Sweets79

Went to my parents house for dinner...father already drunk and sleeping, I saw the emtpy bottle of Vodka....I wait till he goes to sleep to go eat there sometimes...Today is 3 weeks I haven't had any alcohol..My mother isn't a drinker, but once in awhile she will have a few...tonight she did, and her whole mood was horrible..I know she has alot of problems, especially financial. The whole time I was there she just moped and looked miserable...I would have been better off sitting on my couch eating by myself...She isn't always like this, but when she gets like this it's unbearable to be around, especially since this is only my 3rd week and I am trying sooooooooo hard...I think I am going to have to evaluate her mood first before deciding to go over there. I was in an ok mood, and that just triggered me...She is the only family I have...I feel so bad for her, it kills me seeing her like this, I feel helpless about it...I have alot of anxiety about something happening to her, and I can't deal with those thoughts, and I get panicky..I am an only child and I just have a few distant cousins who live far away...My grandmother and uncle who I was very close too passed away...Before I left I told her, she's changed, and I know she has problems, but look at what I am trying to do...Give me some freakin support, geez...I know I get an attitude with her sometimes, but I always apologize...alot of times her mood clashes with mine...she just walked away from me, and I let myself out...I don't know if I should call her tonight or not...ugh..Feeling very down and confused...Thanks for listening.

least

Maybe call her later, like tomorrow after she's had some sleep and isn't so depressed. And I'd suggest not going there as much if it triggers you so badly. Hard to do, I know, if you're the only child and are close to her, but seeing her like that and feeling the way it makes you feel can't be good for you.

I'm sorry for this upset. Do'nt drink, no matter what, cause it will only make things worse.

:ghug

Horselover

Wow Sweets. It is tough. Being an only child has got to be hard at times like this. My son is an only and I worry about him taking on too much of us in his mind. I will start early explaining to him that he is not "responsible" for us and we had him and feel he is a miracle. You cannot do for your mom what she will not do for herself, but you can be there for her when she needs someone to cry with or talk with. You have to take care of yourself and if your mom was in the right frame of mind she would want you to take care of yourself first. We moms don't want to a burden on our children.

God bless you for caring and loving your mom so deeply. Try to turn it over. If you believe in God He would be a good place to start and if you don't, well venting here helps too. Do you journal? That helps me. Hugs!

Anna

Oh Sweets,

That sounds so difficult. I think your idea to check out the 'mood' situation before going over there is a good idea. I think you need to do whatever it takes to focus on yourself and your sobriety. Give yourself a little time and then decide if you want to call or not. I was very fragile in early recovery and I had to be very cautious about where I went and who I was with. It was a good lesson for me because it helped me to understand that I couldn't fix other people's problems, and I could only take care of myself. I find that the Serenity prayer helps me in tough situations.

And, Sweets, you're doing great!

Sweets79

I know, she told me she doesn't want to burden me, but she tells me all the time she doesn't know what shes going to do about money...my father messed everything up with his job...I don't know...I am trying so hard not to drink, I can't be around things like this right now, she doesn't get it, she pushes me away when she's like this and it only makes me want to drink more...Thanks for your response.

Anna

Sweets,

You know what you need right now.

Do what YOU need to do for yourself. You can work out things with your Mom later.

Sweets79

Thank you Anna....we are so close, it's killing me, and I am feeling very stressed and high anxiety, and I tell her this, and she just sounds annoyed with me...I care so much, I feel helpless...I need to get some numbers from my group this week...I am riddled with fear that something will happen to her when she gets in this mood, I'm so scared to lose her...I go through this alot at night, where I worry something will happen to her, but when we leave off like this and I see her look like that, the anxiety gets worse, and now I have nothing to medicate, I don't even want it......I hate this...I am sitting here alone and I feel horrible...thanks for your response.

1_day@_a_time

Anxiety - the only alternative to trusting what is happening - is the state of immobilization cause by my focusing on what I believe cannot be changed: on what is over, or on what has not occurred.

I look at this principle on a regular basis to stay centered........

Mary52

Please call other sober people from your group, talk to your sponsor, but above all.......do NOT drink! Steps 1, 2, and 3, sweets! You cannot be there for your mom if your drunk. Please take care of you so that you are able to be there for her. God Bless You!

Sweets79

Thank you Mary, I just attended my 3rd meeting last week...I still have to learn the steps, etc...not familiar with anything just yet....Thanks again for your caring words...and Congrats again on your year

Mary52

Step 1-We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives have become unmanageable.

Step 2-Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step 3-Made a decision to our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.

I am on Step 10, but everyday I need to go back and remember Steps 1, 2, and 3.

God Bless you on your journey thru sobriety. And thanks again!

joedris

Focus on your own situation, sweets. You're in a fragile state and cannot take on your mother's problems. You can be aware of them, you can be concerned as any loving daughter would be, but you can't take on the responsibility for them. I'm sorry to learn the situation with your father. Wait until morning and then perhaps call your Mom. Things might be a little tense right now for you to accomplish anything.