Freeport

I'm drinking too much and I want to quit. I've tried to quit multiple times, but some excuse to drink keeps happening. Went a month sober earlier this year, but fell off while visiting family. Went five days two weeks ago, but have probably had at least a couple of drinks 8 of the past 10 days. Been drinking since college. I don't drink and drive, but fear if I don't get this under control now that could happen. I don't want to raise my children around alcohol anymore. I don't want them to go through what I'm going through.

Knocked down a 12-pack over the weekend, and it needs to stop. Alcoholism runs in the family. Want alcohol abuse to stop with me.

Have considered attending a meeting, but am in a fairly high-profile line of work and thought these forums might present a logical place for me. Not sure about a sponsor.

I'm a private person so opening up isn't easy. Would appreciate any advice.

Anna

Hi Freeport,

Welcome!

If you want to stop drinking, you can do it and we're here to offer lots of support.

Have you talked to your dr? Detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.

Just take it one step at a time and stay sober today.

Tazman53

Welcome to SR freeport, keep in mind that the second A in AA is anonymous! In my area we have politicians, lawyers,business owners, members of the clergy, etc. in the fellowship, the judges in our area know one lawyer in the fellowship very well, they do not look upon him as a failure, instead they look upon him as a great success and send a lot of people to him to speak about alcoholism.

Ask your self this, if you went to a meeting and saw some one you know who is prominent in your community are you going to tell everyone you know? Of course not, because the next question would be "What were you doing there?" Do you think they are going to tell every one? Of course not, for the same reason as you.

Actually some ones anonymity in AA is very important to those in the fellowship.

Even if word got out you were going to AA, which do you think would harm your reputation more:

"I understand that Freeport is a recovering alcoholic who goes to AA."

Or

"Man Freeport was drunk as a skunk the last time I saw him, he may have a problem!"

Or even worse

"Did you hear Freeport got a DUI?"

keithj

AA's Big Book says something like, if, when you honestly want to, you find you can not stop entirely, you may be alcoholic. You may want to delve into determining if you are alcoholic or not. Then, if you are, you may want to do exactly what others alcoholics have done to recover.

All of my attempts at trying to stop or control my drinking failed miserably. I'd go just like you describe, not drinking for a few days or a couple months, trying to control the amount, swearing off, etc. It just kept getting worse and more and more out of control. You describe where I was a couple of years before getting sober and recovering. Those next couple of years between knowing I had a problem and needing to do something about, and finding recovery through AA, brought devastation and chaos to all those around me. More damage than I thought possible.

If you are like us, we have a solution for you.

Whitney

I can completely relate to you, Freeport. I have avoided meetings for the same reason. We are atleast heading in the right direction and the encouragement we find here might be just what's needed.

Blessings and Peace.

joedris

Why is it that people keep avoiding meetings? As Taz said, we're Alcoholics ANONYMOUS. I hate to burst your bubble, but you're apt to find more prominent people at the meetings than you. Yeah, this web site helps, but it is by no means a substitute for the one on one personal relationships, the support, and the encouragement we get from AA meetings.

adore79

Hi and welcome! Whatever works for you to quit and stay stopped is great. I use AA, this site, my therapist, my parents, my shrink and soon intensive outpatient treatment. The trick is finding what works for you, there are many options.

Freeport

I appreciate the comments from everyone today, even the bluntness from joedris. My only defense is that I'm new to this and feel that simply posting here was a significant step for me. No one's better at bursting my own bubble than me, and I don't take myself too seriously. But I've read too many horror stories about the second A not being respected, and for today, I'm not willing to risk that. Again, thank you for powerful replies. All of them mean a lot. Looking forward to a one-day sober post tomorrow morning!

prettypoison

Me too, I hope you do come back and join us on your first day to getting yourself to a better place

I remember not very long ago feeling exactly the way you described in your earlier post. I lurked here wondering how the heck everyone else was able to do it -- but I just couldn't. I'd put a few days together and bam I would stop off for just one more bottle and then I'd quit. Well that went on for years. I know everyone has to come to their own "bottom" -- the thing that makes you realize it just isn't worth it anymore -- the price has become way too high. I've lost plenty over the years and I became adamant that I was done being on the losing end of the spectrum. It's not easy -- but it can be done. I wish you the best and hope to see you back!

larssonc

I tried to quit drinking by myself many times. One of my first actions in order to stop drinking was also coming to this site, some years ago. There is much good support and reading here. But it is not a "commitment" and I too managed shorter periods of time sober but relapsed every time.

