Serenity Bound

A week ago, my AD who has (had) 5 1/2 months clean told me she was having urges. I asked if she had her phone list, she said yes, that she called her sponsor & shared at a meeting. I told her Good, and left it at that.

OKAY, on Sunday I had those Mom gut feelings. Early evening yesterday, AD called, asking for $$, and I said NO!!! Several times, NO!!! Of course she hung up. Later in the evening she called (Thank God I was at a meeting and my phone was turned off) left me a message to come take the baby as she was going to take all her pills (she's bi-polar) and kill herself. As it was, I did not get that call until approx 9:30 PM. I was with some program friends when I listened to the call, I said I don't know what to do. When I got home, I told my H, then I tried to call her back, of course I only got her voice mail. It's now approx 10 PM, my thoughts were that her H should be home by now and if anything was wrong I'd get another call. I smoked a few cigs then prayed alot & went to bed.

This morn, AD called wanting to know why I wouldn't talk to her....said she called me 16X's last nite. Again, thank HP I didn't get those calls. I asked her what her plans for today were and she said to stay clean & sober. I told her that was good. She said that she had F'd up and wanted to die etc......I told her that was yesterday and today was a brand new day. I also told her that the only one who could work her program for her was her. I told her I loved her, however my love was not enough to keep her clean, this is something she has to do for herself.

Sorry this is such a long post, just had to get it all out. You know, "we codies" have our relapses too, because as soon as I got that call I could feel my recovery & serenity flying right out the window. TG it didn't fly too far!

Hugs,
Chris

HurtingDad

Chris, thanks for sharing that. Your HP was definitely working for you by preventing you from getting those phone messages.

You did the right things, as tough as it is. Saying:

"I told her that was yesterday and today was a brand new day. I also told her that the only one who could work her program for her was her. I told her I loved her, however my love was not enough to keep her clean, this is something she has to do for herself."

was wonderful, you expressed love and concern, but it is her journey. Hope I can put it that well if my son slips up.

Prayers and wishes to your and your daughter's family.

Seren

Oh, Chris, I'm so sorry to hear about that. Hopefully she will pick herself back up, dust herself off, and begin again!

Hugs, prayers, and best wishes! HG

Ann

I'm sorry to hear that too, but your recovery sounds right in place to me.

My son is one of those people who is in an out of recovery/relapse ongoing (since it's been almost 5 years since I heard from him, I can only assume a very long "out" time).

I had to let my recovery depend on ME and not on how well he was doing. It was hard hanging on to my recovery when he lost his, but that is exactly when my life depended on it.

My recovery has brought me many gifts, including living a life filled with beauty and peace, and it serves me well in all my life relationships. That doesn't mean I don't have some bad days, but one of the gifts of recovery is that it's always there to grab on to when I need it most.

We don't have to sacrifice our lives just because they sacrifice theirs. Ours won't save theirs and if we let their relapses affect us we just go down with them. I refuse to do that anymore, it's too dark down there.

Prayers going out for your daughter, that she finds a good path and stays on it.

Hugs

MyJoey

Darn Chris,
I am so sorry. I sure hope she gets back on track, I can imagine the fear you must have. Doing the right thing is not always easy, but I admire your courage and strength. We often hear how loved ones have had slips and in the end it makes their recovery that much stronger, so try to look at it like a stepping stone for your daughter, hopefully she will stay on track this time. It is good she admitted her slip and she is trying. Lots of hugs and prayers for your family. Julie

laurie6781

(((((Chris)))))

I too hope for her sake that she gets 'back on track.'

You on the other hand, WOW, you're Recovery IS ON TRACK!!!!! Good job. Yes your 'mom' feelings came to the fore, but you DIDN'T ACT ON THEM. You kept your cool to the best of your ability. WOW

Your heart is definitely hurting, but I believe, even though you didn't come out and say it, that in your heart you know the best way to help her is to stand back, and you expressed that by telling her 'my love was not enough to keep her clean, this is something she has to do for herself.' AWESOME.

You did good! Your recovery is SHINING!!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

sleepygoat

I don't know how you can even say your recovery flew out the window. Sounds like you have excellent recovery that did not abandon you at all. But of course your serenity got lost for a whiile. You are human and you are her mom. We don't work these principles in order to become stone statues. If you love your child, you are not going to be 'serene' during a suicide threat. You are going to be concerned and (hopefully) praying yer butt off. Personally, I would have simply called the cops and reported the suicide threat and let them take it from there. I would do that for anyone - chld, neighbor, total stranger. But that's just me, and i don't have the whole story.