Painful sacrifice of addiction
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 190
Painful sacrifice of addiction
The sacrifice of the addict. What they give up, what they lose, what they miss out on because of addiction. It is truly sad and heartbreaking.
Although I know he deserved this, it was heartbreaking and emotional just the same. I hadn't expected it to be as emotional on me as it was, and I knew it would be for him. I truly hurt for him, it was very hard to hold back tears. I know he held back tears too.
Rather bitter sweet. Bitter, in that my husband's daughter (from a previous marriage) was getting married Saturday, and he would not be the one walking her down the aisle. That would be done by her step-father. Sweet, in that, at least we were invited to the wedding. For this, my husband is very grateful and thankful for.
Being only somewhat there for her growing up, and the fact that once she turned 18, she didn't come around at all (she is now 29), last December, they began to talk to each other. He told her about his addiction, and that he wants to work on their relationship. They have been making progress and it has gone rather well so far.
It was joy and sadness at the same time. Joy that she's getting married, and sad because her father would not have the honor of giving her away. I know this hurt him deeply. Fighting tears, for both of us was difficult to say the least.
The reception was difficult too, the father-daughter dance was hard to watch. These dances get me emotionally at any wedding, but this one just about did me in. Although he maintained his composure, I know he was dying inside. We left shortly after. None of my husband's family were invited because she wanted a very small wedding, and my husband has 12 brothers and sisters, plus their spouses and kids. They would have out-numbered the other guests all together, LOL. We didn't know anyone at the wedding.
I probably shouldn't, but I truly feel sorry for him. It hurt me to know the pain inside he must be experiencing. I am proud of him that he made it through, and clean!
We were asked to take some pictures with them after the wedding, and this was great.
Like I said, I know he deserved this, but it is still painful to see. Knowing the sacrifice was surely too great. I know he wishes he could change the past. I hope and pray he can stay on track with his recovery, and continue to mend the relationship with his daughter.
I pray, someday he will have the opportunity to accept this honor for our daughter when she grows up, and walk her down the isle.
That's all, I've about typed myself to tears! thanks for listening.
Although I know he deserved this, it was heartbreaking and emotional just the same. I hadn't expected it to be as emotional on me as it was, and I knew it would be for him. I truly hurt for him, it was very hard to hold back tears. I know he held back tears too.
Rather bitter sweet. Bitter, in that my husband's daughter (from a previous marriage) was getting married Saturday, and he would not be the one walking her down the aisle. That would be done by her step-father. Sweet, in that, at least we were invited to the wedding. For this, my husband is very grateful and thankful for.
Being only somewhat there for her growing up, and the fact that once she turned 18, she didn't come around at all (she is now 29), last December, they began to talk to each other. He told her about his addiction, and that he wants to work on their relationship. They have been making progress and it has gone rather well so far.
It was joy and sadness at the same time. Joy that she's getting married, and sad because her father would not have the honor of giving her away. I know this hurt him deeply. Fighting tears, for both of us was difficult to say the least.
The reception was difficult too, the father-daughter dance was hard to watch. These dances get me emotionally at any wedding, but this one just about did me in. Although he maintained his composure, I know he was dying inside. We left shortly after. None of my husband's family were invited because she wanted a very small wedding, and my husband has 12 brothers and sisters, plus their spouses and kids. They would have out-numbered the other guests all together, LOL. We didn't know anyone at the wedding.
I probably shouldn't, but I truly feel sorry for him. It hurt me to know the pain inside he must be experiencing. I am proud of him that he made it through, and clean!
We were asked to take some pictures with them after the wedding, and this was great.
Like I said, I know he deserved this, but it is still painful to see. Knowing the sacrifice was surely too great. I know he wishes he could change the past. I hope and pray he can stay on track with his recovery, and continue to mend the relationship with his daughter.
I pray, someday he will have the opportunity to accept this honor for our daughter when she grows up, and walk her down the isle.
That's all, I've about typed myself to tears! thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
You are so right, its a very sad disease. It is so hearbreaking to see the destruction this disease causes and continues to cause. I feel nothing but sadness for my AD and her pathetic life. Addicts generally inspire rage in their loved ones, and rightly so. But we (I'm a recovering addict too) suffer both when using and afterwards when clean (when we realize the harm we caused, and as we confront our demons/defects/consequences). I do believe that God can and does 'restore what the locusts have eaten' and if your husband's clean and working a program of recovery there will be blessings and gifts for him - though maybe not always the ones he would pick or wish for. But who gets what they want all the time? Just tell him you are proud of him and pray he shares his pain with other recovering addicts who understand.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
As the daughter of a father who abandoned me when I was 4 and died of alcoholism when I was 12 (he was absent all the years in between and never came to see me), I especially appreciate your post.
Your daughter and her father have a chance....because he is still alive.
Your daughter and her father have a chance....because he is still alive.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 266
It is funny, I have a step-daughte that is going to be married next summer. My son found his sister on-line on myspace. My son was only in 7th grade when he found out about a sister he never new he had. My SD's family has treated my son like on of the family. Thing is I feel guilty I am being invited to the wedding and my son is standing up in the wedding. My X is not being invited at all, she does not know him or does she want to until he gets sober and stays sober.
So thank you for your post.
So thank you for your post.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
But we (I'm a recovering addict too) suffer both when using and afterwards when clean (when we realize the harm we caused, and as we confront our demons/defects/consequences). I do believe that God can and does 'restore what the locusts have eaten' and if your husband's clean and working a program of recovery there will be blessings and gifts for him - though maybe not always the ones he would pick or wish for
Beautifully said.
Wuzzled, thanks for sharing this story. I am sure your husband appreciated your empathy and I am glad that he is now working on re-establishing a relationship with his daughter. Addiction truly is a family disease. Hugs
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