I also saw a shrink for some time, but that had the same (limited) effect. I went to my first ever AA meeting some three weeks ago and was scared s***less, but found that it helps me. I was very sceptical. It was a positive surprise though. For one, I feel welcome there, even if I don't agree with everything in the program. Secondly, my evening meetings and meetings with my sponsor and others in the group simply prevents me from drinking by just keeping busy. Thirdly, hearing people share their experiences has given me a different perspective on my own alcoholism.

Bottom line is: the work still has to be done by you and no-one else. I found that simply being able to talk about it with and listen to people being in the same boat has had the best effect on me so far. I don't think that my shrink really understood why I was drinking, and I did not understand it myself either. I was not able to stop on my own, and this insight drove me there.

Mary52

There are doctors, nurses, pharmacists, truck drivers, waiters/waitresses, blue collar/white collar......lots of high profile types in the rooms of AA/NA. There's also "street people" and we all have ONE thing in common. It's an addiction problem to drugs/alcohol. Except for the rooms, we would not mix. Strange....cuz I consider them more family than my own blood relations. That's because we understand each other. Yeah, there are people that blow our anonymity, unfortunately, but that's where the 4th step comes in. The steps work if you do your part. No excuse can make you drink. It is one's CHOICE to drink.
Good Luck and welcome to SR.

keithj

Mary,

Go back and read the first page of A Vision for You, towards the bottom where it talks about being wrecked in a common vessel. I'm not trying to jump on you, but I think you might enjoy the next part about the fellowship of the spirit.

Common problem is one element of the powerful cement. Without the other element, we are not bound together.

joedris

Freeport my friend, I apologize for my bluntness, but in some situations I can't help it. Alcoholism is a very serious disease that if left untreated will be fatal. Note that I said "will" and not "can." So I take the subject very seriously. I don't know the sources for your horror stories about breaking anonymity, but in my many years of going to many meetings I can honestly say that I have personally never seen it. Going back to what Taz said, would you rather be known as a drunk or a member of AA? And I think you would be very suprised that most people don't really give a damn if you're in AA, and a great portion of them would think highly of you for being in the program. Just stand outside a local meeting (in the shadows, of course) and see who goes in the door. It may open your eyes.

Please don't think I'm an AA nazi. It doesn't work for everyone. But I feel that you should give it a chance before you dismiss it. In any event, I wish you the best of luck in getting sober, however you go about it.

Freeport

One day was easy, though Tuesdays are harder. 12-hour stressful (deadline) work day, go home and help kids during evening with sports and homework, wrestle them into bed, then too easy to have "a beer" which turns into four. But I can do it.

Again I really appreciate all the comments, especially the tough love. I've read the boards before and want to tackle this part of my life before it drags me and my family down. That probably means meetings sooner than later. I don't know yet.

How do you approach social family matters? My wife's family drinks hard -- most of them arguably more than me. I've frankly never really enjoyed being around them and drinking has been the one thing we've had in common. My brother is my best friend. He's in the military, and the couple of times each year we get together, he wants to drink with me. Like my dad, he's better at stopping at a few drinks than me. I guess the broader question I'm posing is: How do you stay sober when the people around you aren't interested in being with you unless you're drinking with them?

Have any of you bought a six pack, drank a few, then felt so terrible about it the next morning that you dump the rest out? I bet I've done that a dozen times the past year. I apologize in advance for throwing a lot of random thoughts about my problems at you wonderful people.

Tazman53

You know Freeport one thing I have found in sobriety is who are real friends and who are drinking buddies.

Drinking buddies are a dime a dozen and I know that any time I feel the need for a drinking buddy all I have to do is go to the nearest bar and set up the bar!!! Oh yes!! Everyone there is my friend...... until it comes time for another drink, well if I buy another round I am a even better friend.

Now here is where I can find out who has become a freind and who was nothing but a drinking buddy. I order a soda and buy no one anything. Those who stay even when I am not drinking or buying are freinds, the rest were drinking buddies.

A real friend you can call at 3AM and tell them you are broke down and need a ride and they will come get you..... Try that with a drinking buddy.

In regards to relatives and the like, you will be amazed at how many people could care less if you are drinking an iced tea or a bourbon on the rocks while you are talking with them.

To be quite honest, when I was drinking I did not give a damn if YOU were drinking or not as long as I had my drink!

