Are they serious or justy plain stupid?????
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Lost in Ca
Posts: 253
Are they serious or justy plain stupid?????
Okay... I have been doing well. Taking care of me and MY kids. I have really been trying to put all the negative thoughts and people out of my head. As you know I kicked my husband out... but he refused to leave....so, in my mind we r just roomates paying the bills we created together. In his mind we are a happily married couple. DUH what is he thinking.
Now yesterday his marriage counselor sister (never been married and doesn't have a degree in counseling) says that I am a weak person and they both I and him are afraid of leaving each other. I tell her let me get it straight I'm not afraid to do anything...but, my school year is endiong and I have the kids and he is more than welcomed to leave..."I've asked him numerous times" She relies by saying that he's not going anywhere your his security blanket and beside you are the reason he's doing these things.........I ALMOST BLEW A GASKET.........WHAT THE HE** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! We live in a beautiful home. drive nice cars, motorcycle (Harley), have great jobs and I made him do it.....So I started having a little sarcasm...So he did it because I cheated, lost my job, ran away with a man, got the kids taken by DCS, spent all the money, and starved the kids to death.
Are you an idiot or what I asked her I have never done anything to deserve the treatment that I am getting nor have my children. I have been an ideal wife and mother he would even tell anybody that..... I'm a hard worker and get the job done. The sad part is that his sister and I were best friends long before we started dating. His whole family is in denial about his drug use, they just keep saying that hes doing all of theses bizarre behaviors because he doesn't want me anymore. Now please understand he does have a drug wh*** but, she buys the drugs for them by prostituting. This is the same girl I have a restraining order against. Believe me I got a restraining order because I was tired of her harrassing me and my kids. She would call at all times of the night waking up my 2yo and then the final draw was when she was sitting outside my house on two occassions. This is why I got the restaining order NOT because of jealousy. She still calls and comes by with the order in place (crazy girl...she's also been in a mental institution) My moto is you can have him JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!
See she even called last night with her number restricted. When I heard her voice I immediately hung up. I often don't awnser restricted numbers but, for some reason I did this time. She calls at least 3-4 times a week. I call the police and they said since she calls restricted then it's nothing they can do. But, now they have given me some strategies to use the next time she calls.
I hope everyone is following what I am writing. The bottom line is his family seems to think that he isn't on drugs because he goes to work everyday and he doesn't really take money from the house. His sister said he just checked out because I was not allowing him to be a man. Um the last time I checked you can't allow someone to be something that they already suppose to be. By the way he hasn't seen them since January. They said that it was normal for them not to see him. I have been married to him for 10 years and dating for 3 more and i"ve known him for 20 yrs. He would go to see his mother every other week especially because she is terminally ill. Now he sees her every 6 months. We live 30 minutes away. On mothers day he called her at 4am. This is so he could avoid talking to her...he left a message. Then, yesterday was her birthday and he didnt call her at all. So, you mean to tell me that he's only cheating and he can't call his mom on her birthday or visit her...... That's a bunch of BS!!!!!!!!! He doesn't call or go by because he is embarrassed, thats what he told me at least. I see him, almost everyday and he is messed up most of the time. I asked his sister the following questions and I listed her response!
Q:If he wants this woman why doesn't he just leave?
A:Because he needs you for security.
Q:He makes enough money to take care of himself..
A:I know but he's afraid to live alone (Hes 40)
Q:Why doesn't he move in with her?
A:Oh she's probably made it clear that she doesnt want to move from with her parents (18 other people live with her parents shes 40) But, I haven't talked to him in months
Q:Why doesnt he walk away I threw 2000 dollars at him to help with his moving expenses?
