robc

I stopped drinking a little over three months ago. My initial plan was to go 30 days and evaluate where I was and decide if I wanted to try to drink moderately. I have not had the urge to drink or a reason so I have not drank up till last night. I saw two of my best friends that I have not seen in a long time and felt like it was a good time for me to test myself. Over a four hour period, I drank 1 1/2 beers. I enjoyed my first one, but had no desire to even finish my second one. Around 5 am I felt so nauseous. I felt like I was going to throw up for an hour and have felt a little sick all day. Is it possible that 1 1/2 beers could do this or is it just a coincidence? Are there any people that tried drinking moderately (relapsed) and felt really sick the next day? I am happy to say that I have no urge to drink and will probably not drink again for a while.

Dee74

Well I'm not a Dr - but remembering earlier posts, I'm guessing you might feel a little sick and anxious about drinking again?

I did this many times - had a period of abstinence then 'tested the water' and was pleasantly surprised to find I drank responsibly, didn't get drunk, and didn't really enjoy it.

So next time, or the time after, I'd try the 'experiment' again....without fail, eventually, I was back to full strength carnage.

Our addiction is both devious and patient.

Just curious - what did you need to test yourself over?

D

Mattcake

After several months of ongoing sobriety, I realised that I'd grown to intensely dislike alcohol. But that didn't stop me from relapsing, though.

I don't think that feeling sick after consuming is a coincidence - alcohol in any amount is a powerful substance. Maybe kicking it for good might be an idea worth considering?

Jules62

Hi Rob,

I think 'testing the waters to see if you could moderate your drinking' might be a really bad idea.Let me refresh your memory a bit-here's a quote from your first post here...

I never wanted to accept I was an alcoholic either.I tried desperately to moderate for months and all that happened was I'd obsess even more about drinking till the acceptable time came(5pm) that I could drink.Then I'd go overboard...

Feeling sick after one and a half beers might just be a sign your liver isn't as healthy as you think it is after the previous drinking you've been doing-but I can't say really, I'm not a doctor.

It just disturbs me a bit that you're thinking you can 'test this out' when it's pretty clear the reason you came here is because you were concerned about your drinking and it's still an issue with you obviously.

I wish for you this was all under control.But just have a think about what drove you to come to SR in the first place....and more importantly?Know that you are among friends.We get it.It pretty much sucks to admit?But it also brings freedom in the end.I hope you find it.

Jules.

JJB

Interestingly enough I had a similar experience to you when i relapsed. i didn't enjoy the taste and it made me very very sick.(literally)
If the conclusion to be drawn is i'm probably allergic to alcohol so best without it fine.
if the conclusion is that means I don't have a problem with alcohol then that's irrational.
I obviously do have a problem with alcohol-it makes me very very sick in all senses of the word.
I also agree with Dee and another good friend SR member on this forum who warns of the devious nature of alcoholism. ("the disease is just doing press-ups in the car park during our sobriety"thanks Dime!)
Do not let this experience lull us into a false sense of security.
If any other food or drink which exists in the supermarket was widely known to be extremely bad for your health, i didn't like the taste of and it made me sick, i can't think why i would possibly buy it or put it into my mouth so i'm trying to work on some rational thinking on this one.

Anyway interesting thread. I'm realizing more and more day by day how alcohol had conditioned my brain to function in a most irrational way and i'm now working on trying to correct that.
By posting here it helps me to remember that and therby fight the irrational way of thinking alcohol had inflicted on me.

Tazman53

In my mid 20s I quit for a year and a half, well I started again, in no time I was right back where I had left off, possibly worse! This time I was follishly convinced that if I could go 1 1/2 years without a drink that I was in complete control and could quit drinking any time no problem!

27 years later I found myself in detox for my alcoholism! Oh yea I had control.... NOT!!!! Alcohol had me, it owned me!!!

Was that 27 years a relapse? Heck I do not know, I made a decision that I was in control of my alcoholism and my alcoholism showed me who was really in control and it damn near killed me.

