dragon15

i am a recovering A and i have a great wife.... the only problem is she has a problem also.... not an A but mentaly is not all there anymore..... she functions fine most of the time but lives in her own word and treats me like a child most of the time...... we have just had our first child together, but she already had three when we married.... between her being older, the children that she loves, and the emotions with hormones she has delt with... not to metion i was not always a pleasure to be aroune.... she is not thinking rational.... she even told me i needed to leave... i am sober now 21 days and doing fine....

she refuses to take her meds the doctor has perscribed and i have now become fearful that she is not going to make the right decisons regaurding our new born son.....

question is..... how do i get her seen, or help ... when she will not do it on her own..... court order?? police?? .. somthing just needs to let her know that she has a problem

she has said she wants peace in the house.... and i am all for that... but her idea of peace is that I do all the changing and still deal with everything else.....

help please family

electrickery

Without knowing whats going on its a bit hard to know what to say. But a few things came to mind. Firstly - You have been sober for 21 days - congratulations that is fantastic! However if I may ask - how long were you drunk before that? Maybe not enough time has passed for healing to happen and the early parts of recovery can be pretty much of a roller coaster.... if she is treating you like a child I have to ask have you been acting like one?

I don't mean to be provocative in the least but its hard to comment on family dynamics without knowing more and a few things you said triggered something in me - that you say she is not mentally there anymore, that she is not rational, that she is hormonal.... yet you admit you were not a pleasure to be around when you were drunk. 21 days of sobriety.... were you a pleasure that whole time? Maybe you expected that by stopping drinking all is forgiven immediately? (I know I expected that in the past) Maybe you need to allow for some time for her to heal as well yourself... give yourself time to prove to her that you are a pleasure to be around, that you are a grown man who is responsible, a loving husband..... It takes time for trust to build again. Be the person you know you can be.... if she cant see that with time then there is nothing you can do but at least you are being true to yourself and the best husband and father you can be.


When you say she is not mentally there - in what way? She is not taking the meds the doctor prescribed - which meds? what are they for? has she taken them before? You cant force her to get help - that you are thinking of going to the police or getting a court order seems like communication has completely broken down between you two yet you say you have a great wife....

I wish you all the best!

flutter

21 days is such a short time to be sober, really. I would say focus on yourself, and your sobriety so that you are better prepared to deal with any life changes that might come down the road. I'm sure as the previous poster said, you drank for longer than you've been sober, and while 21 days seems like forever.. in the scheme of things it might just be a drop in the bucket for now.

To answer your question about her "getting seen", she is an adult, and you are not her guardian. Adults have the right to make terrible horrible decisions until it either threatens their life, or the life of others (suicidal/homocidal). In those 2 cases, adults can be temporarily held for 72 hours in a behavioral unit at the hospital. The police or mobile crisis through the county mental health system are the contacts for when a person is a danger to themselves or others. If you believe that the children are in danger, and you cannot care for them, you can also contact child protection if there are abuse or neglect issues. I know that sounds extreme, but it is.. it has to be, we have free will to destroy our lives almost to the point of suicide.

Again, if the above doesn't apply (suicidal, homocidal, child abuse/neglect), your actions should be for your own welfare, and of course the welfare of the children.

dragon15

blah.... thanks

electrickery

just curious.... is that ^ how you talk to your wife?

Maybe you dont realise it but that response was pretty.... well.... childish.... towards two people who were trying to understand what is going on for you and took time to offer some feedback.

Unless I misunderstood the 'blah' part....

flutter

Thank you for that. I'm sorry I took the time.

Good luck!

dragon15

seems like the alchoholic way of jumping to conclusions and getting upset about nothing has not left either one of you..... keep trying

but the blah was not ment in any way bad way.... just me being frustrated.....

keithj

dragon,

Take a deep breath and ask yourself if you would like to recover instead of continuing in delusion. We can help.

electrickery

I'm not upset nor was I jumping to conclusions.... just asking and giving feedback as to how you are coming across online....

Anyways I am obviously not of help to you..... still I wish you all the best in your recovery and in working things out with your wife.

flutter

Wow..thank you for judging me, and insulting me all in one statement.

And thank you for reminding me that I need to not assume that people asking for help here really want it, I'm sorry I spent any time trying to offer my help.. but that was my choice to take a chance that someone would be appreciative.

Thank you also for reminding me how blessed I am in my own recovery.

joedris

Dragon, I understand your fears and frustrations. But none of us are marraige counselors and I think the depth of your problem is beyond anything we could help you with. I suggest that you see a counselor for yourself, one who specializes in addiction. That person would be far more qualified to help you than I would. And I speak from some experience here. My (ex) wife had some serious issues of her own and my drinking only intensified the problem. I found a great counselor who I will be eternally indebted to for the help she gave me. It sory of goes with the philosophy of helping yourself so you can help others.

And congratulations on 21 days. I hope you're in AA.