gneiss

I'm feeling stuck, or sort of trapped today. I wanted to leave town, go somewhere else for grad school, but the grad schools I applied to denied me. So I'm staying here because I've been accepted here. Plan "C" has become my future.

I am really starting to hate living here. I'm worried I'll be back on drugs if I stay. I know too many people here who do drugs. I don't know, maybe that's just running away from the problem. I have a way of using a place up and I did it in fine style this time. I feel like I basically have one friend here, and he's a raging alcoholic. I hate feeling like a hermit, I miss socializing with people. And the crappy thing is that now it's summer, everyone is gone. This town has about 45K people during the school year. 25K during the summer. We live and die with the university.

I was ready for a brand new start in a brand new city, without feeling like I had to hide from the people I knew. In fact, I wanted to go to a city where I knew no one. When I was 18 I moved 700 miles from home to a city where I had no contacts, no friends, and it was amazing. Now every time I go out I worry about seeing a dealer, someone I did dope with, someone I sold pills to (for dope money), or even a specific person I have an unpleasant history with.

I went from hoping ex will come back next semester because we were doing ok as friends to hoping I never see him again. And if he does come back... dear gawd. We have the same major, it's not like we won't see each other. We did so much dope together, and I don't even know that I can really be civil to him at this point.

And to top it off it's been raining for about a week straight, gray skies every day and that always gets me down. And I have a cold. And I have not been out for a hike since Thursday. Once I got into my hiking routine, I find I get really cranky if I don't get to go out. I start to get cabin fever after about 2 days.

Wow. Just call me Sunshine! Thanks for letting me gripe.

Daisy09

Hi Sunshine

Have you thought about on-line studies? No good if you're looking for a PhD, but there are lots of really good MS/MA programs on-line these days, and you could live where ever you want. My husband (I'm sure you remember him from my other posts!) did an on-line MS and thought it was a really good experience. Just a thought. Never forget about Plan "D"

Hope the rain stops!
Daisy

gneiss

Thanks, Daisy. It all depends on the degree plan and specifics. Geology is not conducive to online work, they expect you to go out and play with rocks where they live. Also, to afford grad school I need a graduate assistantship with at least a partial tuition waiver. And that requires me to be on campus. I have a few options like joining some student organizations for a social life. The summer is going to suck though.

My other gripe is that since I did my undergrad here and now I'm getting my masters here as well I am pretty much committed to continuing on for a PhD eventually. Double-Cross Oil (Exxon-Mobile) has a habit of paying for PhD work though, as do many other oil companies. So I've just sort of been pushed into an oil career, at least for a while, which was not my first choice.

Meh. That's a long way off, I have to get through this first.

windysan

when life gives you lemons

throw them at somebody you don't like

then run

specially if it's like a big dude or sumpin

don't forget to give him the finger as you're runnin

gneiss

Ha! Sounds like, "Do unto others. Then run."

I prefer: When life gives you lemons make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

gerryP

Hang in there gneiss, you are feeling stuck and we all get stuck from time to time.

You have a cold, it's been grey skies and raining, no hiking ~ can't imagine feeling anything except stuck. Sorry to hear you weren't accepted to your first choice Grad school on top of it. Maybe you could transfer next year? Everything seems worse when we aren't feeling well. It will all work itself out because we make our own success.

gneiss

I've already done one semester of grad school. If I do another semester I will need to start my thesis and transferring would mean starting over. I guess if I were desperate to leave I would do that but I really would rather stay put once I've started my thesis.

I feel like maybe I'm missing some possibilities because I'm not feeling well. And I know it's silly but sometimes I seem to like to take a night like this and wallow in my self-pity. No rest for the weary though. I have article summaries to finish, a field trip report to write, and a term paper to put the finishing touches on. And this stuff better be good because I'm turning it in to my thesis adviser... and he hasn't actually agreed to be my thesis adviser yet!! Gah!! No pressure, though. Haha

Bamboozle

Hey, gniess, when summer gets here, could you give yourself a project to do? What's something you've wanted to do that maybe you haven't had time for or never got around to doing?

I think it would be pretty cool to learn how to play guitar.

Maybe you could take some road trips to lessen the monotony?

windysan

Whenever I'm feeling down I grab a good pair of scissors and a comb and go give a bum a haircut.

californiapoppy

Make plans for summer, and daily routines. Find a way to meet new "clean" people, I don't mean going to church, that would probably work, but.... There are good people out there, even good students that are atheists and agnostics, find a way to meet them and hang out with them, and try to do it quickly. Then during summer and next school year you'll have people to hang out with and turn too if you run into trouble.

SelfSeeking

Hey gneiss, I can relate a lot more than I wish I could. I got "stuck" in my @sstastic grad school for an extra year. This still burns me at times, but when my head is in a good space I am helped by reminding myself that even though I feel stuck, I am still making a choice to be here. It's not actually a jail sentence. I _do_ have the option of leaving, whether that be taking a year off, switching fields, whatever. Somehow, even though it sucks for the same reasons, it helps to think,ok, today I _choose_ to be here.

I'm off to throw lemons at my program director. Thanks windy!