HoopNinja

Not sure how to do this since AH can go to school and pick them up any time he wants to. I have read the stickies about leaving but did not see anything about leaving when you have school-aged kids. I am the main source of support for our family so I cannot take off my job indefinitely.

PurpleWilder

At a bit at a loss here - are you asking how to do it exactly (rent this, set this up, etc.) or how to minmize the impact on you and the kids....?

LaTeeDa

Definitely something to discuss with your attorney. Where I live, it's all spelled out in the custody agreement. And the schools require me to fill out a form at the beginning of every school year saying who is authorized to pick them up from school, and who they can call in an emergency. But, it varies from state to state, so the only way to ease your concerns is to talk to your attorney.

L

faith2overcome

When I separated from AH, I asked my daycare people about it...Said I didn't want him coming and taking our son without my permission, but they said they have to legally give a child into custody to someone who can prove they are the parent UNLESS there is a court order against it....So seems like you'd have to have a custody agreement in place indicating that he was not permitted to gain physical custody unless at designated times OR if you had a PFA order against him that applied to the kids as well, you could give that to the school.

cmc

Like LaTeeda said, there are ways to make sure that he can't pick them up but it must be done first of all safely but also legally- whether you have a restraining order or not, etc.

I'm sure that the people at the shelter have dealt with this before, why not ask them first? I would be concerned too, that he could find you by following whoever picks them up at school.

I do know that the shelters in my area do provide what they call a 'safe house' where _nobody_ can find you. I don't think it's wise to discuss exactly how they do that here on the web...but I'm sure you could find out how they do things.

If the situation has progressed to this point- maybe having the kids change schools or be temporarily taken out of school for while might be the lesser of two evils. Safety comes first.

HoopNinja

Basically how to prevent him from taking the kids and wrecking havoc. He is not exactly stable right now but is an excellent actor (ergo liar). I am sure most people we know would not suspect he is an alcoholic or drug abuser and that he becomes verbally violent when challenged.

Older DS is in school until mid-June and younger DS is in daycare.

How long does it take to get the custody order together LaTeeDa?

faith2overcome--he has never become physically violent so I cannot place a restraining order (so could not prevent him from seeing the kids). It is not my intent to prevent him from seeing the kids--just not when drunk/stoned or when he is pi**ed at me since he has a tendancy to take his anger out on the nearest target.

laurie6781

Hopefully, as was suggested a while back you have been documenting all incidences of drunkenness, verbal abuse, etc which your attorney can use to request 'supervised visitation.' That would stop him picking up the kids from school. The order would be at the school that he is NOT allowed to pick them up, etc

We are talking the 'safety' of the children, and your attorney will 'stress' this with the judge.

Use the Courts to your advantage! He may not like it, but, oh well, just some more consequences of his actions.

Hope that helps a bit.

Love and hugs,

LaTeeDa

Again, it depends on the state. In CA, you cannot be officially divorced until 6 months after you file. In other states, it can happen much quicker. Some states have other requirements about living apart, etc. Your attorney should be able to answer all these questions and advise you on your best options.

Let us know.

L

HoopNinja

I know there is a temporary order which may be the same as the final order and in the temporary order custody is set up. Where I live 4 months must pass from the time you file--however that does not mean it will happen that fast. If AH decides he wants to slow things down he will be able to simply by contesting things.

I will let you know what the lawyer says.

I have been documenting the events. As for when he is drunk and high--I am in bed when he gets home and not home during the day. I can document the times when he has gotten drunk and out of control and when he has been drinking and not been out of control--and when he appears sober and out of control.

PurpleWilder

Has he lost his license? If so, he can't take them anywhere anyway. If he has, tell the school. Legally, they shouldn't be able to let them go anywhere with him then.

Daisy30

I think you can still get a restraining order even if he hasn't been physical.
I have been considering it. And AH has never been violent. But he has scared the P!SS out of me over the weekend.


Yah if he has a DUI or something and doesn't have a license then you can tell the schools that.

I had to tell older DD on Monday that if Ah tries to come pick you up from school do not go with him. I told her to have the office call me. And I reminded her the only people allowed to pick her up from school are me and my mom. You may have to share a little info with the school and your kids teacher, just so they are on alert and know it is a safety issue.

HoopNinja

He has gotten OWIs but not recently. It is amazing how well he knows every back road in the county. I was impressed until I figured out why. It is much easier to drive drunk when there is little or no traffic (and therefore no police) and your circuitous route home.

He does have a license so that won't work. I am not joking when I say he does not drive the main roads when he has been drinking. He has lived here his entire life and has learned every back road and alley there is.

Daisy30

I believe that. That is where my AH got his DUI. But he decided to park

Have you talked to a lawyer? What did they say? I definately think you could file for an order of protection