TOPIC: If Something Is Troubling You Bring It Here. SR Is Always Here To Help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
TOPIC: If Something Is Troubling You Bring It Here. SR Is Always Here To Help.
Hi Im Sharon and Im an alcoholic.
By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a drink of alcohol
since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
Did you know that if u have a situation,
problem, trouble, you can always ask
for help here on SR.
You will always find someone who has
been through a similar situation that
can help you and allow u to not
feel alone.
Why does the neighbor next door
want to call my husband and ask if
he can help her?
She's a nurse of some sort living by
herself as far as i know. The house
is her parents who are elderly. They
gave it to her and possibly live with
her from time to time.....
The problem is....where is her boyfriend?
Why doesnt she get her family to help her
find someone to get her a new roof?
My husband and I did the foot work and
found the person to put us a new roof
up in a few weeks.
Im thinking this curly headed chick is
looking for a father figure to help her.
Ok, im jealous. And insecure from time
to time. However im strong enough to
stand on my own 2 feet when needed.
Why am I so jealous of her? I was jealous
of the neighbor family back in Houston too.
Seems as tho my ex husband had no
problems with them and thus took their
side when something went wrong or we
had a dispute.
He was more cordial to them and that
pizzed me off.
Now im going thru the same thing
again in this marriage.
I keep thinking if i were in her shoes,
i surely wouldnt horn in on someone
elses husband.....well, let me back
up just a tad....i did have a long
relationship with a married man
when i was married and so miserable.
When i was drinking it didnt matter
if the man was married or not, if i
wanted him i would get him.
I know during my drinking that that
was wrong, but what the heck. Then
the guilt took over big time.
Today it is all about being open
and honest.
Anyway....i recall my mom telling
me face to face to stay away
from my dad because he was hers
and thus contributed to problems
with men and authority figures in
the past.
Im just aggivated at the fact that
this chick can call my husband anytime
she wishes if she needs help.
And because i have another good
hearted man as my husband he cant
see that it is wrong that a neighbor
can call for help with finding a roofer.
Why couldnt she take the info from
the sign we have in our front yard
and call those people herself.
But nooooooo she calls to ask my
husband for info on our roof and what
and how we went about getting a roofer.
So he proceeds to tell her our business
and that pisses me off.
Yes he knows how i feel about her and
he shared just what i think u guys will
tell me too.
This is an issue within myself and I
wish i wouldnt act this way or feel
so insecure or selfish.
All i want to do is live my life peacefully
with know one disturbing me.
Thanks for letting me unload my
problen here with u guys even if
u dont say a word.
By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a drink of alcohol
since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
Did you know that if u have a situation,
problem, trouble, you can always ask
for help here on SR.
You will always find someone who has
been through a similar situation that
can help you and allow u to not
feel alone.
Why does the neighbor next door
want to call my husband and ask if
he can help her?
She's a nurse of some sort living by
herself as far as i know. The house
is her parents who are elderly. They
gave it to her and possibly live with
her from time to time.....
The problem is....where is her boyfriend?
Why doesnt she get her family to help her
find someone to get her a new roof?
My husband and I did the foot work and
found the person to put us a new roof
up in a few weeks.
Im thinking this curly headed chick is
looking for a father figure to help her.
Ok, im jealous. And insecure from time
to time. However im strong enough to
stand on my own 2 feet when needed.
Why am I so jealous of her? I was jealous
of the neighbor family back in Houston too.
Seems as tho my ex husband had no
problems with them and thus took their
side when something went wrong or we
had a dispute.
He was more cordial to them and that
pizzed me off.
Now im going thru the same thing
again in this marriage.
I keep thinking if i were in her shoes,
i surely wouldnt horn in on someone
elses husband.....well, let me back
up just a tad....i did have a long
relationship with a married man
when i was married and so miserable.
When i was drinking it didnt matter
if the man was married or not, if i
wanted him i would get him.
I know during my drinking that that
was wrong, but what the heck. Then
the guilt took over big time.
Today it is all about being open
and honest.
Anyway....i recall my mom telling
me face to face to stay away
from my dad because he was hers
and thus contributed to problems
with men and authority figures in
the past.
Im just aggivated at the fact that
this chick can call my husband anytime
she wishes if she needs help.
And because i have another good
hearted man as my husband he cant
see that it is wrong that a neighbor
can call for help with finding a roofer.
Why couldnt she take the info from
the sign we have in our front yard
and call those people herself.
