ziggydiggy8

So, I have officially declared myself fully recovered, I don't hurt and I am feeling great and getting out and enjoying my sunny days. But, my boyfriend hasn't quite, our lives are becoming more and more separated because he would rather get high and sleep all day. I miss him, but I feel lonley and wish to get out there and meet people, but to meet people I don't feel like saying I have a boyfriend at home, because that entails that I am with this person. I won't cheat on him, but I don't feel like I am dating him, I feel like I am dating the drug.

I am so happy and so sad right now, I am happy for myself...I BEAT THIS THING, and I did it all alone, I feel so strong and empowered. But, then there is this gap that is widening between us and I just don't know how to get it through to him that he needs to stop, I don't have a job right now, because I am moving, I already spent all my money on the drug then I decided that I can't do this anymore and quit, but he keeps spending all the money he makes. We have bills to pay and no money...I wish I could get him to just quite, I was doing it as long as him.

kj3880

Ziggy,
Do you want to post this againin the substance abuse or friends and family? You'll get more responses if you do.
Welcome!

Love,
KJ

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you have decided to live a sober life.

I hope that your boyfriend will see, from your example, that it is something that would be good for him too. But, as I'm sure you know, he will have to decide that for himself.

Amazonqueen522

Thanks for your share I am going through a similar thing, my bf and I are in two different planets right now, its fustrating but hang in there, the answer will come.

SurviveIt

Not to nitpick, but you're never "recovered." That monkey will follow you around looking for an opportunity to jump on your back. I had five years sober, then I blew it for 13 years. Now I'm sober again, and I'm never going to say I'm recovered.

As for your boyfriend, he sounds like he might be a threat to your recovery. Maybe time to tell him to shape up or ship out.

Rob B

Seeing as how we are notnickpicking, you will not take offense in hearing that I too am recovered, the problem has been removed. You could read about it in a blue book titled Alcoholics Anonymous. For the record, Recovered does not mean cured.

gerryP

I am recovered and cured.

Drinking alcohol is not an option no matter what might jump in my path. End of story.

Mary52

I am forever "in recovery." Being clean and sober is one thing. Living a life of recovery is an ongoing process.

mle-sober

Ziggy,

Hooray for your new life! Hooray! You have every right to feel victorious and wonderful. I hope you continue to use whatever skills you used to free yourself from addiction and that you experience a lasting and wonderful clean and sober life.

People worry whenever anyone seems too confident and independent in their recovery. Because many of us relapse or lose our way. And many of us found recovery with the help and support of others. So when someone says, "I did it and I did it alone!" it raises red flags.

I think you have every right to experience your recovery in whatever manner you experience it. I hope that, along the way (and since you're here) you'll read other people's experiences and gain experience, strength and hope from them.

As for your boyfriend. I would, personally, give him a clear ultimatum. Give him a chance and then let him go if he doesn't get clean. Having a boyfriend who is doing drugs will not support your recovery. That's just my opinion.

Good for you and keep up the good work! Every clean addict or sober alcoholic is a miracle.

shaun00

for me i dont feel a monkey follows me around waiting to jump on my back...
it was the old timers that told me they had recovered that gave me the inspiration to give this AA a go..
My dear wife bought me a book that said on the first page...we of alcoholics anonymous are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body.

And if i read on they were gonna tell me precisely how they have recovered

i didnt need a cure....me and alcohol were finished....i could carry on drinking but bottom line is it wasnt working anymore.
i did however need a program to live with "me"....and change.
stopping i could do........living the "big picture" i couldnt...not without rounding of the edges anyhow...

trucker

CALYNN

Hi - just thought I'd share with you something positive. My Mom has been sober for over 5 years while living with my stepdad who is a "functioning" alcoholic. She decided that she never wanted to drink again and she hasn't, despite her husband. 2 years ago she almost filed for divorce, but decided to stay because she loves her home and her life (and her husband when he's sober). It's a choice and I guess it depends on your situation, but what your BF does doesn't necessarily have to put a wrench in your sobriety. I know a BF is different from a husband, but it also depends on how much you have invested in the relationship and how much you love him.

Congrats and good luck to you both. I hope everything works out well for you.

mle-sober

I know many people over on the Friends and Family Forum who spent years trying to change their spouses and get them sober by the strength of their love and the committment they had to the relationship. Their regret, anger, bitterness, and resentment simmers.

Even when they thought they were excepting their spouse or SO, they were secretly hoping and praying for change. And the change doesn't come from any amount of effort on their part.

It can be hugely draining to your quality of life. Even if you yourself never had, or have another, problem with drugs or alcohol.