Emotional Support??
A Brand New Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 287
Emotional Support??
I am in need of a little encouragement? I just got off the phone with my exaf's mom who he currently lives with in another state. I knew she had no clue of what the truth of my ex's situation is b/c she is in denial and left a message saying the superintendent of a school talked to her today about getting me a job there. I stood my ground and told her I wasn't moving myself and my little one in with an active addict and that I was dissapointed b/c he wasn't sending support anymore. She told me that along with every piece of house furniture and house items that are in storage with her that she will be shipping him out of her home on the 1st. She also said she doesn't care anymore about the fact that I don't have anything to start out with or even money to pay my bills because I can just send 10.00 a month to everyone and that my parents should be helping me financially. ( Not their problem)
Ok first of all, I am not lined up for a job here yet, hard to find one and also I am in debt and broke trying to pay off my bills I neglected when I supported him and the bills he rang up...all that aside it is my responsibility to make my life better and I know that,...so why is he getting a new apt all furnished and they will probably pay the first month and he is playing and living like a prince? I am squandering, nor can i afford to do anything yet. I am glad I stayed strong and didn't accept him in front of his mom that way I won't be stupid and pretend that he will ever change until he gets help. So why am I so scared that I won't make it? I don't know when I will ever have enough to move out and his mom clearly discouraged me from getting any child support b/c he supposedly has none to give? I am just sad about this...
If I did the right thing why does it seem like he has this happy fresh clean starting point with all the trimmings and I am broke stuck at parents still and can barely make end meet? I know he is a loser and being with him would have been anxiety pain and worry ...addicted loved ones are hard to deal with but I would rather end this now than deal with my daughter living around one and possibly forming signs of it herself? THis is frustrating...please help me find a peace in this?
Ok first of all, I am not lined up for a job here yet, hard to find one and also I am in debt and broke trying to pay off my bills I neglected when I supported him and the bills he rang up...all that aside it is my responsibility to make my life better and I know that,...so why is he getting a new apt all furnished and they will probably pay the first month and he is playing and living like a prince? I am squandering, nor can i afford to do anything yet. I am glad I stayed strong and didn't accept him in front of his mom that way I won't be stupid and pretend that he will ever change until he gets help. So why am I so scared that I won't make it? I don't know when I will ever have enough to move out and his mom clearly discouraged me from getting any child support b/c he supposedly has none to give? I am just sad about this...
If I did the right thing why does it seem like he has this happy fresh clean starting point with all the trimmings and I am broke stuck at parents still and can barely make end meet? I know he is a loser and being with him would have been anxiety pain and worry ...addicted loved ones are hard to deal with but I would rather end this now than deal with my daughter living around one and possibly forming signs of it herself? THis is frustrating...please help me find a peace in this?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I have to agree with Cynical.....his life may look nice now, but it's all a fresh coat of paint on rotting wood. The basic problem for his has not been addressed! You, however, have really decided to change your life for the better. There are a lot of changes you are experiencing at your very foundation (sorry for the construction analogies--).
Anyway, your life is going to be fabulous and his will not as long as he continues on his current path.
Go to court, get an order of support, stop talking to his mother, just communicate via e-mail as needed for the baby!
Hugs and prayers, HG
Anyway, your life is going to be fabulous and his will not as long as he continues on his current path.
Go to court, get an order of support, stop talking to his mother, just communicate via e-mail as needed for the baby!
Hugs and prayers, HG
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
((((whereami))))
I know it is really hard for you right now I wish I could make it better.
His parents probably are just trying to get him out of their house. Even though it may look like it will turn out well for him I can almost guarantee that he will loose his new digs or his parents will support him to keep him away.
With or without his support you can still pick yourself up. Yes it is harder with a child to consider. I want to encourage you to stop worrying about what he is getting and you are not. Because it robs you of your energy and keeps you from doing what you can do.
Consider that you are the lucky one because you have your child and you are not an addict. You will build your life on a firm foundation while he is building castles in the air and all though the view looks pretty good from up there landing is a real problem. Be glad you are away from him and his castle cause we all know it is bound to fall.
Believe me you are in the better situation. I will keep you and your child in my prayers.
I know it is really hard for you right now I wish I could make it better.
His parents probably are just trying to get him out of their house. Even though it may look like it will turn out well for him I can almost guarantee that he will loose his new digs or his parents will support him to keep him away.
With or without his support you can still pick yourself up. Yes it is harder with a child to consider. I want to encourage you to stop worrying about what he is getting and you are not. Because it robs you of your energy and keeps you from doing what you can do.
Consider that you are the lucky one because you have your child and you are not an addict. You will build your life on a firm foundation while he is building castles in the air and all though the view looks pretty good from up there landing is a real problem. Be glad you are away from him and his castle cause we all know it is bound to fall.
