spiritedgrl123

Was having an awesome day yesterday. My son, me and a friend of mine went out of town for the day and celebrated Mom's Day. We shopped, went to a show and had a blast. It was nice because I had really been dreding this Mom's Day, as the last one, EXABF bought me a new bike and he, my son and I began a weekly biking trip that went clear through summer. It was some of the best times we had together and I miss that most some days. So I was dreding the day and trying not to remember last year this time and how everything was, stop at the PO on my way home and lo and behold EXABF sent me a Mom's Day card! It was just a funny card, and he signed it "Have a great day!" Love, XXXX.
Now we haven't spoken since the end of March, and have only emailed occassionally. As my sponsor reminds me what he does is no longer any of my business as he is NOT my BF anymore, and we are not even friends (and I agree), so WHY then would he send a card? What could POSSIBLY be his motivation in doing this? He always would tell anyone who would listen what a good mom, and how that was one of the things that attracted him to me.
I just don't understand it. I don't want to be angry and am struggling enough to let all that go, but I don't understand why he does these things, just POPS back into my life in some form for whatever HIS reason is.
I didn't email and thank him for the card. I might, might not. Right now I am just struggling to understand why he doesn't seem to want me to get on with my life, and seems to want to keep himself in the forefront of my mind.
Any ESH would be greatly appreciated......
still trying to keep it simple
spirit

sailorjohn

More importantly, why does it make any difference to you?
Why do you keep in touch with him?

prodigal

Emailing occasionally is still maintaining contact, however minimal.

He thinks you are a good mom; perhaps he simply wanted to let you know that.

You are trying to figure out his motivations for doing what he's doing. That is not humanly possible. When we speculate as to what SEEMS to be occurring, we are attempting to mind-read, and tossing in our own bias as to the why's and wherefore's of another person's behaviors.

Only you can keep him in the forefront of your mind. You are not having regular contact with him; besides, he doesn't have the power over your mind to keep himself in the forefront. Only you can choose to do that.

You are questioning whether or not you should email him. If you do so, you invite further interaction with him. If you dismiss the card as nothing more than a friendly gesture, and quit trying to figure out his motivations, he will cease to be at the forefront.

If he continues to contact you, you have the choice of ignoring him or or simply telling him you want no further contact in any way, shape, or form, with him.

freya

When I was separated from my partner due to her dry-drunk relapse, I found it was very important for me to maintain a very strict "no contact" policy. That meant that I did not return calls, sent back mail and deleted e-mails unread.

With an unrecovering addict/alcoholic everything is a head-game and the only winning move for me is not to play. Ever. Period. By sitting around worrying about his motivation, he has got you playing. If that's really what you want to do, fine...but, like I said, in my experience there is no way for you to win....the game is run by alcoholism, the parameters for the rules are set by the disease, the disease allows the alcoholic to change the rules at will, except for one....and, ultimately, it's the only one that matters: ONLY THE DISEASE CAN WIN.

freya