Mind if I correct you on that statement, he does not want to drink with you, he wants to be with you!!!

My brother is an alcoholic also and quit drinking years before I did, I love him dearly and I still love him and we talked and hung out just as much before he quit drinking as we did after he quit drinking and I was still drinking.

The bond between my brother and I was not alcohol, the bond between us was the same bond as there is between your brother and you..... love and freindship.

Answer this question, "If your brother quit drinking entirely 5 years ago would you have quit talking to him and hanging out with him because you drank?"

Yes, I used to every once in a while and always seemed to buy more beer in the afternoon.

NEOMARXIST

Hi Freeport. It sounds to me like you have reached the stage in your drinking 'Career' where you have long since peaked and are on your way out, but unless you seak help; I strongly advise AA, your mind will never stop trying to rekindle the 'goodtimes'.
By this I mean that once you are starting to get racked with guilt/remorse/anxiety about your drinking then these feelings will never go away and you will be locked in a continous 'mind-battle' with the Angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. I am a lot, lot younger than you by the sound of it but I too fought these feeling for the last couple of years, with periods of short sobriety followed by heavy binges and round and round again. I browsed this site for 12 months but always returned to binge-drinking.
I attended my second AA meeting yesterday and suggest you do the same if you wish to totally stop drinking, as for me personally, an internet forum is just not a strong enough incentive to not drink, even though it is a FANTASTIC resource to aid you.
I have found you will gain a lot more respect by admitting your problems and trying to deal with them rather than being a hopeless Drunk.
No-one, certainly in my local AA group, gives a damn about who/what you are, no-one evn mentions what they do for a living, who-cares, all that matters is that drinking is causing problems in their lives.

joedris

Yo Freeport, I made your little problem a topic for discussion at last night's meeting, and most agreed that your fear of blowing your anonymity is unfounded. HOWEVER, there were a few that said that they've seen it in the past. Very rare, but it does happen. I don't know what kind of work you're in, but be aware that AA does have little-publicized "special groups". One for lawyers, one for doctors, and so on. So you might want to check on the existence of such groups in your area. They say that the doctor's groups are quite large....

I was also faced at one point with having to respond to questions about why I wasn't drinking and found the best answer was "I can't, dammit! It's this new medicine I have to take for my blood pressure." You'll find that most folks will leave it at that. If they get really nosy, tell them that it's Toprol XL, a very common BP med.

Freeport

Hey joedris, thank you for mulling that around with your group. I'm sure it's no news flash, but obviously part of what I'm dealing with is the personal embarrassment that goes with a lone wolf, self-made person admitting he has a problem. I've never needed help before, and looking people in the eye and honestly sharing my fault(s) is a challenge. I recognize that nearly everybody on these boards has faced that situation better than I am right now, so I don't expect any sympathy. I'd like to join an AA meeting, and I may seek one of these special groups you mention. Also, I really like your response re: Toprol XL. I'm an intense guy, so even though the doc tells me my blood pressure is fine, no one who knows me would have any problem believing I'd take blood pressure medicine.
As for my progress this week, two days and counting. Feel good. No withdrawal symptoms, though I think about it a lot. Doesn't seem like a physical demand, but hard to break the evening process of drinking, reading, watching a movie, etc. Three, four, five days is normally where I get cocky and tell myself, "No problem, I can do this. Drinking one night won't hurt." I don't want to go down that road anymore. And won't. Thanks again, joedris, for your honesty and help.

least

Welcome to SR! You can stay sober, one day at a time. No matter what 'program' you use to stay sober, sobriety must be your first priority. It was said here by CarolD that staying sober is possible when you want to stay sober MORE than you want to drink.

Again, welcome!

Philly

Hi Freeport,

You are doing well. I only use SR for support as well. My family is sort of high profile in our area and me being the good wife/mother am not using AA as a resource. People gossip big time in my area. My sister is in AA in another city and people are always talking about who is in the program which really wouldn't bother me. I am almost 10 months sober and feel I did enough harm to my family. This is the first time I have tried to quit. Also I am a little selfish in I go to the gym after work and would have to give that up if I wanted to attend meetings. If this attempt fails I would not hestitate to go the AA route. The people on this site have really been helpful and alot are going through the same obstacles as me.

As for what to say besides being a health issue which even if you don't have one yet putting that poison into your body will certainly cause one, I like to say no thanks I had enough.

Good luck and keep posting.