How to get help for a family member?

Old 05-24-2009, 10:14 AM
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How to get help for a family member?

I have a brother in law that has a problem with drinking.He goes through 3 bottles a week and a 12 pack a night and on the weekends he start drinking at 8 o clock in the morning.Now my wife,her mother and his wife all thinks he has a major problem but the father does not but he drinks a lot too.They do not know that i have a problem with taking drugs only my wife does so how can i step in and get him help he needs.I honestly think he will not do anything unless his father says he has a problem and gets help as well because they are very close to each other.I know they have a lot more meetings for AA than NA so he could have plenty of chances to go it is just getting him to admitt he has a problem and go.Any help would be appreciated,please nothing negative.
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Old 05-24-2009, 11:53 AM
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same planet...different world
 
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Hi, Dragonheart -

I notice there's been several people come in and look at this thread, but no one has answered you yet.

I would like to direct you over to the 'Friends and Family' forum - and the stickies at the top if that forum for some answers. There's a wealth of wisdom and knowledge over there of people who daily cope with the topic of your post.

Personally, it's ben my experience that nothing can be done until the person WANTS something different.
That knowledge throws the 'ball' back in OUR court and the question them becomes -
"How do *I* deal with MY problem with someone's drinking problem.

and that is the whole kit-n-kaboodle of the AlAnon program.

I hope that helps.
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Old 05-24-2009, 12:56 PM
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cmc
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dragonheart,
I hope you will drop in for a visit in the Friends & Family forum to see how others have dealt with the same situation.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information


To find an Al-Anon meeting near you:
How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
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Old 05-24-2009, 04:53 PM
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I am sorry to see this situation.

I moved your post to this Forum...Friends & Faamily of Alcoholics
so more members will see it and share with you.

All my best.....
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Old 05-24-2009, 05:11 PM
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Hello dragonheart,

I'm glad Carol moved you over here, and I sure do understand your concern. You sound like you care what happens to this man, and all of us here know how hard this is.

But sadly, it is impossible to "get someone help" if they don't yet recognize or admit that they have a problem. And if it's going to require his father telling him, and his father has no intention of doing so, then you have placed yourself in an unworkable situation. You can't magically open his eyes -- he has to suffer the repercussions of his choices and decide on his own that he wants to change his life.

No one could make you want to quit drugs until you were ready. No one can make him stop drinking until he's ready.

And at that point, if he asks you for your help, you can decide whether to offer it (in my humble opinion).

What are your brother-in-law's wife's boundaries? Is she willing to stay in this situation? Does she enable him? Is she involved in Al-Anon? If not, I'd suggest it to her. Sometimes we can help more by aiding those who are willing to seek support, rather than beating our head against the brick wall of those who aren't.

Hugs to you ((dragonheart))
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Old 05-25-2009, 08:07 PM
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Thank you for your replies.I hope that he wakes up soon and gets help because God knows he needs help just as much as i do.
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