But nooooooo she calls to ask my
husband for info on our roof and what
and how we went about getting a roofer.
So he proceeds to tell her our business
and that pisses me off.
Yes he knows how i feel about her and
he shared just what i think u guys will
tell me too.
This is an issue within myself and I
wish i wouldnt act this way or feel
so insecure or selfish.
All i want to do is live my life peacefully
with know one disturbing me.
Thanks for letting me unload my
problen here with u guys even if
u dont say a word.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by aasharon90 
...
Why does the neighbor next door
want to call my husband and ask if
he can help her?
...
I keep thinking if i were in her shoes,
i surely wouldnt horn in on someone
elses husband.....well, let me back
up just a tad....i did have a long
relationship with a married man
when i was married and so miserable.
...
And because i have another good
hearted man as my husband he cant
see that it is wrong that a neighbor
can call for help with finding a roofer.
...
Why does the neighbor next door
want to call my husband and ask if
he can help her?
...
I keep thinking if i were in her shoes,
i surely wouldnt horn in on someone
elses husband.....well, let me back
up just a tad....i did have a long
relationship with a married man
when i was married and so miserable.
...
And because i have another good
hearted man as my husband he cant
see that it is wrong that a neighbor
can call for help with finding a roofer.
...
It doesn't sound to me like she's "horning in" on your relationship with your husband. I wish all neighborhoods were friendly like this and that we knew each other and could talk and visit and share information. That's a good thing.
It does sound to me like you have a history that would make this difficult for you - starting with your mom telling you that about your dad. She should be ashamed. I'm sorry that this is a hard thing for you. But you're right - it's about you, not them.
You threaton your marriage more by your unjustified jealousy, than your neighbor does by her inquiries.
Let's even go so far as to say that she's lonely. Then your compassion and friendship are called for. Could you try befriending her?
- Emilie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
Thanks Emilie for ur thoughts. They r
much appreciated.
Yes I could be nice to her.
I do have to remember that Im the new
one in the neighborhood. My husband
knew her well before i came along.
He told me that before his wife passed
away from illness, there was some trees
limbs that fell in the girls yard and he
went over with his saw to help remove
them out of her yard.
I dont think she has much of a life out-
side her job as a nurse...but it shouldnt
be my place to take her inventory.
She walks her little poodle that looks
like her...lol.... down the side walk right
in front of our home chatting on her cell
phone.
I never see a man at her place. So she
comes across to me as a someone spoiled
or looking for attention.
I know...its wrong of me to talk about
people like that.....and i do try to remind
myself that when ever i see faults in
others then its the same faults I have
in myself.
I just wouldnt nor couldnt call a married
man who lives next door to me an ask him
if he could help me even if his wife was
sitting right there.
Thats pretty bold of her to do that dont
u think?
Yes my mom was and still is sick and no
i dont associate with her anymore sad
to say. It's amazing that what parents
say to their little ones growing up and
how it can affect their entire lives.
That's why i was especially carefully
with what i did and said while raising
my 2 kids.....And they grew up into
2 remarkable young adults to be very
proud of.
much appreciated.
Yes I could be nice to her.
I do have to remember that Im the new
one in the neighborhood. My husband
knew her well before i came along.
He told me that before his wife passed
away from illness, there was some trees
limbs that fell in the girls yard and he
went over with his saw to help remove
them out of her yard.
I dont think she has much of a life out-
side her job as a nurse...but it shouldnt
be my place to take her inventory.
She walks her little poodle that looks
like her...lol.... down the side walk right
in front of our home chatting on her cell
phone.
I never see a man at her place. So she
comes across to me as a someone spoiled
or looking for attention.
I know...its wrong of me to talk about
people like that.....and i do try to remind
myself that when ever i see faults in
others then its the same faults I have
in myself.
I just wouldnt nor couldnt call a married
man who lives next door to me an ask him
if he could help me even if his wife was
sitting right there.
Thats pretty bold of her to do that dont
u think?
Yes my mom was and still is sick and no
i dont associate with her anymore sad
to say. It's amazing that what parents
say to their little ones growing up and
how it can affect their entire lives.
That's why i was especially carefully
with what i did and said while raising
my 2 kids.....And they grew up into
2 remarkable young adults to be very
proud of.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Central, La.
