PowerlessAgain

It all started when I moved away from my home town up north. While I was at home I established a great support/recovery circle. I had been clean for a few years, back in church (i had always loved it before using) and thing were going better than ever in my life.
Then, I move away to FL. for a Year. I HATED it there. I went to meetings, but it was not the same. I was in a little college town with nothing in common with anyone at all!

MOVE AGAIN, get married, get my kids full time. I LOVE where I live now, but Ive went through so many changes that it started taking a toll on me. I entered school for the first time (im 27) but since I dropped out of high school due to not having good concentration skills (add) I began to worry..... "I can NOT fail at something again, that's all I've ever done in my life"
So in desperation, I talk to my Dr. who was giving me Prozac because my depression/anexity returned during all of the changes.
He says "Im going to prescribe Adderall" it will be safe, it's a very low dose."
I think, "Ok, You can do this, you always hated cocaine or any speed, and avioded it during using" (because of my panic attacks.)

My grades immediately shot up, and I was getting things done that I had put off for months. I felt on top of the world for the first time in my life.

After a few months of regular use, I began to take "just one more" and that began to continue until im using alot daily.

I had taken myself to the emergency rm because I though I was having a heart attack at 5 am because I was up all night on this drug.

I had to pull of a busy interstate of 8 lanes because I almost fainted because of this drug.

I almost passed out several times in a day.....but Im so scared to lose everything (my family)

I don't want them to be disappointed in me

I'm so ashamed, so lost.....so incredibly scared.

I don't want to die

I dont want to leave my beautiful babies with no one to care for them.

I don't know what to do..........

Rowan

Hi PA,

Welcome to SR, and thanks for your thread. Where do you start? Well I think you made a great start just by recognizing your powerlessness over the drug. Stick around, others will be by to share their own experiences - and please, check out our Substance Abuse forum, too. The Sticky's on top of the forum are particularly helpful.

Tommyh

dump the pills and get help somewhere,anywhere for starters.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I can feel the desparation in your post.

But, you have made a good move by finding us and posting about your problem. We have lots of support here, and know that you can get off this medication. Can you talk to the dr who is prescribing the pills about your problem?

vegibean

Hi Power. So glad you're here. I can't imagine how you feel right now. However I, and a lot of others, certainly know the feeling. Hope you'll stay, get some help, get some support and DO NOT GO IN FEAR!!! You've done this before, you know what it's about.

Hope you'll keep coming back. :ghug3

mspamy

Hello i'm new here too, i'm a drinker restarted after many years off it. i just wanted to reply to you and wish you well. i hope you find the courage to do what you need to do. You've done it before, you can do it again i'm sure. it's just the getting down to it and doing what 'we' need to do. i say we, because i've got to do the same too. it's frustrating and disappointing when you do so well without the drug substance we choose to use then go back again to it.
not much help i know, but as many say here...'you are not alone'

adore79

Hi PA, welcome to SR

I take adderall for concentration problems as well and the only way i can do it is that i have someone keep the pills and give me the prescribed dose everyday, otherwise i would abuse them again. Is there anyone who could do this for you? I understand that is hard to think about totally giving it up, i cant imagine going back to being the way i was before i got on it, but it is a very dangerous drug to abuse and kill you if you arent safe. I hope you can get some help.

least

Welcome! YOu've taken the first step in recognizing the problem. Now you have to act to solve it. I think you should talk to your doctor that prescribed it for you. S/he should know that you need to get off it, or get back to taking it as you're supposed to do.

I'm glad you found us and joined the family. Lots of support here.

:ghug3

Mary52

Glad you are here. I was desolate last year, agonizing, worrying about losing my family, etc. I went into treatment and just did what I was told to do. Things are barely starting to get better for me now. I'm trying to stay focused, humble, and teachable, and just trying to do the next right thing.

Angelic17

You say you don't know what to do, but I think it's simple. Just simply start cutting down on the adderall. Until your down to a normal dose. Talk this over with the doctor that prescribed it to you. Doctors will prescribe anything. It's up to you to say no thank you, or at least to use it as directed. It's just a set back. You will be alright. Just get back on track.

dragonheart

You are definately not alone in being scared and ashamed of things you have done.I am not completely drug free yet but i am working on it.What helps me is by going to some meetings every week and i get on here nightly and read a lot of threads and it helps me so much and it can do the same for you if you let it.

shaun00

dont know what to do.......

Take action........try to put all other problems to one side.....till your clean again.......

Your mind is confusing the issue with shame guilt and remorse and all that other stuff...

Everything is gonna get worse till you take action to stop.

Plan.........doctors........be honest 100%........ask if its safe to reduce.

Then start a reduction programme..........then god willing your clean again.

THEN.......sort out all that other stuff...

THEN look at a program of recovery....na i guess.

Youve been here before.........its telling you you cant do without it right?..and its b.s

Get a plan.......get a doctor.......get clean..........do it today.

im praying for you....................trucker

PowerlessAgain

Wow, this is wonderful....So many replies with wonderful advice. Thank You guys SO much. Ive started the process today...made the calls I needed to make. I know that if I don't take action I will die.
Thanks so much!

shaun00

Dont forget to keep coming back to let us all know how your doing....

Im glad you made some decisions.............you CAN do this.

trucker

Angelic17

Powerless again, I'm glad to hear that you have decided to take action, and get back on track. Power to you honey. Good Luck and GOD BLESS YOU. Your on the right path. Let us know how you make out. I will be checking in on you.