your entire life...
I wish you well on recovery, and remember, it's just a drink...
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Lucid first of all let me welcome you to SR. You say:
I bolded what experience has taught me to be a red flag. You see there was a time years before I finally quit when I had the same fears in my head about my drinking. I was always negotiating with myself deals to determine if I had a problem or not. During the 30 thru 35 year portion of my drinking I was REALLY starting to feel I had a problem and would one time decide I would moderate my drinking, I would limit myself to a 6 pack, I would be successful at that for a few days and decide "Well no one has griped at me when I only drink 6, so I may as well drink 8!". I would drink 8 a day for a few days and no one would gripe so then I would bump it up to 10....... then suddenly I would find myself not being able to stop at 10, I was off to oblivion again!!!
Well the mederation was a failure so then I would decide "Well I can't control it, so I must be like my dad and grand fathers who were both recovered alcoholics so I better quit drinking!" Well I would go without a drink for a week or a month and decide "There is no way I am an alcoholic, an alcoholic can not go that long without a drink!" So of course I would celebrate my not be an alcoholic by drinking again!!!
I did the above until at about the 35 year point of my drinking I crossed an invisible line! I was no longer able to NOT drink, for the next 5 years I did not draw a sober breath until I went into detox and then into AA.
Lucid you sound like me years ago, as already mentioned alcoholism is a progressive disease with no cure, but it can be arrested by total abstinance.
That being said whether you are an alcoholic or not especially at this point can only be determined by you, now here is a link to another test that may help you decide. Alcoholics Anonymous : Is A.A. For You?
Answer honestly and keep in mind the disease is progressive. At the age of 18 I would have answered at least 4 of the questions YES, at 52 which is the age I finally quit I would have answered 11 of them with a YES and I know that if I had kept on drinking I would have ACED the test!
I can tell you this, if you are not an alcoholic you could without a second thought just decide I am never drinking again and it would not matter to you one way or another. My wife is not an alcoholic, I have been sober over 2 1/2 years now and during that time frame my wife has had 4 drinks and before I quit it was rare she drank. A drink to her is kind of like a desert after a nice dinner out.
Quitting at this stage of the game for you will be easy, if you are an alcoholic the hard part will be staying stopped.
As an alcoholic who has been where you seem to be at right now I would fully understand if you decide that drinking is not really a big enough problem to where quitting is needed. If you do make that decision I would encourage you to be vigilante in honestly keeping an eye on your self.
I’m nervous about taking a three month break (another red flag!), but I feel ready to commit to at least one month to start.
Well the mederation was a failure so then I would decide "Well I can't control it, so I must be like my dad and grand fathers who were both recovered alcoholics so I better quit drinking!" Well I would go without a drink for a week or a month and decide "There is no way I am an alcoholic, an alcoholic can not go that long without a drink!" So of course I would celebrate my not be an alcoholic by drinking again!!!
I did the above until at about the 35 year point of my drinking I crossed an invisible line! I was no longer able to NOT drink, for the next 5 years I did not draw a sober breath until I went into detox and then into AA.
Lucid you sound like me years ago, as already mentioned alcoholism is a progressive disease with no cure, but it can be arrested by total abstinance.
That being said whether you are an alcoholic or not especially at this point can only be determined by you, now here is a link to another test that may help you decide. Alcoholics Anonymous : Is A.A. For You?
Answer honestly and keep in mind the disease is progressive. At the age of 18 I would have answered at least 4 of the questions YES, at 52 which is the age I finally quit I would have answered 11 of them with a YES and I know that if I had kept on drinking I would have ACED the test!
I can tell you this, if you are not an alcoholic you could without a second thought just decide I am never drinking again and it would not matter to you one way or another. My wife is not an alcoholic, I have been sober over 2 1/2 years now and during that time frame my wife has had 4 drinks and before I quit it was rare she drank. A drink to her is kind of like a desert after a nice dinner out.
Quitting at this stage of the game for you will be easy, if you are an alcoholic the hard part will be staying stopped.
As an alcoholic who has been where you seem to be at right now I would fully understand if you decide that drinking is not really a big enough problem to where quitting is needed. If you do make that decision I would encourage you to be vigilante in honestly keeping an eye on your self.
Newbie
Join Date: May 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 109
Originally Posted by Tazman53 
I was always negotiating with myself deals to determine if I had a problem or not. During the 30 thru 35 year portion of my drinking I was REALLY starting to feel I had a problem and would one time decide I would moderate my drinking, I would limit myself to a 6 pack, I would be successful at that for a few days and decide "Well no one has griped at me when I only drink 6, so I may as well drink 8!". I would drink 8 a day for a few days and no one would gripe so then I would bump it up to 10....... then suddenly I would find myself not being able to stop at 10, I was off to oblivion again!!!
Well the mederation was a failure so then I would decide "Well I can't control it, so I must be like my dad and grand fathers who were both recovered alcoholics so I better quit drinking!" Well I would go without a drink for a week or a month and decide "There is no way I am an alcoholic, an alcoholic can not go that long without a drink!" So of course I would celebrate my not be an alcoholic by drinking again!!!
