Where do I fit in?
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Where do I fit in?
In reading some posts, I find that most of the people have spouses and are very hurt because you feel like you are falling out of love, or your A isn't giving you the love you want. Although when I moved back in with my X husband (the A in my life) I was really wanting to work it out so that we could all be a family again. Durring the 3 years that we were apart, it always seemed a shame that the whole busness of devorce happened! But then Old habbits came back, and he started drinking VERY heavy and putting on so much weight and not paying attention to the whole hygene thing, and what little chance there WAS for me to "fall back in love" with him is dashed! Durring those 3 years, I was very much "in love" with someone else and my heart was VERY broken, and I didn't feel like I could ever feel that feeling again! I still don't, and now this! Don't get me wrong, I DO love my A, but am not "in love". It's such a weird situation! If it wern't for the kids, what then? And when my youngest graduates, what then? Do I crush my A and say, Bye-Bye? Or stay and hope it gets better. He even talks of selling the house but never says what he will do then! And does he intend to stay with me? I hate all this uncertanty!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Mamasmitty.
You do have kind of an unusual scenario going. Sounds like maybe neither one of you is quite sure how the other one feels about staying together in the long term. Have you considered couple's counseling? I know a few posts back you said he talked about wanting to live alone. Maybe the next time he mentions it would be a good time to ask him if that is what he really wants... just so you can gear your thinking in that direction if it is. If it's NOT what he really wants, then might be the time to suggest some co-counseling. Hard times often make us forget how to communicate with someone... even someone we were once very intimate with. But it's possible to relearn.
Hugs!
Smoke
You do have kind of an unusual scenario going. Sounds like maybe neither one of you is quite sure how the other one feels about staying together in the long term. Have you considered couple's counseling? I know a few posts back you said he talked about wanting to live alone. Maybe the next time he mentions it would be a good time to ask him if that is what he really wants... just so you can gear your thinking in that direction if it is. If it's NOT what he really wants, then might be the time to suggest some co-counseling. Hard times often make us forget how to communicate with someone... even someone we were once very intimate with. But it's possible to relearn.
Hugs!
Smoke
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 19
I am VERY IN LOVE with my husband
I just can't live with him anymore because I'm so miserable and I would welcome the bright light to take me home. That is NOT the kind of person that I am. I am a happy person who loves LIFE...he's taken that from me because I expend more energy on him than I do everything else in my life, combined.
I get tingles when I see him and I would be with him in a heartbeat if he could just conquer his demons. Problem is, I lack security.
he is night and day, two different people. I hate him when drugs/alcohol have control over him. I LOVE him incredibly when he's not being controled by them.
I just can't live with him anymore because I'm so miserable and I would welcome the bright light to take me home. That is NOT the kind of person that I am. I am a happy person who loves LIFE...he's taken that from me because I expend more energy on him than I do everything else in my life, combined.
I get tingles when I see him and I would be with him in a heartbeat if he could just conquer his demons. Problem is, I lack security.
he is night and day, two different people. I hate him when drugs/alcohol have control over him. I LOVE him incredibly when he's not being controled by them.
Paused
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 19
I am VERY IN LOVE with my husband
I just can't live with him anymore because I'm so miserable and I would welcome the bright light to take me home. That is NOT the kind of person that I am. I am a happy person who loves LIFE...he's taken that from me because I expend more energy on him than I do everything else in my life, combined.
I get tingles when I see him and I would be with him in a heartbeat if he could just conquer his demons. Problem is, I lack security.
he is night and day, two different people. I hate him when drugs/alcohol have control over him. I LOVE him incredibly when he's not being controled by them.
I just can't live with him anymore because I'm so miserable and I would welcome the bright light to take me home. That is NOT the kind of person that I am. I am a happy person who loves LIFE...he's taken that from me because I expend more energy on him than I do everything else in my life, combined.
I get tingles when I see him and I would be with him in a heartbeat if he could just conquer his demons. Problem is, I lack security.
he is night and day, two different people. I hate him when drugs/alcohol have control over him. I LOVE him incredibly when he's not being controled by them.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Smoke
When wer were married, we were in councling 3 different times, and always went back to the same situation! I really don't think we are compatible! But for the first 10 years of our marrage, it was so great. Of course I was a stay at home mom with an in house daycare, and my whole world revolved around him and the kids. When I got a job outside the home, thats when things started to go bad. I am starting to think that he has ALWAYS been so insecure, and that it just wasn't so notisible because I was home and there was more compitition for my intrests and attention when I went out of the house into another world with the job! I don't think he likes it very well!
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