Believe me you are in the better situation. I will keep you and your child in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Cynical)) is right. You have the better end of the deal, his just LOOKS better for now, but looks are deceiving.
My 15-year-old niece's "dad" is an addict who has never been much of a dad for her. He's been in/out of jail since she was born, and his dad & stepmom are huge enablers. Every time he gets out of jail, they buy him a house and a car, which he rarely has time to enjoy before he is locked up again. In the meantime, we can't even serve him with papers for child support, because we don't have his address....sigh.
I, however, am the RA who is struggling like crazy to get back on my feet. Our situations are similar...I'm where I am because I allowed drugs to take a priority, you're where you are because you allowed a man to be a priority (?) (not so sure about that one). We will be stronger in the long run, because of these very struggles we're going through.
In your situation, he has people giving him "stuff". You are getting to enjoy the precious moments of your child's life. I know it's hard, some times and it doesn't seem fair, but his life really isn't as great as you think it is.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
My 15-year-old niece's "dad" is an addict who has never been much of a dad for her. He's been in/out of jail since she was born, and his dad & stepmom are huge enablers. Every time he gets out of jail, they buy him a house and a car, which he rarely has time to enjoy before he is locked up again. In the meantime, we can't even serve him with papers for child support, because we don't have his address....sigh.
I, however, am the RA who is struggling like crazy to get back on my feet. Our situations are similar...I'm where I am because I allowed drugs to take a priority, you're where you are because you allowed a man to be a priority (?) (not so sure about that one). We will be stronger in the long run, because of these very struggles we're going through.
In your situation, he has people giving him "stuff". You are getting to enjoy the precious moments of your child's life. I know it's hard, some times and it doesn't seem fair, but his life really isn't as great as you think it is.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
A Brand New Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 287
You are exactly right, I had just got myself out of a 10 year codie relationship with a much less dramatic and very stable guy. The irony is that I broke up with him over 40 bucks hehe lots less impactful thinking of the thousands this one has taken not to mention my faith in guys. I do have the better end health wise, emotionally and at the end of the day my family still respects what I am doing while his is pushing him out. I guess you said it best...I cannot allow perception of the other side of the fence to sparkle over my cloud of dust I am climbing out of...certainly the dust will settle while he is still trying to tread in mud. I have felt a lot of guilt for reaching out when I read the posts because I feel like a broken record. I know I can do this I can climb out of the poor me crud and make a good life...one day at a time. I am sure he will come around once I am on my feet and dating and doing great and then I will be able to say,No- I choose life...I have to remember that things will come around, he will serve his day and if not here someday he will have to answer to a HP for this. I am not his maker, so I will do what you say...let go in love and know that it will be o.k. It is crazy that with my resume and great family that I am still even bothered by him abandoning us. I have to get over this lol...I will I can Thanks and I will read here often for strength...I love you guys...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
WhereamI, it sounds to me like this guy is a loser. He is getting a brand new start, and doesn't pay child support for his little girl. Don't feel bad about that. Eventually his mommy is going to get sick and tired of doing everything for her overgrown baby son. She isn't helping him grow, by doing whatever she keeps doing for him. Paying his rent, and helping him get his own place. She is probably doing it just to get him out of her house and hair. She doesn't seem like such an intelligent person herself, because if it were my son, with a daughter to support, I wouldn't do a thing for him. I would send what ever money I had to my little grandaughter. You stay strong and make an new life for yourself and your daughter. If he is still in active addiction, he wont have that place for very long. He will manage to lose that too. Then what will mommy do for him?
A Brand New Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 287
He was smoking weed, drinking here and there after work and still continues to take vicodin and hydrocodone. When he calls I can sometimes her the pill bottle rattle in the background, like he is trying for me to hear it. I think the best thing is what I am doing-moving on...it can be so hard, but I will meet a nice guy someday...someone who doesn't have to trash himself to have a good time. I do have a friend now who is a very nice guy, he seems to have a nice life, good family, daughter and son and goes to church regularly. He doesn't even like to curse, but i will take things slow and just have friends for a long time...I will slowly make friends and that is all I need now...
A Brand New Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 287
Well I had a wonderful first Mothers' Day and we took my mom out to eat and played all day. my dad built a backyard fountain for my mom and we enjoyed it while sitting by the tiki torches and talking. All in all things are looking up..I even had a few texts from friends with happy day wishes. I feel like there is sun shining down on me yay!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by whereami 
Well I had a wonderful first Mothers' Day and we took my mom out to eat and played all day. my dad built a backyard fountain for my mom and we enjoyed it while sitting by the tiki torches and talking. All in all things are looking up..I even had a few texts from friends with happy day wishes. I feel like there is sun shining down on me yay!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
That's so good. I am happy for you. It's sad that alot of the younger generation is messed up or on drugs. If you find a decent man, hang on to him. Treat him well, and he will treat you well. That's the way it should be. It's good that you realize what you want and need in a relationship. You go girl.
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