Chino

Ages ago my mother's minor in college was psychology and she used to love analyzing/diagnosing me as a teenager. I learned the phrase "a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing" because of her.

My sister is on her 4th marriage and in a custody battle with #3. My mother and sister are very co-dependent and their MO has always been conquer and divide. My nephews are pawns and they're being poisoned against their dad, much like my mother and sister tried to do with me.

I sent my mother an email this morning, asking if my nephews have been receiving any therapy (because of all the stuff my mother and sister accuse their dad of). I didn't type the last part, I just asked the question. My mother said yes, plenty of it, but would not answer the other questions: is the therapist an LCSW or PhD; how often do they go; what is their specialty; does insurance cover it?

I believe my mother is at again, trying to play shrink, and her victims this time are my nephews. I survived my mother's/sister's egomania and all I can do is hope that someday my nephews do, too.

I've been working with my therapist for the last 3 months, swimming my way through the stages of grief over my mother. I feel like the final nail has been hammered in the coffin and I'm glad I finally had the courage to ask her those questions.

I told my husband last night I had no idea how much pain I'd been in about my mother, until surviving our daughters addiction and that horrible wreck she's still recovering from. My brain could not handle working through the pain (denial!) until dealing with something worse.

It really is true -- addiction affects everything in our lives.

Freedom1990

I'm dealing with some family of origin issues in therapy right now, the primary one being my relationship with my mother. I understand not working through the pain for so long.

:ghug :ghug :ghug

Abundance

With my EXAH... it was every 3 months that I was dealing with something new. And really what it was....... was me dealing with what happened the 3 months prior while something new was happening. I wouldn't work through it while it was happening.

It is STILL like that for me. Now, I'm finally working through all of the pain that I went through with my RAB. And I see that it's really all on ME.

You are so lucky to have your husband to talk with about these things. You are doing really well in your recovery.

Chino

I finally learned how to communicate with my husband... because of my daughter's addiction. I used to want him to do what a specialist does, and got frustrated and angry when he wouldn't and couldn't. Good lord that was so unfair to him

Now that I've taken all the pressure off him to fix me, we can just share. I told him last night I don't deserve him, haven't earned him, and I'm just damned lucky to have him.

I'm going to let things be with mother. We both have our boundaries, we're both respecting them, and it involves minimal contact.

Thank you to everyone who has ever mentioned the 5 stages of grief. Learning it's an actual process helped me understand and accept the steps I've needed to take.

Impurrfect

(((Chino)))

I had heard about the stages of grief, but really learned about them when my mom died. I think I told about it, here, but don't remember. I had signed up for my elective course in nursing school, "death and dying" and was to begin in the 3rd week in June...mom died on June 9th, rather unexpectedly.

My professor was awesome. She made us write "musings" every day, which was more like a journal..where we were, in our heads, with our feelings about things we were learning in class. Another guy in our class had lost his dad the day before my mom died.

She really went into depth, with me, about the stages of grief, and I shared it with dad. It wasn't until then, that I learned that we don't go through them, 1 through 5; that we may return to a stage more than once; that I may be on one stage, another family member may be on another stageand that's HARD (I don't want to talk, they want to talk..grrrrrr). Mostly, I learned that grief doesn't have to do with only death...there are relationships I grieve for and the person is someone I see every day.

Didn't mean to hijack your thread. Your recovery is awesome and you and your daughter have come so far since she began HER recovery. I had a feeling it was going to be the start of something pretty amazing

Hugs and prayers!

Amy