Posts: 422
Sharon
It is uncanny how we in recovery find ourselves dealing with very old and powerful character defects. As we move through recovery a day at a time we are afforded the gift of our HP, group, whatever. It is in these places we are able to speak of these defects while praying and meditating on them. Know this; you are not alone in these feelings. I am dealing with something parallel. Old emotions/defects which go so far back they become obscured by time, jealousy, envy, fear, in the face of our recovery where did these things come from? They may go unnoticed until the right trigger comes along and BAM!, there you are wondering what the h..l just happened and where did it come from. Here is where you can speak and take away some of it's power. Here is where speaking of it again and again sucks the life out of it so what is left is the memory and knowledge without the intense emotional pain associated with it. So say what you have to say and know you are working closer to what you strive to be, free of character defects, moving forward in recovery, helping others by sharing these things, and living life on life's terms.
“Our heart glows, and secret unrest gnaws at the root of our being. Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.” Carl Jung
Hang in there! PM me if you want.....
It is uncanny how we in recovery find ourselves dealing with very old and powerful character defects. As we move through recovery a day at a time we are afforded the gift of our HP, group, whatever. It is in these places we are able to speak of these defects while praying and meditating on them. Know this; you are not alone in these feelings. I am dealing with something parallel. Old emotions/defects which go so far back they become obscured by time, jealousy, envy, fear, in the face of our recovery where did these things come from? They may go unnoticed until the right trigger comes along and BAM!, there you are wondering what the h..l just happened and where did it come from. Here is where you can speak and take away some of it's power. Here is where speaking of it again and again sucks the life out of it so what is left is the memory and knowledge without the intense emotional pain associated with it. So say what you have to say and know you are working closer to what you strive to be, free of character defects, moving forward in recovery, helping others by sharing these things, and living life on life's terms.
“Our heart glows, and secret unrest gnaws at the root of our being. Dealing with the unconscious has become a question of life for us.” Carl Jung
Hang in there! PM me if you want.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
This is a good place for me to unload
what bothers me from time to time.
Dont think that just because i have a
number of years sober that Im cured
of my disease. Cause im far from it.
However I do remain teachable to learn
better ways to make my life brighter
and more manageable.
We did talk about what transpired last
night and how each of our days went.
He was miserable worried about me and
I went on with my day stuffing feeling
inside and trying to justify if it was
my fault or his.
Maybe a 3rd party would help us when
situations like this crop up. So we may
hook up with a councilor so we will
better know how to handle this if it
happens again.
Our marriage is important to us and
for 2 people in recovery we can use
all the knowledge and wisdom of others
shared with us to help us stay strong
and caring in this marriage.
Thank you SR for being here for me.
You are much appreciated.
what bothers me from time to time.
Dont think that just because i have a
number of years sober that Im cured
of my disease. Cause im far from it.
However I do remain teachable to learn
better ways to make my life brighter
and more manageable.
We did talk about what transpired last
night and how each of our days went.
He was miserable worried about me and
I went on with my day stuffing feeling
inside and trying to justify if it was
my fault or his.
Maybe a 3rd party would help us when
situations like this crop up. So we may
hook up with a councilor so we will
better know how to handle this if it
happens again.
Our marriage is important to us and
for 2 people in recovery we can use
all the knowledge and wisdom of others
shared with us to help us stay strong
and caring in this marriage.
Thank you SR for being here for me.
You are much appreciated.
Newbie
Join Date: May 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 109
Originally Posted by aasharon90
Anyway....i recall my mom telling
me face to face to stay away
from my dad because he was hers
and thus contributed to problems
with men and authority figures in
the past.
me face to face to stay away
from my dad because he was hers
and thus contributed to problems
with men and authority figures in
the past.
I think having a third party involved is a great idea, maybe a marriage therapist. I hope you can try to resolve the situation Sharon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
Thanks Wednesday for sharing ur
thoughts with me. They and u
are much appreciated.
I get mad at myself when situations
like this still crop up. Especially
at my age.
Id think by now this stuff would
be over and done with. However
as u see Im still dealing with
certain issues within myself.
I think what really burns me up
is the fact I allow trauma that
I went thru as a child to come
back to haunt me even this many
yrs later.
Adults that abuse children makes
me sick inside. It's just wrong.
No child should ever have to
endure such pain....NOT A CHILD.
And what still hurts me the
most is when the adult has told
u to forget the past and move on
with ur life like as if nothing had
happened.
I just want to scream at them
and say U HURT ME. A Child....
How could you. Not a child.!
Yes it still hurts and yes it has
cause me problems in all aspects
of my life. Relationships, jobs....
And now im sick and tired of this
coming back to haunt me at 50
yrs old....
