Success Story
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 108
Success Story
I've been here on and off for the last two years. That's when we discovered that our then 19 year old daughter was on heroin. It took a while, but she now has nearly ten months of sobriety.
She was home from college for the summer sleeping all day and belligerent all the time. We were still clueless about her addiction. We did not know what was wrong with her.
One day she had a seizure in the house which we later realized was an overdose. She came to us to tell us she was on heavy drugs and needed help. Over the next year, she spent seven months in four rehabs and various other programs, but was still persistently relapsing.
She relapsed out of one of the last rehabs while we were on a trip. The house was locked to her and we didn't know where she was anyway. She spent four days on the street sleeping in an alley.
She wanted to go to a sober living house instead of another rehab. We didn't believe she would last, but with nowhere else to send her, we got her into one. She relapsed in less than a week.
The rule was she could come back if she spent three days in detox. She had walked out of detoxes before, so we were shocked when instead of trying to come home, she went to detox and was readmitted to the sober house. She then spent nine months there and has now come home. She now has nearly ten months of sobriety.
Are things perfect? No. She was caught stealing at work not long ago and lost her job. She has not worked the steps as much as she could. In some respects, she is a dry drunk, but she is determined not to use again. She knows the hell of being on the street. She has seen other addicts that she was friends with die.
We were speaking with one of her counselors last week. He told us that some kids her age that get clean do a really good program, but most are like her. They become sober, but don't do the kind of recovery program that they should. It takes a few years of learning lessons the hard way.
Be that as it may, I'm thrilled that she wants to stay sober, and I'm no longer worried about getting a midnight call from the hospital or the police. She's smart and I do believe that in time she will wise up in those areas where she still hasn't gotten it.
What would I advise? Always tell them you love them. Addiction hates love. You may know you love them, but you have to say it.
She spent more time in out-patient programs than she did in rehabs. Out-patient programs are often overlooked, but they are far less expensive than rehab, and for some people more effective. Our daughter did not get sober until she got out of rehab. She hated rehab and one of her reasons for staying sober is fear of going back. In other words, for her, rehab worked better when she was determined to stay out of it.
Don't enable and don't rescue, even if that means putting them on the street. For us, the choice of locking her out was easier than it is for most. She had overdosed in the house, so the danger of her dying in the house was just as real as the danger of her dying on the street.
Always support. No matter how bad things got, she always knew the door was open to her if she was willing to get into treatment. When she was in rehab, we always showed up on visiting day. It was surprising to me how many parents didn't show up.
Don't argue. Spell out clear boundaries and enforce them, but don't argue about them.
When it came to my own actions, I've often asked myself if I was enabling, rescuing, or supporting or just plain being codependent. My decisions became more clear once I asked those questions.
Go to Al Anon. Al Anon will not give you advice on dealing with them, but it will show you how to have loving detachment. It will allow you to stop obsessing on them and find peace with yourself. More than one person has said that once you find serenity, the situation with the addict often unexpectedly improves. Addiction loves a fight. If you can find your own serenity, you may find that you don't fight with them as often.
She was home from college for the summer sleeping all day and belligerent all the time. We were still clueless about her addiction. We did not know what was wrong with her.
One day she had a seizure in the house which we later realized was an overdose. She came to us to tell us she was on heavy drugs and needed help. Over the next year, she spent seven months in four rehabs and various other programs, but was still persistently relapsing.
She relapsed out of one of the last rehabs while we were on a trip. The house was locked to her and we didn't know where she was anyway. She spent four days on the street sleeping in an alley.
She wanted to go to a sober living house instead of another rehab. We didn't believe she would last, but with nowhere else to send her, we got her into one. She relapsed in less than a week.
The rule was she could come back if she spent three days in detox. She had walked out of detoxes before, so we were shocked when instead of trying to come home, she went to detox and was readmitted to the sober house. She then spent nine months there and has now come home. She now has nearly ten months of sobriety.