A:He probably wants the house
Q: Ive offered him the house and said that I would go to buy a new one...WE ARE UPSIDE DOWN ANYWAY
A:He just doesn't want u
Now these are just a few of the Q and A's that I went through with his sister. She is so far in denial. So before I got off the phone with her I was SARCASTIC... I told her your so right He's not on drugs, he just doenst want me or his kids. He doesn't call you guys or see your mom only because he's so caught up in his new found relationship with his escort *****, and he doesnt go pick up his other kids anymore because he doesnt want them either....He wants to start a new family with this girl
One big happy family
I am so done with them. None of them are living this nightmare except for me. Just because you go to work everyday doesn't mean your not on drugs. My hsuband has always had good work ethics. And before all of this he has always protected me and our children. Everytime this girl wants him to come to do drugs or to prove that he is over there with her she calls me. I told him and her a long time ago IM NOT HIS MOTHER I am his wife and respect me as that...... But, everytime he takes one more hit than her she calls me. Oh what drama in the life of an addict.
I want everyone to know I am still focused I got off the phone with his sister after @ 15 min and continued watching my Lifetime movie and frosting a cake for my kids. I hope that everyone understood this post because it's hard to explain ignorance. It actually starts to make me sound crazy tooooooo LOL
Now yesterday his marriage counselor sister (never been married and doesn't have a degree in counseling) says that I am a weak person and they both I and him are afraid of leaving each other. I tell her let me get it straight I'm not afraid to do anything...but, my school year is endiong and I have the kids and he is more than welcomed to leave..."I've asked him numerous times" She relies by saying that he's not going anywhere your his security blanket and beside you are the reason he's doing these things.........I ALMOST BLEW A GASKET.........WHAT THE HE** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! We live in a beautiful home. drive nice cars, motorcycle (Harley), have great jobs and I made him do it.....So I started having a little sarcasm...So he did it because I cheated, lost my job, ran away with a man, got the kids taken by DCS, spent all the money, and starved the kids to death.
Are you an idiot or what I asked her I have never done anything to deserve the treatment that I am getting nor have my children. I have been an ideal wife and mother he would even tell anybody that..... I'm a hard worker and get the job done. The sad part is that his sister and I were best friends long before we started dating. His whole family is in denial about his drug use, they just keep saying that hes doing all of theses bizarre behaviors because he doesn't want me anymore. Now please understand he does have a drug wh*** but, she buys the drugs for them by prostituting. This is the same girl I have a restraining order against. Believe me I got a restraining order because I was tired of her harrassing me and my kids. She would call at all times of the night waking up my 2yo and then the final draw was when she was sitting outside my house on two occassions. This is why I got the restaining order NOT because of jealousy. She still calls and comes by with the order in place (crazy girl...she's also been in a mental institution) My moto is you can have him JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!See she even called last night with her number restricted. When I heard her voice I immediately hung up. I often don't awnser restricted numbers but, for some reason I did this time. She calls at least 3-4 times a week. I call the police and they said since she calls restricted then it's nothing they can do. But, now they have given me some strategies to use the next time she calls.
I hope everyone is following what I am writing. The bottom line is his family seems to think that he isn't on drugs because he goes to work everyday and he doesn't really take money from the house. His sister said he just checked out because I was not allowing him to be a man. Um the last time I checked you can't allow someone to be something that they already suppose to be. By the way he hasn't seen them since January. They said that it was normal for them not to see him. I have been married to him for 10 years and dating for 3 more and i"ve known him for 20 yrs. He would go to see his mother every other week especially because she is terminally ill. Now he sees her every 6 months. We live 30 minutes away. On mothers day he called her at 4am. This is so he could avoid talking to her...he left a message. Then, yesterday was her birthday and he didnt call her at all. So, you mean to tell me that he's only cheating and he can't call his mom on her birthday or visit her...... That's a bunch of BS!!!!!!!!! He doesn't call or go by because he is embarrassed, thats what he told me at least. I see him, almost everyday and he is messed up most of the time. I asked his sister the following questions and I listed her response!
Q:If he wants this woman why doesn't he just leave?
A:Because he needs you for security.
Q:He makes enough money to take care of himself..
A:I know but he's afraid to live alone (Hes 40)
Q:Why doesn't he move in with her?
A:Oh she's probably made it clear that she doesnt want to move from with her parents (18 other people live with her parents shes 40) But, I haven't talked to him in months
Q:Why doesnt he walk away I threw 2000 dollars at him to help with his moving expenses?
