gowest

Can people who have Alanon sponsors share how they decided to pick that sponsor?

Did you pick some one whose personality was similar to your own? different? doesn't matter?

I'd also be interested in people's experiences where they felt they picked the "wrong" sponsor.

I've been going to Alanon for a while now and starting to feel ready to take that next step.

Does it matter if your sponsor isn't in your "home" group? Or does it matter if they are in your home group and eventually you can no longer attend those meetings due to work schedule changes?

Also, I know that your sponsor needs to be the same sex as you are but what about sexual orientation?

Any people who are a sponsor but do not have one right now are welcome to chime in too.

thanks everybody

FunnyOne

Well, I never felt the need to...because I found this board and I knew that 24/7 someone would be on and would help me stop obsessing. I suppose it depends on how destructive your codie behavior is, it might really help to have face to face, but I feel I am already getting to know the active members of this board icon to icon!

nowinsituation

I picked a sponsor in my home group, and she helped me immensely with some major issues going on at that time (not related to my XAH -- but some other relationship issues). I am confident I picked who I was supposed to at that time. But now, I feel a bit of disconnect with her; and I'm not sure how to address it. I'm really interested in hearing experiences of people who changed sponsors. Recently her work hours changed, and she is not available to talk in the evenings so it makes it difficult to call her. I've asked her a few times (via email) to let me know when in general is a good time to call; and she has not given me an answer. Also, sometimes I am uncomfortable sharing at the meetings just based on the fact that I am sharing in general; and knowing I will be sharing with her more specific information. I don't know -- maybe this is another learning experience I need to go through!

LarryATL

I would have preferred to pick my sponsor from my home group, but there was only one male that was a potential sponsor for me and I didn't feel a connection to him. So on a whim I visited another meeting and after a 10 minute conversation with a gentleman after the meeting, I knew I had found my man.... HP was obviously at work on this one for me!

My sponsor has helped me a great deal, both in providing one-on-one perspective that you can't really get in the meeting, and in helping me work the steps. I took a long time in the program before I asked and found a sponsor, but I highly recommend it.

As to what I was looking for in a sponsor, I followed the advice I'd heard to find someone who has what you want.... and ask them. For me that meant someone who had experienced the same situation (wife as qualifier), had been in the program a while and had worked the steps, and someone who had obvious peace, serenity.

I do think that having a same-sex sponsor is important, though I don't think sexual orientation should be a show-stopper. Depends on your situation I suppose, and what you are looking for in a sponsor (how important are similar background/circumstances to you) ?

Hope that helps.

ICant

My sponsor is about 25 years older than myself so I guess I was looking for a mother figure. Very serene, has good recovery. But what got me was that she was similar enough to me. She came to Al Anon when she had just left her husband and she had two children similar ages to mine. She was the grandchild of alcoholics, like me. I was told that even midway through the steps I could change my sponsor. I'm not worried about offending anyone because I figure if they had a good level of recovery they would be able to deal with somebody swapping and would be able to not take it personally.