whereami

Why is it so difficult, after being through so much hell with an addict, to move on? I have a guy who is willing to take me fishing, cook dinner for me and take me to church on Sunday and yet all I can think is, why doesn't my ex do more, why doesn't my ex know how special we are. It is literally eating me away. I went NC with my ex for 2 days and felt really good, but the minute a new person says hi I feel scared. I also don't want to completely let go because somewhere in the back of my mind I remember how clever, cute and personable the ex was when he was good and yet consistent, nice, and sweet seem so boring. I know my brain is warped I want to have a nice normal life so why am I sabatoging a great possibility for a nice friend for that loser in my past? Can anyone relate??:ghug

liesagain

One thing that I learned while dealing with my AHs addiction is its NOT really about him. Its me, I picked him because he was somehow broken and I needed something to fix, I needed to be needed.

NOW, he didnt look broken not on the outside but he was all the same.

this is sort of what codependency is all about.

Have you read codependent no more by Melody Beattie? Thats a good starting point.

best wishes, someone should be along soon with more help

whereami

I have checked it out from the library ...maybe I need to again. I just want to get straight in my head and be healthy in relationships and not feel like I need a man.

cmc

This a good resource: Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.

Abundance

Another good book




btw -- that isn't me in the pic.

But...... I am reading it after it being referred to me here - and I'm finding a lot of those answers in that book. It doesn't mean you are addicted to sex... which is why I was worried about reading it - cause I felt I was setting myself up for something that was untrue about myself. But the truth is - I am addicted to a lot of things... or I should say - that there have been patterns in my life that really explain why I have chosen the path I have.

And to answer your question - why? Only you know that answer!