Hope87

Hello everyone,

Hope everyone is doing well or as good as can be expected

I'm looking to maybe start going to face to face meetings in my area. I just don't know how to approach my AB about me going to meetings. I know...I know this shouldn't be an issue. When we very first got together, he had mentioned Nar-Anon meetings to me, but I never thought of going because I did know that much about addiction and didn't really understand why I needed it or think I needed to go. I obviously never attended any of those meetings, just some of his NA meetings to get some insite and support him. I just don't know how to bring it up to him or tell him where I'm going when I walk out the door to attend a meeting. I'm worried he say things like "why are you going now all of a sudden?, You don't trust me...you think I'm using!" and whatever else he could come up with. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated

By the way...since I won't be around...hope you all have a great memorial day weekend! Try to find some peace and relax in the sun!

Freedom1990

First of all, I work hard not to predict the future, or second-guess what someone's reaction is going to be to something I am going to do.

I find honesty is the best policy.

"I'm going to a meeting because I need recovery for myself."

Now if they choose to view that as a suspicion of them using again, that's completely on them, as is any potential reaction they might have. You are not responsible for his reaction to you heading out to a meeting.

Does that help any?

My weekend is going to be a leisurely one!

:ghug :ghug

Hope87

Yeah, I see what you're saying....and that is exactly it. There shouldn't have to be a Heavy conversation to just go to the gym...or meeting for that matter. I know what you mean about getting there too. I've been putting it off for close to 3 months. It's always next week then next week comes and goes and I say the same thing the following week. And I sure as hell really don't need the added stress like you mention. I need to just go regarless of the questions that may be brought up or how he feels about it. If anything, he should look at it as a good thing and not a conspiracy against him. I think I need this.

ksaun

Good for you, just keep doing what you need to do for you.

winnie12

Why dont you just say "i've been thinking about how you suggested i go to meetings of my own a while back - i think i think i might give it a try and see if i like it." that way its his suggestion and you dont have to explain yourself.

Suspicious

One of the reasons I havent pursued NA meetings for myself is I am also worried that H will use the whole "you dont trust me" thing on me. The other part is that my 'work' sched is completely unpredictable and it is super hard if not impossible to try to work any kind of appointment into my calendar. Since I am trying to start my own business so that I will have my own income if / when the time comes then I have to weigh the level of importance... blow of a client to attend a meeting so that I can be mentally ready to leave when I finally have enough money or put off face to face meetings so that I can build up my own finances.

But back to the 'you dont trust me' attitude, I was actually told recently by my H that if I didnt stop stressing about if he is taking pills again that it would only make him feel that if he is going to be blamed for it he might as well do it. I asked him does that mean he only quit taking them because I wanted him to? He said no. I told him then why would you risk that for your own self???

And just for the record, YES I immediately recognized his argument as bs... only a person who doesnt think that something is harmful would even consider the stance of 'might as well do it if I am gonna get blamed'.
I see loud and clear the warning signs of those words.

Good thing I signed a client last week and got a call from another person today that wants to sign as a client the 1st wk of next month. Yay Me!!! Now if I can just get a paycheck out of it LOL!!! My business is growing and I know that if I stay focused on it and not the chaos that follows my H around (picturing the cloud of dust that followed Pigpen around on Charlie Brown) that it will continue to grow and grow and before I know it money will be one worry I dont have.