A:He probably wants the house
Q: Ive offered him the house and said that I would go to buy a new one...WE ARE UPSIDE DOWN ANYWAY
A:He just doesn't want u
Now these are just a few of the Q and A's that I went through with his sister. She is so far in denial. So before I got off the phone with her I was SARCASTIC... I told her your so right He's not on drugs, he just doenst want me or his kids. He doesn't call you guys or see your mom only because he's so caught up in his new found relationship with his escort *****, and he doesnt go pick up his other kids anymore because he doesnt want them either....He wants to start a new family with this girl
One big happy family
I am so done with them. None of them are living this nightmare except for me. Just because you go to work everyday doesn't mean your not on drugs. My hsuband has always had good work ethics. And before all of this he has always protected me and our children. Everytime this girl wants him to come to do drugs or to prove that he is over there with her she calls me. I told him and her a long time ago IM NOT HIS MOTHER I am his wife and respect me as that...... But, everytime he takes one more hit than her she calls me. Oh what drama in the life of an addict.
I want everyone to know I am still focused I got off the phone with his sister after @ 15 min and continued watching my Lifetime movie and frosting a cake for my kids. I hope that everyone understood this post because it's hard to explain ignorance. It actually starts to make me sound crazy tooooooo LOL
Last edited by UNHAPPY777; 05-18-2009 at 10:50 AM.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Normal people just don't understand what living with an addict is like.
Living with addiction is a daily roller coaster ride. Sometimes family members
just don't get it.... they cannot understand what it's like. Just keep focusing
on you and your kids. YOU deserve peace and happiness! One day, you'll be
free of this madness. Keep taking baby steps!
((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
my thought is can you evict him from your home? your asking him to leave but he wont so what are your other options?
as for his family why bother listening to such garbage dont answer.............just send them to voicemail and delete messages without listening to them. You have enough on your plate without the family too.
be safe and take care of you
as for his family why bother listening to such garbage dont answer.............just send them to voicemail and delete messages without listening to them. You have enough on your plate without the family too.
be safe and take care of you
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
It is so easy to get into a conversation with someone that starts out innocently enough and then half-way through I realize the person either has an agenda they are trying to achieve or are in denial of some reality because their logic seems to dissolve away.
An example of that is the conversation with your SIL. She a marriage counselor who's best answer to why your AH has behaved as he has (resisting all your efforts to separate cleanly from him) is that "he just doesn't want you." Sure, that's logical.
I am proud of you that you disengaged yourself when you saw the fuitility of going further. I am also proud that you bounced back to what is important to you without dwelling on the incident.
It is all just noise trying to distract you isn't it? When we have the opportunity to hit the OFF button, we have to shut that noise down.
Good on you!!
Alice
An example of that is the conversation with your SIL. She a marriage counselor who's best answer to why your AH has behaved as he has (resisting all your efforts to separate cleanly from him) is that "he just doesn't want you." Sure, that's logical.
I am proud of you that you disengaged yourself when you saw the fuitility of going further. I am also proud that you bounced back to what is important to you without dwelling on the incident.
It is all just noise trying to distract you isn't it? When we have the opportunity to hit the OFF button, we have to shut that noise down.
Good on you!!
Alice
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by UNHAPPY777 
As you know I kicked my husband out... but he refused to leave....so, in my mind we r just roomates paying the bills we created together.
You had posted in an earlier thread of yours:
So, my mom said that her and my dad are proud of my choices and that they would pay to have the locked changed...... Thank goodness
Do you think that is in the best interest of your children?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Lost in Ca
Posts: 253
My sister in-law isn't really a marriage counselor she just thinks she is. Her mom has never been married, she doesnt and never has had a relationship with her father. Her sister has been divorced 4 times and her bother was the only one who had a positive productive marriage. I am just so tired of people trying to justify his behavior when there is no justification.
Sometimes it feels as if the world is against ME.. I didnt sign up for this life is there anyway I could trade it in...my poor kids don't deserve to have his bizarre behavior or his families behavior. They don't even realize that he can't stand them, that was even before he was embarrassed. He doesnt even ask how his mom is doing. But, he knows that my family is mad at him and he still checks on my mom because he knows that she is a recently diagnosed diabetic.
