sdp

I have a problem here. Last night, my sister in law came over and asked me to watch her daughter(daughter is 10, I have 2 9 year olds,and they gat along) until 9. She had seen her ex sister in law(BAD divorce) and was ready to flip out. She wanted me to keep her kid while she went to the bar (wondeful reaction to stress,eh?) Anywa, when she got back, my AH was here with a friend, and they sat in the backyard drinking. When I woke up, my AH was sleeping(WOW!!) but his sister is gone. I think I know where she is , but my dilemma is- what do I do with her daughter??? Keep her with me all day?? We hav stuff to do today..Drop the kid off with her up-all-night mother? That would be unfair to the kid...

Debbie

Well I am not sure what to tell you. What do you want to do? Are they things you can do with her daughter, do you feel comfortable taking her to do the things you need to do? If not, then you will need to take her back to her mother.

Hope things work out.

Hugs,
Debbie

sdp

I will probably just keep her.. She's portable. I'm just P-o'd to be put in this position. They just woke up and asked where Aunt is?? I just said I didn't know...
I want to spend weekends with my kids, not other people's kids.. I mean, I would feel bad throwing her kid back at her,, It's petty, when, technically, I can keep her. However, she only has her kids every other weekend, and due to vacations, this is like the first weekend she has had them in a month!!!!!!

Debbie

Sounds like she should be spending time with her mom, hang over or not especially since she only gets her every so often. The whole situation is very sad, since always seems to hurt the child.

I know its probably an inconvenience for you to take care of her but you showing her compassion and love this weekend is probably more than she would get from her mom who is "cranky".

I hope you make the best of the bad situation and I am sure your neice will remember that you took time for her when her mother couldn't.

Many hugs.
Debbie

PS I hope this didn't sound harsh, I am having a bad morning, day, week, life, or whatever you want to call it....

sdp

Not harsh at all.. I mean, this whole situation is harsh. Plus, her mom is now still going from last night-- she would just sleep all day while the kid would just sit at home , bored... Morally, I have no choice. Poor kid didn't even ask where her mom is.

sdp

Post 2- it stinks being the dependable one.

Ann

Is this child's other parent a responsible person? I would return the child to him and tell him the truth.

This little girl should be spending NO weekends with a drunken mother. It's cruel to her and it's dangerous.

Sorry you got stuck in the middle, but there is more at stake here than just this weekend for this innocent child.

Hugs to you for hanging on to her for now. And prayers that the child doesn't find this an everyday occurance.

Please think of the bigger picture. Bless you for being there.

Hugs
Ann

sdp

The father is fairly responsible, but if I were to get him involved there would be a war!!! That would be a heck of a lot worse. She has a 14 year old brother that is pretty ok. This has happened before, but not for a while.
My husband's family is VERY dysfunctional. All except one has drinking/using problems. The mother delegated authority when the kids were young,plus has a drinking problem.
One brother recently died of a heart attack, one brother was kicked out by his wife. This sister is veering out of control.
And i'm the one "who doesn't want to have any fun"
(barbiedeb- I am also not having a good day!!!)
Itll be ok tho. I'll just take the kid along when we go school clothes shopping. Spending money is always fun!!!)

Ann

Please - If the father is fairly responsible, don't worry about war - this child's life is at stake here. I know that few homes are ideal, but if this child spends the rest of the time with her dad, he is the one who should be aware of what is happening.

I think it is wonderful that you are taking her along, but please think about what I said and put the child first here.

Hugs and prayers to all of you.

Ann

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Sdp.

Gotta tell ya I'm with Ann on this one. Try to imagine how sick and scared you would be if they were your kids and you realized you had left them with a drunk. There is such a thing as supervised visitation.

Hugs,
Smoke

sdp

If the kids were younger, I would agree. However, all summer, the older boy watched his sister while the mom worked.
Anyway, the decision was taken out of my hands- she came and got her daughter while I was in the shower. I had no idea she was gone until like 10minutes after I got out.

countrygirl

Problem solved this time. Since she did not live up to her part of the request she made of you, how about next time she wants a babysitter, say no? Make an excuse if you must, tired, bad mood, not feeling well, or just say the truth. Like they say, set your boundries. They can't use you unless you let them.

Daffodil

I HAVE TO AGREE WITH ANN;

A child has NO choice as to sober parents or not...responsible or not...

I do KNOW that a 10 year old is fully aware when a parent is wasted...they may not say so but they are aware. They also know when they are wanted by members of an extended family...Hence, part of the reason adult childern find it hard to feel part of any group.(in my opinion) Always it is the childern who are here, there, and everywhere. No I can't protect them from drinking parents but I know how I felt time after time of being left with first one and then another relative, who not always wanted another child in the house.

I guess this thread just touched a real "ouch" for me from the past...

Thank God you had her instead of a stranger....I am sure that you will someday get back the securilty you gave this little girl and then some.

On her behalf, I'd like to say Thank You for a good nights sleep.

Love and prayers from one who cares

sdp

She used to leave her with me overnight a lot more a few years ago, and I always let her, until she had a sleepover for her daughter's birthday at a hotel with a pool. I was so excited-FREE BABYSITTING, until she said that she was not babysitting, that I had to stay if my kids stayed.I was so devastated I went into the bathroom and cried, but I stayed at the hotel. After that, no more sleepovers for like 2 years. This was the first in a long time. Actually, in January she was doing another sleepover in the same hotel, and I told her my kids couldn't come, as there was no way I was staying. she ended up bringing along an older niece. This sleepover was srpung on me as she was in the back yard with my A and others... at 11t I said I wanted to go to bed and wanted my kids to go to bed, what about hers?? And she asked if she could just stay..Then i wake up and she's not there!!! AARRGGHH. I liked her better when she was going theough the divorce and was paranoid her soon to be ex was having her followed. She was an angel then...