Forgive those that pursecute you.
Thats what i fall back on when i
hurt inside....just to think of our
Lord who was beaten down for
just being kind.
One of these days Ill have the
key that will unlock that pain
I still have deep inside of me.
Enough already, right?
I think I have too much time on
my hands right now to think
which is not good until I go thru
hip surgery June 1st.
Hang in there sharon...lol
thoughts with me. They and u
are much appreciated.
I get mad at myself when situations
like this still crop up. Especially
at my age.
Id think by now this stuff would
be over and done with. However
as u see Im still dealing with
certain issues within myself.
I think what really burns me up
is the fact I allow trauma that
I went thru as a child to come
back to haunt me even this many
yrs later.
Adults that abuse children makes
me sick inside. It's just wrong.
No child should ever have to
endure such pain....NOT A CHILD.
And what still hurts me the
most is when the adult has told
u to forget the past and move on
with ur life like as if nothing had
happened.
I just want to scream at them
and say U HURT ME. A Child....
How could you. Not a child.!
Yes it still hurts and yes it has
cause me problems in all aspects
of my life. Relationships, jobs....
And now im sick and tired of this
coming back to haunt me at 50
yrs old....
Forgive those that pursecute you.
Thats what i fall back on when i
hurt inside....just to think of our
Lord who was beaten down for
just being kind.
One of these days Ill have the
key that will unlock that pain
I still have deep inside of me.
Enough already, right?
I think I have too much time on
my hands right now to think
which is not good until I go thru
hip surgery June 1st.
Hang in there sharon...lol
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Sharon, have you sat down and done an HONEST inventory on this? What you have shared is telling me something:
Is it possible that you fear the old you in her?
Do you find some one viewing your husband as a father threatening?
Why?
Could it be she is not interested in a boy friend?
Are you REALLY? Didn't you say your ex took the neighbors side? Is your present husband taking her side? In reality what is her side?
Please do not think I am being a male chauvinist pig, but could it be that she asked your husband about the roof because in most families the men take care of things like that and she is simply seeking some help?
Sure does not sound like there is any thing for you to worry about to me. Sharon take inventory on this and if need be seek out the counseling.
i did have a long
relationship with a married man
when i was married and so miserable.
relationship with a married man
when i was married and so miserable.
Im thinking this curly headed chick is
looking for a father figure to help her.
looking for a father figure to help her.
Why?
The problem is....where is her boyfriend?
Now im going thru the same thing
again in this marriage.
again in this marriage.
Please do not think I am being a male chauvinist pig, but could it be that she asked your husband about the roof because in most families the men take care of things like that and she is simply seeking some help?
He was miserable worried about me and
I went on with my day stuffing feeling
inside and trying to justify if it was
my fault or his.
I went on with my day stuffing feeling
inside and trying to justify if it was
my fault or his.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
Last afternoon in the middle of
our discussion i recieved a txt.
message. We reflected on that
text this morning still in aw about
it.
Why u ask.....well it's amazing
how our HP works in our lives.
The txt was from a concerned
fellow AA friend just asking if
I was ok.
That txt came just at the right
time it was suppose to.
It gave both of us a breaking point
to stop a moment and take the
focus off of the problem and
allow us to laugh....yep ur right
we laughed about it.
Why....well when he asked who
txted, i responded and laughed
and said, "now we're even."
He got the call from the neighbor
girl the day before and i from a male
AA friend then.
We could have really blown this
out of proportion yet with our HP
doing for us when we needed help
we then laughed which eased our
tension taking the focus off our
problem for a moment.
Thanks to our HP and this program
of recovery there isnt anything we
solve together and the end result
is nothing short of a miracle.
our discussion i recieved a txt.
message. We reflected on that
text this morning still in aw about
it.
Why u ask.....well it's amazing
how our HP works in our lives.
The txt was from a concerned
fellow AA friend just asking if
I was ok.
That txt came just at the right
time it was suppose to.
It gave both of us a breaking point
to stop a moment and take the
focus off of the problem and
allow us to laugh....yep ur right
we laughed about it.
Why....well when he asked who
txted, i responded and laughed
and said, "now we're even."
He got the call from the neighbor
girl the day before and i from a male
AA friend then.
We could have really blown this
out of proportion yet with our HP
doing for us when we needed help
we then laughed which eased our
tension taking the focus off our
problem for a moment.
Thanks to our HP and this program
of recovery there isnt anything we
solve together and the end result
is nothing short of a miracle.
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