Well the mederation was a failure so then I would decide "Well I can't control it, so I must be like my dad and grand fathers who were both recovered alcoholics so I better quit drinking!" Well I would go without a drink for a week or a month and decide "There is no way I am an alcoholic, an alcoholic can not go that long without a drink!" So of course I would celebrate my not be an alcoholic by drinking again!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: West Palm Beach, Fl
Posts: 142
Hi Lucid,
My ex-husband has had 4 DUI's, lost his license (continued to drive), blacks out regularly and now has one of those gizmo's that you have to breathe in to start the car.
He has been drinking for as long as I have known him. When we were married, I used to find bottles hidden everywhere.
He doesn't think he has a problem and "likes himself the way he is". So if you feel that you may have a problem, you probably do.
My ex-husband has had 4 DUI's, lost his license (continued to drive), blacks out regularly and now has one of those gizmo's that you have to breathe in to start the car.
He has been drinking for as long as I have known him. When we were married, I used to find bottles hidden everywhere.
He doesn't think he has a problem and "likes himself the way he is". So if you feel that you may have a problem, you probably do.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by lucid
I’m nervous about taking a three month break (another red flag!), but I feel ready to commit to at least one month to start.
Reading the first few chapters of AA Big Book is a great idea. You can find it online. Doctor's Opinion, There is a Solution, and More About Alcoholism will lay out all the criteria for being an alcoholic.
In there, you will find the suggestion that most alcoholics can't leave it alone for a year. Not three months, but a year. Almost everybody I know can hold their breath for a month. And when they are successful at a month of not drinking, they reinforce the delusion of control.
Do you always drink when you want and how much you want? Not sometimes, but always?
As far as the driving under the influence thing, I swore that was a line I would never cross. But as my alcoholism progressed, it became a daily habit. That was before the first of my multiple DUI arrests. Part of the crazy thinking that goes along with the progression of alcoholism is the abilty to justify and rationalize just about any behavior if it gets us what we want. Enter the world of absolute selfishness and incomprehensible demoralization.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
As things progress, we all cross lines we never thought we would. Drinking and driving was a line you had.. do you have a next line?
Ya know.. you mentioned you think/thought you were unique, you're not. But a lot of people think this way, and I totally understand it. In AA they refer to it as Terminal Uniqueness, however I'm not versed enough on the topic but I think putting those two words togther might explain enough. I don't use AA in my recovery, but there's a lot of good stuff in there to ponder.
Are you overreacting? NO.. many things you wrote are classic signs of trouble.
You do NOT have to hit any 'bottom'. That is not true, and some of the most dangerous thinking I read on here.. everyone's waiting til they are 'as bad' as someone else, or until they lose their job, get a dui, yada yada. Why do that? You can stop now and prevent ALL of that from happening. I drank just like you do.. and then it progressed as it always does (see we aren't unique..), until I almost killed myself.
Oh, and yeah.. as someone already said.. the wine isn't triggering your body's sleep mechanism, it's depressing your central nervous system into unconsciousness. You're passing out. I get 10x better sleep now that I can trip my own mechanisms..er something.
Glad you're looking at all this.. I would hate to see you back here in a year (that is actually really really typical), having had a DUI, or increased drinking and experiencing health problems, or something. It does happen, every single day. But you're in control of that. How important REALLY is that 'bottle between friends'?
Your drinking is seeming very important to you, that alone is it's own red flag.
Others will tell you here, one day at a time.. that works for a lot of people, but for me it was like hanging a proverbial carrot in my face. I had to come to a "for good" decision, and all the brain damage about thinking of my next drink was gone.
Ya know.. you mentioned you think/thought you were unique, you're not. But a lot of people think this way, and I totally understand it. In AA they refer to it as Terminal Uniqueness, however I'm not versed enough on the topic but I think putting those two words togther might explain enough. I don't use AA in my recovery, but there's a lot of good stuff in there to ponder.
Are you overreacting? NO.. many things you wrote are classic signs of trouble.
You do NOT have to hit any 'bottom'. That is not true, and some of the most dangerous thinking I read on here.. everyone's waiting til they are 'as bad' as someone else, or until they lose their job, get a dui, yada yada. Why do that? You can stop now and prevent ALL of that from happening. I drank just like you do.. and then it progressed as it always does (see we aren't unique..), until I almost killed myself.
Oh, and yeah.. as someone already said.. the wine isn't triggering your body's sleep mechanism, it's depressing your central nervous system into unconsciousness. You're passing out. I get 10x better sleep now that I can trip my own mechanisms..er something.
Glad you're looking at all this.. I would hate to see you back here in a year (that is actually really really typical), having had a DUI, or increased drinking and experiencing health problems, or something. It does happen, every single day. But you're in control of that. How important REALLY is that 'bottle between friends'?
Your drinking is seeming very important to you, that alone is it's own red flag.
Others will tell you here, one day at a time.. that works for a lot of people, but for me it was like hanging a proverbial carrot in my face. I had to come to a "for good" decision, and all the brain damage about thinking of my next drink was gone.
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