Cunning, baffling, & powerful! You bet, for many years I thought I was in control and could quit when ever I put my mind to it, alcohol proved to me that it was in control, not me.

Ask your self if normal people find it important to drink at all? Ask your self if there may be a reason why you find it important to drink?

CarolD

Yes.....my body rejected the toxin alcohol ..I threw up the
first drink each time I returned to drinking after sober periods.

I threw up the first time I got drunk.

I also threw up the first breakfast drink at the end of my drinking.

But what the heck....alcoholics keep drinking despite physical damage.
That's why many alcoholics die.

I finally quit killing myself ..I no longer drink alcohol.
I strongly suggest you do the same Rob.
You have more serious symptoms than I did.

flutter

This is going to sound harsh, but I know that there's been a few threads talking about the Intervention Episode about Lawrence Ryan. He was an alcoholic, drank a lot of vodka.. had bad liver tests, and went to rehab. He was sober for that month, and for 3 weeks after he got out of rehab. Then he picked up again, and died from esphageal bleeding, a side effect of cirrhosis of the liver. He knew his liver was "bad", but figured the 7 week break healed it. You can find the show on youtube and the like.. scare the hell out of me, but I also know it's the point of the show.. and for anyone wanting to see it, if you haven't seen Intervention before, there are using/triggering type scenes, so go with care.

That being said, and remembering your scary first posts.. it's no wonder that you got sick. You had bad liver tests, that's looking death in the face, and now you're kicking dirt in it with your "test". I bet on some level the anxiety about drinking again made you sick, but also, alcohol is a toxin, it's supposed to make you sick.

Isn't it amazing how strong the hold that addiction has over us sometimes? Read your first posts.. you were looking at an untimely demise (you can't live without your liver.. but I'm sure you know that!) at the time you came here, if you didn't quit, and you still drank again. That is how powerless we can be, about something as seemingly simple as "a beer" (and a half). A lot of us did the same. Many of us never make it back, and I hope that you do.

coffeenut

I thought I had a handle on it 30 years ago, too. I had to damn near drown before I could admit I couldn't drink anymore.

30 years of hell is the price I payed for that mind game.

Anna

I agree with what the members have said to you in their posts.

I KNOW this disease is relentless and will never stop looking for a way in.

And, like Carol, I relapsed and felt sick when I had that 'first' drink, but I continued.

keithj

True enough. But the real scary part is the way he can rationalize and justify it. See!? I passed my test. I have no desire for it! I'm OK!

I "passed" many similar tests in my long path to recovery, and still found myself utterly demoralized, hopeless, and drunk at times when I just couldn't figure out how I got there.

The fact is, that the original poster was fully informed of the dire mortal consequences of taking a drink, and he still took a drink. All of the minimizing in the world does not change that fact.

And he thinks it's OK. Cunning, baffling, and powerful indeed.

robc

Those were some great responses. I completely remember why I originally quit drinking and definitely never want to feel that way again. There is no doubt I was abusing alcohol and never really thought about the damage it was causing or how dangerous it can be. There is no doubt that I suffered from withdrawals, dehydration and caused my liver to be overwhelmed. These were things I knew nothing about and now I do. I guess I am wondering if I was being completely irresponsible or if the alcohol was in control? I guess I am not convinced I am an alcoholic. If I am, then I will undoubtedly get back into drinking heavily and have terrible side effects that will cause me to quit drinking again. If I am not, then I will be able to have a drink every once in a while. Either way, I currently do not have a reason to drink or the desire to drink. So for now, I will take it one day at a time. If the alcohol caused me to feel sick, then it is pretty likely that I will be staying away from it. I am not going to use the fact that I did not abuse drinking as an excuse for me to go out and drink. I have planned from the beginning to take 30 days off and go from there. From everything I have read, it sounds like anyone that is on this site that tried to drink moderately failed. I wonder how many people not on this site have been successful? My guess is very few, but I think it is just one of those things that you need to experience yourself before you truly believe. I have to admit that I am enjoying my sobriety and will continue on this path for now.

