rover

well i am starting to take advice. thursday night my husband got a dui from being passed out in his truck along side the road. they had to laser him twice. next day he said he was done drinking and saturday he said he will quit on his own. well come sunday we had a birthday party for my daughter at his sister's. he showed up half drunk and kept drinking and made a complete ass out of himself. me and the kids stayed at his brother's. we are now at monday morning and he had the nerve to say to me "what did i do?" told him to pack up and get out till i get home. said he wasn't leaving, so we will see what the rest of the dat brings. keep you all posted. thanks for the support.

isurvived

Uggggh. I feel for you. This is the stuff that put knots in my stomach. Looking back, I can't decide if the day of the drunken events were worse for me to get through, or the day after which you are facing now.

I'm familiar with the "what DID I do?" response. It's part of the denial and a way to turn the focus on you and your response and get it off of them.

Pelican

(((Rover)))

Sorry you are going through this mess. You need to get some safe space for yourself and your children. Do you think your brother-in-law or sis-in-law could talk him into staying with them for a few days?

If you can get the A to agree to a few days out of the house, you may be able to get a lawyer to help make it a more permanent seperation.

Your safety is a major concern. You can not predict the actions of an active A. He has shown violence towards others already. Do you have the resources to take yourself, children and pets out of the house for a while?

Board the critters if you have too, but you need to protect yourself and your children. Distance yourself from any potential over reactions.

Also, I would recommend keeping copies of the DUI and anything else a lawyer might need to prove "habitual alcohol consumption".

Take care of You!

Freedom1990

I agree with Pelican in keeping you and those children safe!

Please keep in touch with us! :ghug :ghug

ItsmeAlice

Keep your chin up. It sounds like he's not really at his bottom yet if he's still questioning what was wrong with his actions and why you want to stay away from him.

I'm thinking of you today.

Alice

rover

Nothing has really changed. Has had the children in truck with him while drinking, i was at work. so had to go back to my old job so i know they will be safe with a babysitter. says he is not going to change for me but thinks he has made improvements for the kids. says he won't kiss my *** anymore to keep our family together. Still thinks there is nothing wrong with his drinking. Missed another day of work again last week. Why do i love him so much? i have started packing, knowing i can not back down this time. will be very hard to do. thank you all for the support. also to let everyone know my father passed away june 9th. i was with him at the hospital when he died. very very hard. did not get much support at home.

Pelican

Huges to you (((((Rover))))

I'm sorry to hear about your father, and also I am sorry to hear that things have not improved at home.

Take care of you and keep us posted.

rover

thanks pelican

Still Waters

So sorry to hear about your Dad rover

Hang in there, we're here for you...keep us posted on how it's going.

ItsmeAlice

((((Rober))))

I wish there was something I could say that would bring you peace. You've lost someone dear to you and that is a pain only time can ease. Add that to the ongoing struggle you are having at home, and your pain only compounds.

Clearly your AH remains unwilling to address his problem even to ensure the safety of his own children. I know you love him, but is loving him worth the risk to your children's lives, or your own chance at real love in this lifetime???

Alice

FreeBird09

So sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. It is very sad that your AH is unable to be a support to you at the time when you need him the most. BECAUSE of his inability to be decent your strength will grow in leaps and bounds especially since you have to hold strong when all you want is a caring mans arms around you and time to let your guard down and grieve for your Dad. My prayers are with you.

TakingCharge999

rover, just offering some ((hugs))

Please accept my condolences during this difficult time.

Remember you do not have to go through all this alone - reach out to family, to close friends, a therapist if you can, Al anon, religious members - I am thinking about you tonight.

Learning how

I'm so sorry for your loss. Just keep moving ahead one step at a time.

Keep yourself and your kids safe. :praying

rover

thank you all for your support. not having a good day. feeling very lonely. my ah had a sober day yesterday and still feels he isn't doing anything wrong and i am the bad guy for wanting to break up his family. now he thinks he has a mental issue but can't do anything till september till his insurance is in effect for a year. know what i need to do but just hard to do.

Still Waters

It is hard, I know. One step at a time rover. Remember that it doesn't have to be permanent, if he works on recovery it might be that you can think about more in the future.