I guess I'm rambling on again. Being in this situation just plain SUCKS!!!!!
Sometimes it feels as if the world is against ME.. I didnt sign up for this life is there anyway I could trade it in...my poor kids don't deserve to have his bizarre behavior or his families behavior. They don't even realize that he can't stand them, that was even before he was embarrassed. He doesnt even ask how his mom is doing. But, he knows that my family is mad at him and he still checks on my mom because he knows that she is a recently diagnosed diabetic.
I guess I'm rambling on again. Being in this situation just plain SUCKS!!!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 126
Originally Posted by UNHAPPY777
I am so done with them. None of them are living this nightmare except for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Lost in Ca
Posts: 253
First off Chocolate cake LOL
Freedom....
After consulting an attorney....I can't change the locks without going to court especially since we both own the house and he refuses to leave. In our state everything has to be done the legal way. He has never been violent so, I have to go through family court and get them to say it's not a healthy environment for our children. In my post I stated that my school year is coming to an end. Right now I don't have the energy or the time to go to court. So, after all of these months I haveworried about him, now I learned to tune him out until I get done with my professional priorities. I am going from the regular school year right into teaching summer school. Somebody has to remain responsible for the kids future. When summer school is over I'll deal with court.
I never thought I would be able to say "he's like a mirror on the wall collecting dust when I see him". In my post you never once heard me say anything current about HIM and ME. There is no current just a past.......some good but, currently most badd. I just wish him well. I will always love him but, not this way. I have a feeling that it's either going to be jail or death for him because he's to damn proud to get help
Oh well once again that is his choice all I can do is stay healthy for me and my kids
Thanks
Freedom....
After consulting an attorney....I can't change the locks without going to court especially since we both own the house and he refuses to leave. In our state everything has to be done the legal way. He has never been violent so, I have to go through family court and get them to say it's not a healthy environment for our children. In my post I stated that my school year is coming to an end. Right now I don't have the energy or the time to go to court. So, after all of these months I haveworried about him, now I learned to tune him out until I get done with my professional priorities. I am going from the regular school year right into teaching summer school. Somebody has to remain responsible for the kids future. When summer school is over I'll deal with court.
I never thought I would be able to say "he's like a mirror on the wall collecting dust when I see him". In my post you never once heard me say anything current about HIM and ME. There is no current just a past.......some good but, currently most badd. I just wish him well. I will always love him but, not this way. I have a feeling that it's either going to be jail or death for him because he's to damn proud to get help
Oh well once again that is his choice all I can do is stay healthy for me and my kidsThanks
A Brand New Life
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 287
OK so get this...my aexbabys dad ISliving with his mom and dad at 34 doing pot, pills (opiate, narcotic and barbituate) and yet they deny deny deny...he lies, they catch him, he spends all his money and has nothing saved, they give him gas money and change his oil, buy him clothes and baby him by fixing hot meals and washing his clothes all knowing that he left a woman and baby and isnt supporting them! The enabler sometimes is stuck so far in denial that they think they are helping when they are in fact making the bottom a lot farther away...all your control is in what actions you take, I suggest that since he is acting immature and wants attention ignore the heck outta him. Make an excuse to leave the room and don't even let him see you sweat. I would get the kids to grammys as often as possible and go do something for yourself. In the meantime find out if you can get an attourney to help you sell the house split the profit and move on. Is it possible to just leave? Why do you stay with that crazy woman around that is scary!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
This is the same girl I have a restraining order against. Believe me I got a restraining order because I was tired of her harrassing me and my kids. She would call at all times of the night waking up my 2yo and then the final draw was when she was sitting outside my house on two occassions. This is why I got the restaining order NOT because of jealousy. She still calls and comes by with the order in place (crazy girl...she's also been in a mental institution) My moto is you can have him JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!
Your choice to remain with him or not is up to you, but I fear for your children being raised in this environment.
Your sister-in-law is an idiot or a codie lost in denial, but maybe finding a decent therapist might help you work through your issues here.
Regardless of how other people behave, it all comes down to us in the end, to make healthy decisions about how we choose to live.
Prayers for all of you, this sounds like a very sad situation.
Hugs
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