Wolfchild

While i appreciate the committment that you have made, i'm concerned that the only facts you have about drinking is your own experience. Wouldn't you like to make an informed choice about whether you want to to keep drinking or if you indeed have a problem with alcohol? Why not stop by an AA meeting or two and pick up some pamphlets? They may be able to give you a bit more clarity regarding your decision about alcohol.

Dee74

double post

Dee74

Been there Rob.

I just had 'a bad patch', I had a lot of problems and a life full of valid reasons to drink...everyone else seemed to do it so I was damn sure I'd find a way to just 'enjoy a drink or two' too.

I tried for 15 years.

For the last 5 years (literally) I drank all day everyday - and I still wasn't an alcoholic by my reckoning.

Every new week was gonna be the week I found the key to successfully moderating my drinking.

Forget about whether you can or you can't moderate (I'll bet you can't but nothing I can say will stop you).....when you look back at all the damage alcohol has done to you, and you can still rationalise that there might be a place for 'a drink every once in a while' in your life' ?

You're hooked Rob - and I wish you luck, cos I reckon you're gonna need it.
D

Tazman53

True, if you can quit drinking before you die! I have never heard a single alcoholic who relapsed for any length of time say it was easier to quit because they had done it before..... exactly the opposite, the more relapses the hardewr it was every single time to stop again. I have been in recovery for less then 3 years and have already seen folks go out and never make it back.... oh yes they did quit drinking, they don't serve liquor 6 foot under.

smacked

From your original post:
From yesterday:
THAT is what scares the hell out of me for you, and for anyone one else around here in total and complete denial. I don't care honestly if you're an alcoholic or not, we've played with what qualifies to be, what doesn't ad nauseum around here. If your liver is bad, and you drink, you will die. You might not be an alcoholic, but I would venture to guess that if you were told the news that your drinking was quite literally killing you and you're STILL struggling (like many alcoholics do) with the fact that you still want to drink... there might be something there to ponder for a bit more than a month.

Of course you'll drink when and if you want to, everyone does.. it's free will. Most alcoholics and addicts die from using, unfortunate fact.

keithj

robc,

Most of us have been where you are. We tried to moderate and failed. We found that it was an all or nothing deal with drinking. But, I have to agree with you, my own experience, not the stories of others, was the best teacher.

"We told him what we knew about alcoholism. He was interested and conceded that he had some of the symptoms, but he was a long way from admitting that he could do nothing about it himself. He was positive that this humiliating experience, plus the knowledge he had acquired, would keep him sober the rest of his life. Self- knowledge would fix it."
AA Big Book, Chapter 3

coffeenut

Rob, if we could have that cold beer every now and again, this forum wouldn't be here.

You're playing with fire. I do wish you luck. I hope it doesn't take you 30 years to get real.

robc

I think everyone has made very valid points and I am not going to argue against any of them. There is one correction that I would like to make. I do not have a damaged liver and if I did, then I would not drink period. I had an abnormal liver function because I drank too much during a short period of time. I was tested three weeks later and it was fine. The fact that I drank so much to have a bad liver function is absoutely terrible and there is no excuse. My health is currently fine and I am not dying. I appreciate the tough love because I feel too many people on here are too easy on people. I always read how someone relapses and they only say Whoops, but I will not beat myself up over it and kind of laugh and act like it is not that big of a deal. I will continue to listen to the input on here and really think about what I plan on doing. I am not ignoring people or thinking I have all of the answers. I am not even denying that I am an alchoholic. I am just unsure. I realize the logical argument would be "why chance it?" I am not sure. I don't plan on using my experience of only drinking less than two beers as an excuse to go out and drink. I don't plan on drinking anytime soon and will think about the consequences when the time comes. If having a beer is going to make me feel sick, then I don't want one.