Are things perfect? No. She was caught stealing at work not long ago and lost her job. She has not worked the steps as much as she could. In some respects, she is a dry drunk, but she is determined not to use again. She knows the hell of being on the street. She has seen other addicts that she was friends with die.
We were speaking with one of her counselors last week. He told us that some kids her age that get clean do a really good program, but most are like her. They become sober, but don't do the kind of recovery program that they should. It takes a few years of learning lessons the hard way.
Be that as it may, I'm thrilled that she wants to stay sober, and I'm no longer worried about getting a midnight call from the hospital or the police. She's smart and I do believe that in time she will wise up in those areas where she still hasn't gotten it.
What would I advise? Always tell them you love them. Addiction hates love. You may know you love them, but you have to say it.
She spent more time in out-patient programs than she did in rehabs. Out-patient programs are often overlooked, but they are far less expensive than rehab, and for some people more effective. Our daughter did not get sober until she got out of rehab. She hated rehab and one of her reasons for staying sober is fear of going back. In other words, for her, rehab worked better when she was determined to stay out of it.
Don't enable and don't rescue, even if that means putting them on the street. For us, the choice of locking her out was easier than it is for most. She had overdosed in the house, so the danger of her dying in the house was just as real as the danger of her dying on the street.
Always support. No matter how bad things got, she always knew the door was open to her if she was willing to get into treatment. When she was in rehab, we always showed up on visiting day. It was surprising to me how many parents didn't show up.
Don't argue. Spell out clear boundaries and enforce them, but don't argue about them.
When it came to my own actions, I've often asked myself if I was enabling, rescuing, or supporting or just plain being codependent. My decisions became more clear once I asked those questions.
Go to Al Anon. Al Anon will not give you advice on dealing with them, but it will show you how to have loving detachment. It will allow you to stop obsessing on them and find peace with yourself. More than one person has said that once you find serenity, the situation with the addict often unexpectedly improves. Addiction loves a fight. If you can find your own serenity, you may find that you don't fight with them as often.
Mr.MeToo?
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: East Coast to the Deep South
Posts: 828
thanks for posting this, I hope all the parents on this board wake up tomorrow and read that people can and do recover.
Great advice as well, especially the telling us(addicts) that you love us. When I was in active addiction and my mother would tell me this it always stung me deep down. Couldn't comprehend how I was being so hurtful to somebody who had nothing but unconditional love for me.
thanks again for sharing this!!
Great advice as well, especially the telling us(addicts) that you love us. When I was in active addiction and my mother would tell me this it always stung me deep down. Couldn't comprehend how I was being so hurtful to somebody who had nothing but unconditional love for me.
thanks again for sharing this!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Thank you for your message of hope. Reality is that addiction rarely has a fairy tale ending where the addict sees the light and never uses again, but watching her win the struggle has got to warm your heart.
I will keep your daughter in my prayers, that she may stay on a good path and move forward in her life.
Hugs
I will keep your daughter in my prayers, that she may stay on a good path and move forward in her life.
Hugs
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
WOW, Thanks for sharing the good Experience you learned through the tough times.
I too have been here a couple of yrs. and what a diff. a couple of yrs. can make.
Our kids are both doing well; My AS has been sober almost a yr. & now resides at a sober liv. home after 12 mos. of inpatient.
We hoped for this day back then, but had doubts it would come.
In the mean time we didn't give up and we got busy workin' on ourselves.
I can say, I am better for the experience.
My son is coming home for a one wk. visit in June after being gone for a year and a half.
I am very excited!
May all of us keep growing in recovery. "Progress not perfection"
Yea, for your daughter!
I too have been here a couple of yrs. and what a diff. a couple of yrs. can make.
Our kids are both doing well; My AS has been sober almost a yr. & now resides at a sober liv. home after 12 mos. of inpatient.
We hoped for this day back then, but had doubts it would come.
In the mean time we didn't give up and we got busy workin' on ourselves.
I can say, I am better for the experience.
My son is coming home for a one wk. visit in June after being gone for a year and a half.
I am very excited!
May all of us keep growing in recovery. "Progress not perfection"
Yea, for your daughter!
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